My name is James and I became a Christian in 2009.
Since becoming Christian, I never really felt the presence of God in my life or saw anything happen like they would testify at church about, but since then, things have been getting much worse.
I definitely experience the supernatural in my life, but in the negative way. Bad things always happen to me. I mean all the time. If I wasn't a Christian and believed I was protected from curses, I would be convinced I was under one.
It would be different if I felt God was with me and it was something I had to endure, but he hasn't made himself known to me in any way.
And just in case you're wondering, yes I read my bible every night and went to church. I prayed in tongues, spend alot of time with God and always made sacrifices for him.
I don't understand what's happening. The main issue happened in my first church where I was actually kicked out of my music band because someone was talking about me behind my back and made it seem like I was talking bad about someone which wasn't true.
Then at my second church, they basically evicted me out of the church for no legitimate reason, except saying that some people were having complaints about me. Although, it didn't really hit me as hard as the first time because I really didn't feel apart of that church anyway.
Well they were the issues relating to churches directly, but throughout my daily life, things go wrong all the time and I don't know what to do.
I've done everything imaginable to try and get help. Prayer ministries, councelling, but nothing works. I'm constantly looking for someone who can empathize with what I go through, but anyone I ever speak to always tells me wonderful things god is doing for them, and how much they love god.
The truth is, God is driving me to hate him.
I'm always praying to him to help me, to finally give me some relief from this horrible lonely life, but he doesn't seem to want to listen. It feels as though I'm talking to a wall.
Of course, good things sometimes happen to me. I can distinguish, otherwise I would know i would be deceived.
The one thing I hate is how Christian principles don't even apply to my life at all. No matter how much good I do for people, I can never get anyone to be good to me. The law of sowing and reaping that would be right? I'm always on my own. No one wants anything to do with me.
Sometimes I wonder whether the reason god lets all this bad stuff happen to me is because he despises me for doing so much good. As if he was jealous that I'm doing a better job than he was or something, but I know that's ridiculous.
There's alot more to tell, but this is a good start. I'll tell more as I go along.
You have not found the right church. Or you are not telling the whole story here. I can't tell from an internet post. However: Churches do not kick people out. If you get kicked out of a church, thank God and go find the right one. Find a church thats a bible teaching church but understands grace. Sometimes God moves us in strange ways. Go find the right place, plant yourself and grow.
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I have struggled the same situation as you are.
the problem with the church is this, when you become a christian, they do not teach the basics. when you are at church all you hear is sin; and all the fault & blame is yours. they use guilt, shame, blame, fear.
start with yourself. meaning you are a PERSON & not a robot. and christianity is a relationship. god wants to have a relationship with you. YOU and our heavenly father.
I bought a book call 100 important verses for mothers. there are verses there that shows that god is like a compassionate & loving mother.
the more you see god's love the more you will trust him.
another buy a life application bible. read the book of job.
what my struggles were HOW do you apply the bible in real life. what I received was this equation.
sin=punishment
obedience=blessings
give your 10% & god will bless & if you don't he will not
if the 10% did not work, that means you lack faith.
you are told to obey that will cause you to stumble not grow.
in the book of job, his friends accused him of sin right away when he started suffering. but that was not the case.
another is when you read proverbs, it does not teach tithing, but hard work, skills & knowledge & understanding.
malachi 2:7 - the priest & pastors should give wholesome teachings but their teachings causes people to stumble.
like pastor mike, his approach is a blanket approach.he thinks that YOU ARE AT FAULT but he does not understand the situation.
what I discovered is some pastors have a 'tithe mentality', just give your 10% & god will take care of everything.
life is complex & difficult so there is a verse for every situation you are facing that will help you not stumble you.
another is when you read the first 4 books of the NT, you will see that the people, pharisees, experts in the law are quick to accuse.
when they saw people suffering, they say it is because of sin.
and when christ started healing, helping, they would look for something to accuse like 'it is unlawful to heal on a sabbath.' christ healing & feeding the suffering & hungry shows the compassion & kindness of god.
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