My name is James and I became a Christian in 2009.
Since becoming Christian, I never really felt the presence of God in my life or saw anything happen like they would testify at church about, but since then, things have been getting much worse.
I definitely experience the supernatural in my life, but in the negative way. Bad things always happen to me. I mean all the time. If I wasn't a Christian and believed I was protected from curses, I would be convinced I was under one.
It would be different if I felt God was with me and it was something I had to endure, but he hasn't made himself known to me in any way.
And just in case you're wondering, yes I read my bible every night and went to church. I prayed in tongues, spend alot of time with God and always made sacrifices for him.
I don't understand what's happening. The main issue happened in my first church where I was actually kicked out of my music band because someone was talking about me behind my back and made it seem like I was talking bad about someone which wasn't true.
Then at my second church, they basically evicted me out of the church for no legitimate reason, except saying that some people were having complaints about me. Although, it didn't really hit me as hard as the first time because I really didn't feel apart of that church anyway.
Well they were the issues relating to churches directly, but throughout my daily life, things go wrong all the time and I don't know what to do.
I've done everything imaginable to try and get help. Prayer ministries, councelling, but nothing works. I'm constantly looking for someone who can empathize with what I go through, but anyone I ever speak to always tells me wonderful things god is doing for them, and how much they love god.
The truth is, God is driving me to hate him.
I'm always praying to him to help me, to finally give me some relief from this horrible lonely life, but he doesn't seem to want to listen. It feels as though I'm talking to a wall.
Of course, good things sometimes happen to me. I can distinguish, otherwise I would know i would be deceived.
The one thing I hate is how Christian principles don't even apply to my life at all. No matter how much good I do for people, I can never get anyone to be good to me. The law of sowing and reaping that would be right? I'm always on my own. No one wants anything to do with me.
Sometimes I wonder whether the reason god lets all this bad stuff happen to me is because he despises me for doing so much good. As if he was jealous that I'm doing a better job than he was or something, but I know that's ridiculous.
There's alot more to tell, but this is a good start. I'll tell more as I go along.
Undertand this the christian life is not an easy one but you do have one promise you will not be stuck in the situtions that the people in the world are stuck in. One of the main principles is faith and forgiveness. Without faith and forgiveness you will not make it far as a Christian period! Faith is the belief in God word and promises not in the good times but ESPECIALLY IN THE HARD TIMES read Hebrews Chapter 11 yes many had faith and things turned out good in the end eventually but some had faced persecution, hardships, some were stoned, sawed in half, some even faced death. But there faith was strong because they said, LORD, NO MATTER WHAT THESE CIRCUMSTANCES LOOK LIKE I WILL STILL BELIEVE YOU, I WILL STILL DO WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO, I WILL STILL PRAISE, I WILL STILL HAVE FAITH BECAUSE I KNOW THAT YOU WILL WORK IT OUT FOR ME, EVEN IF I HAVE TO FACE DEATH ITSELF LORD MY TIMES ARE IN YOUR HANDS AND I KNOW THAT MY ASSIGNMENT HERE MUST BE OVER I WILL STILL HAVE FAITH IN YOU EVEN UNTO DEATH. I mean look at Jesus, knowing the sacrifice he would have to make in death, he faced it with faith trusting that God would give him an even better glory. So faith is the leaning on God and his promises no matter what!! I remember I was believing for a healing in some area in about 2 months time, let me tell you it took 6 years for me to get that healing. Was I tempted to doubt, yes, was I tempted to give up, yes, was I tempted to just give in, yes, but one day I was at my lowest point I said, "God I don't understand why this is happening, I'm doing everything that I can do, but you know what no matter what happens I will still believe, I will praise, I will still go to church, I will still hold on, even if things takes me another 20 years Im going to stand here and praise you name!!! From that moment on the area of healing that need to take place took place immediatly. I guess God has to purify our motives, are we doing the right thing to get something or are we doing the right thing because its right? Was I serving God for his hand and him giving me stuff, or was I serving him because of who he was? Stand in faith brother and hold on, keep on doing the right thing and it shall break forth.
Now with forgiveness you must understand this is an area that has many bound. Forgiveness is ESSSSSSEEENNNTTTIIAAALLL to living a great Christian lifestyle. Read in acts when the holy spirit was first given to the apostles what was the FIRST thing Jesus said, "Whom ever you forgive I will forgive" wow why did he say that first??? Becuase he knew and he even said it that "in this world we will have tribulation" but to "be of good cheer because I have overcome the world" How has Jesus overcome the world?? His way of doing things is the way we overcome the world. Nothing can hurt us if we do things God's way and not our own.
Brother come to my site YouTube - TogetherInWorship's Channel I have a whole bunch of resources to help you as a new christian. I would recommend that you listen to on my playlist religion or relationship this should help you as a new christian.
Walking as a Christian is not going to be an easy walk.
GOD never really promised us a ROSE garden here on earth. It's tough work and alot of determination in keeping on that path is involved.
Walking with FAITH one step at a time is like a child taking baby steps for the first time.
It's true that our patience and endurance will me faced with alot of obstacles as christians. I have found more bad things happening to me as of late. The devil is working overtime and is doing all he can to deter us from GOD.
Keep reading in his word and praying. Iam sure GOD will reveal to us in his time frame what all this means.
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I really appreciate all the encouraging responses. You've uplifted me a lot. Just the fact that people care enough to write to me is awesome. When you have no one that really means something.
Although something that would really help me is hearing some of other peoples struggles and times they thought that God wasn't with them.
Unity in love, can I ask you something since you wrote the most. How long have you been a Christian and when was the pivotal moment in your life when you knew without a doubt that god was with you.
I really appreciate all the encouraging responses. You've uplifted me a lot. Just the fact that people care enough to write to me is awesome. When you have no one that really means something.
Although something that would really help me is hearing some of other peoples struggles and times they thought that God wasn't with them.
Unity in love, can I ask you something since you wrote the most. How long have you been a Christian and when was the pivotal moment in your life when you knew without a doubt that god was with you.
I've been a Christian now for 4 years and some of the stuff wasn't easy at all. But let me tell you this, this scripture is the truest thing ever and it will defiantly come to pass no matter what the circumstance. Luke 10:19 "I have given you the authority to trample snakes and scorpions and to destroy the enemy's power. Nothing will hurt you." I used to wonder what in the world did he mean and how could I get to this stage in my life where NOTHING will by in any means harm me. I mean how could this be true? Then I heard the holy spirit say, "If you do things my way, nothing shall be able to harm you and you will destroy the enemies power" it then became very clear to me that what it is all about is choice. The enemies plan is to sow negatives things, situations, and people in our way every day. Jesus warned us of this "for in this world you SHALL have tribulation" and "It is IMPOSSIBLE that no no offense should come." there's no if ands about it, its going to happen so be prepared. But then Jesus goes on to say "But take heart, I have overcome the world" how has he overcome the world? His way of doing things overcomes the world and whatever negativity the enemy have try to throw at you. So it is a choice. When negative things happen, and it will happen, will you choice to do things Jesus's way or the worlds way. Will you choice to forgive, will you choice to cast all your cares on him, will you choice to bless those that curse you, will you choice the praises of God to continually be in your mouth, will you choice to bless the lord at all times, will you choice to trust God and not your own understanding ect... or will you do things your way which will lead to failure, depression, hurt, pain, and negativity. God simply put it like this "I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life (doing things God's way) and death (Your way), the blessing (doing things God's way) and the curse (doing things your way). So choose life (doing things God's way) in order that you may live, you and your descendants" What will you choose?
I really appreciate all the encouraging responses. You've uplifted me a lot. Just the fact that people care enough to write to me is awesome. When you have no one that really means something.
Although something that would really help me is hearing some of other peoples struggles and times they thought that God wasn't with them.
Unity in love, can I ask you something since you wrote the most. How long have you been a Christian and when was the pivotal moment in your life when you knew without a doubt that god was with you.
Hey James_lee
Talking about struggles. I am reminded of a time when Jesus Christ Himself thought that God wasn't with Him anymore. I am serious. Have a look here, quoted from the amplified translation:
(Mar 15:34) And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?--which means, My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me [deserting Me and leaving Me helpless and abandoned]? [Ps. 22:1.]
But, as you know, Jesus was never really abandoned, and certainly, God hasn't abandoned you either, my friend. If you like, I'll share some personal testimonies with you, inlcuding one from my early childhood, when I became tired of life - and witnessed something so awesome, that changed my life.
The darkest moment in my life that I can remember as a christian was about 5 years ago after I'd suffered a breakdown. I didn't end up in an institution but for 6 months I couldn't really read, watch TV, talk to people too much, I had to cut everyone out of my life except my mother who was caring for me due to chronic illness because I was concerned that the stress of them putting pressure on me could push me over the edge. It was a very, very hard time.
God carried me every single day, when it got tough, he'd ease the pressure somehow and always make sure I had enough to keep going - but how long can you continue in those sorts of circumstances and not give up? You can't do it indefinatly. Anyway one night I was lying awake at about 3am just literally wondering if I was going to die. I was thinking about the whole thing and finally came to the conclusion, that even if I did die, I wouldn't blame God, I'd just accept it and praise him. It was the same attitude that David had in the psalms when he said 'though he kills me, yet will I praise him'. I knew God could heal me, but he wasn't doing it at that time and I didn't really have any solid guarantees that he would.
Shortly afterwards, still wondering, God opened my eyes to just how closely he had been through the whole thing. His presence was all around me to a depth of several feet and he was smiling. And it wasn't just his presence, he was in it personally. I had just come out of a crisis and I still hadn't broken through completely but he showed me that I hadn't actually been in any real danger because he'd been so in control the whole time. I appreciated that, but nothing had changed in the physical and I was in a serious situation. However when I woke up the next morning I felt that I'd turned the corner and deliverence from the situation began soon afterwards and I started walking out of the whole thing.
At times we can wonder if we're going to make it, but God doesn't miss a trick. It's all about the heart. If he gave us what we wanted, when we wanted it all the time, we wouldn't get the kind of refining that is needed for building strong character.
And not every christian goes through those sorts of trials but we have to be realistic in the way we view God and realise that trials are part of the christian walk. He isn't the tooth fairy, he's God. And completely righteous and perfect. He loves us but he doesn't re-shape himself to fit our views and will. He just is.
And that's a beautiful thing when he's also love itself, which the bible describes him as. He can't change his nature and his nature is perfect. That's our guarantee regardless of what happens in our lives because he sees the big picture (which includes eternity) not just the view of life we see, from our limited and flawed perspective as human beings with our hearts and minds to filter things through.
Last edited by bluelime2; 7th November 2009 at 04:32 AM.
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