Help!! I Don't Understand!!!

rainy · #11 7th November 2009, 05:30 AM

Originally Posted by james_lee

I really appreciate all the encouraging responses. You've uplifted me a lot. Just the fact that people care enough to write to me is awesome. When you have no one that really means something.

Although something that would really help me is hearing some of other peoples struggles and times they thought that God wasn't with them.

Unity in love, can I ask you something since you wrote the most. How long have you been a Christian and when was the pivotal moment in your life when you knew without a doubt that god was with you.

Hello James_lee,
There are going to be times of trial and tribulation this happens to each and every christain. It's hardest when you are looking to find your way obsticals will come in your path its how you over come those obsticals. David had obsticals to overcome but he was Gods was always there for him. David no matter what believed God would see him thru it all and God did. Reading the bible helpped me when I felt like I was alone in a really large desert. There was a time in my life I felt like no one wanted me no matter what I did it was the wrong thing. But the only who was there was God he saw me thru the death of my dad at a age 8, abusive mother and several other wonderous times in my life trials. Issues are a part of life that is what I've learned you need to give it to the lord knowing he will see you thru it all. Example below.
I was raised as a Lutheran going thru the bible when had been studding for years the Lutheran religion to make Communion. Realized there had to be more to the bible other then just studing words the pastor told us to. So I actually read the bible and became more interested in the bible and who god was and why things were the way they were. So I started to pray more and more. This was at a time I was at a very low point in my life. I had no one, I was alone and scared. No parent to turn to just the lord. He gave me strength to get thru that time. I was pregnate my husband was away I had gone into labor early and had less then a 10% chance of liveing because I lost so much blood. My son who was born 3 months early had less then 10% chance at life because he was not fully developed. He wieght 2lbs and 4oz with little chance of liveing. God was the only one who could save him. My son is 25 happy healthy young man.
I Praise the Lord each and everyday! ~~~
Here is something for you may like to look up in bible. 2 Samuel 16:1-16
Psalms 67 also may help.
Hope this helps in some way.
Keepping you in prayer my friend.

lily00 · #12 8th November 2009, 10:58 PM

Hi James! I am sorry you have had it so rough. In Romans 8:28, it says, "and we know that God causes all things to work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose."

and also Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope."

God does love you dearly. And He could be trying to teach you how to lean on Him in these tests and trials.

When I became a Christian when I was fifteen, my entire life changed. I expected a golden road from then on, my life was already pretty much normal teen. But a week after I got saved, my mom and dad divorced, and we had to move to another city away from my friends. then memories came back about abuse, and since then, depression, self-injury constantly for 6 years. And I always kept thinking, none of this happened until I became a Christian. Of course! Satan is so angry you are a child of God now, and he is now going to seek to keep you down in the dirt. But he didn't get the last laugh with me. My God said, "Get up my Love and Fight!" and I did. and today, my life is so sweet, because it is fully devoted to Jesus.

Nothing can destroy your soul Mr. James. It is safely placed in the hands of God. No one can pluck you from your Father's hand. No one can hurt you in a way that counts anymore. You have eternal life! You are only temporarily here! No matter what you go through, you can count on God being with You. You can count on Him loving You, knowing You inside and out, and count on Him as your vindicator. Exodus 14:14 says, "The Lord will fight for you, while you remain silent." Just continue to praise Him. Sometimes it rains, sometimes it pours, sometimes it seems to pour and never stop, but one day it will, and there will be no more pain or sadness. For that You can praise God, for better days are coming!

james_lee · #13 11th November 2009, 09:23 PM

Yes, I'm fully aware that Christians go through tribulation and struggles.

But it seems that no one that is responding is really able to empathize with where I am at. Which is the same thing with anybody I talk to. I told you I'm totally alone in the world. You don't know how literal I'm being.

The only person I want to reply to this post is someone who has had absolutely no indication at all that god has ever been their life. I mean no speck of any sort of sign that he was ever with them. Because I bet all of you have.

Because if god had ever made me assured enough in any way that he existed, or was in my life, I could face anything. I'm constantly hearing stories of these miraculous times when God intervenes in people lives and they think "wow, that's god" but I've never had anything remotely supernatural happen to me. Never even seen a ghost.

The thing is I don't want someone to respond telling me all the wonderful things god does for them. How god came through for them. I know those people already. I'm looking for people that feel hurt, betrayed by god. Feeling like he's left them. Feeling like they've done so much for everybody but receive nothing from anyone but curses. Who feel totally undeserving of the horrible things that happen to them. of Having to live through everyday with the uncertainty that God will ever come through for them.

Thats the sort of person I want to talk to. So if that's you, I need to talk to you desperately.

James

the.Sheepdog · #14 3rd December 2009, 01:05 PM

James, we all deserve nothing in and of ourselves. What makes you think you deserve so much? We are all sinners. We have all lied, or stolen, or lusted.

The law says the penalty of that is death. We deserve nothing of ourselves.

But Jesus took your crimes and paid for them himself. Free. If He did never another thing in the life of us all that is everything.

I dont think you will find the supernatural story you want until you accept that He has already done everything you would ever need already.

Praise worship and gratitude goes a long way. Im here if you need to talk.

nhisname · #15 3rd December 2009, 01:32 PM

Originally Posted by james_lee

Hi,

My name is James and I became a Christian in 2009.

Since becoming Christian, I never really felt the presence of God in my life or saw anything happen like they would testify at church about, but since then, things have been getting much worse.

I definitely experience the supernatural in my life, but in the negative way. Bad things always happen to me. I mean all the time. If I wasn't a Christian and believed I was protected from curses, I would be convinced I was under one.

It would be different if I felt God was with me and it was something I had to endure, but he hasn't made himself known to me in any way.

And just in case you're wondering, yes I read my bible every night and went to church. I prayed in tongues, spend alot of time with God and always made sacrifices for him.

I don't understand what's happening. The main issue happened in my first church where I was actually kicked out of my music band because someone was talking about me behind my back and made it seem like I was talking bad about someone which wasn't true.

Then at my second church, they basically evicted me out of the church for no legitimate reason, except saying that some people were having complaints about me. Although, it didn't really hit me as hard as the first time because I really didn't feel apart of that church anyway.

Well they were the issues relating to churches directly, but throughout my daily life, things go wrong all the time and I don't know what to do.

I've done everything imaginable to try and get help. Prayer ministries, councelling, but nothing works. I'm constantly looking for someone who can empathize with what I go through, but anyone I ever speak to always tells me wonderful things god is doing for them, and how much they love god.

The truth is, God is driving me to hate him.

I'm always praying to him to help me, to finally give me some relief from this horrible lonely life, but he doesn't seem to want to listen. It feels as though I'm talking to a wall.

Of course, good things sometimes happen to me. I can distinguish, otherwise I would know i would be deceived.

The one thing I hate is how Christian principles don't even apply to my life at all. No matter how much good I do for people, I can never get anyone to be good to me. The law of sowing and reaping that would be right? I'm always on my own. No one wants anything to do with me.

Sometimes I wonder whether the reason god lets all this bad stuff happen to me is because he despises me for doing so much good. As if he was jealous that I'm doing a better job than he was or something, but I know that's ridiculous.

There's alot more to tell, but this is a good start. I'll tell more as I go along.

James

I see a lot ME in this. To grow in Christianity one has to get smaller and allow Christ to get bigger evntually we losing ourselves.

Kirey · #16 5th December 2009, 01:31 AM

You have to realize that people are not God. Even though we strive to be Godly we will never be. So letting people be the pillar of what is God is a mistake. Nobody should drive you to hate God because we will never be able to represent God in a true manner.

redeemerlives · #17 11th December 2009, 10:52 AM

Maybe you could talk to me James. I've almost been kicked out of churches when I was younger. I felt unwelcomed because people would not talk to me enough so I stopped going. I was in and out of them, would hear christian music, was nice to people, and lived a normal life. I've been a loner, antisocial, and only recently I was able to communicate well. I got dumped by a girl I have so many feelings for twice, first because I was too shy to talk to her and second time around because of her expectations of me.

I'm a human, not necessarily perfect, but not having help through our situations make them harder to bear. At this point I'm heartbroken, feel empty inside, feel neglected by many people, feel cursed, guilty, confused, been angry, now I'm sad and wondering why God is so cruel. I don't even know if God is going to help me or not. It seems like he is here to hurt me so much. He tricked me into believing I could be a great person with a great future but instead he left me out cold. I went to prayer groups and churches but it didn't fix things.

So to sum it up:
I got dumped by a girl, twice, that I really feel for everyday.
Some people I'm close to don't trust me.
I was tricked into thinking that life will be so great, but it is not. I'm just pretending it is.
God lets so much confusion set in that I can't figure out how to make the right decisions so I blow things over and over.
God does not tell me what I am doing wrong until afterward.
Although I do have people I talk to everyday, nothing seems to cure the emptiness I have inside.
Someone I really love in my family said that I have no self-control.
Everyday I have less and less will to live.
Going to church can't stop bad luck and curses and pain and suffering from happening. I guess God thinks of me as a black sheep.
God takes love away from me through relationships gone bad rather than giving it to me.
Life is completely meaningless, so I stay busy all the time to create meaning.
I just want to have a great female in my life who can understand everything I am going through, who can help me to heal over this heartache, but I can't have one.
I have to be busy because if not I have ruminating thoughts of problems.

I'm another one of those people who wonders if church is going to help me or not. It didn't help me several years ago, and it didn't help me these past couple months when things really went downhill. It couldn't save my relationship, cure my heartache, make me happy. Instead it kept taking away from me.

redeemerlives · #18 11th December 2009, 10:53 AM

Maybe you could talk to me James. I've almost been kicked out of churches when I was younger. I felt unwelcomed because people would not talk to me enough so I stopped going. I was in and out of them, would hear christian music, was nice to people, and lived a normal life. I've been a loner, antisocial, and only recently I was able to communicate well. I got dumped by a girl I have so many feelings for twice, first because I was too shy to talk to her and second time around because of her expectations of me.

I'm a human, not necessarily perfect, but not having help through our situations make them harder to bear. At this point I'm heartbroken, feel empty inside, feel neglected by many people, feel cursed, guilty, confused, been angry, now I'm sad and wondering why God is so cruel. I don't even know if God is going to help me or not. It seems like he is here to hurt me so much. He tricked me into believing I could be a great person with a great future but instead he left me out cold. I went to prayer groups and churches but it didn't fix things.

So to sum it up:
I got dumped by a girl, twice, that I really feel for everyday.
Some people I'm close to don't trust me.
I was tricked into thinking that life will be so great, but it is not. I'm just pretending it is.
God lets so much confusion set in that I can't figure out how to make the right decisions so I blow things over and over.
God does not tell me what I am doing wrong until afterward.
Although I do have people I talk to everyday, nothing seems to cure the emptiness I have inside.
Someone I really love in my family said that I have no self-control.
Everyday I have less and less will to live.
Going to church can't stop bad luck and curses and pain and suffering from happening. I guess God thinks of me as a black sheep.
God takes love away from me through relationships gone bad rather than giving it to me.
Life is completely meaningless, so I stay busy all the time to create meaning.
I just want to have a great female in my life who can understand everything I am going through, who can help me to heal over this heartache, but I can't have one.
I have to be busy because if not I have ruminating thoughts of problems.

I'm another one of those people who wonders if church is going to help me or not. It didn't help me several years ago, and it didn't help me these past couple months when things really went downhill. It couldn't save my relationship, cure my heartache, make me happy. Instead it kept taking away from me.

I'm a mess inside, trying to put things together as they are falling apart.

RuthD · #19 16th December 2009, 10:03 AM

I am praying for you all.

redeemerlives · #20 16th December 2009, 01:31 PM

We should continue to pray for one another. I can't justify my life's situation, but I wonder if God really is God why he would allow such things to happen. I pray that everything will be ok and that we all can find happiness in our lives. I honestly don't think God loves me because instead of solving my situation he makes it endure for so long. I could be wrong, but that's the impression I get from it. I wonder why God believes I deserve so much suffering and I pray it will be done with soon.