Different Pages

A few nights ago I realized that my wife and I are on different pages when it comes to the marriage-subject.

I have long been schooled in the complimentarian thought-train. I believe that my wife and I are to different roles in our marriage: I am to be the leader, and she is to follow me. I look at this way: God has given me the responsibility to provide for, protect and lead my family. My wife is to counsel me, respect me, submit to me, and serve me. She is to be my helper as I manage the family. The Bible, I believe, clearly teaches that I am to lead my family and wife in the same way as Jesus loves the Church. My wife is to follow me out of respect for Jesus.

She, however, sees things differently. She has learned the egalitarian approach. She believes that we are to be equal partners in our marriage. We are to lead the family together. She thinks that in some things I should be the leader, while in other things she knows more, and better, and so should lead. It's her view that we are to submit to each other. She thinks we should both manage the family. It's her view that we are to be helpers for each other. She thinks that's the best way we can serve Jesus together.

In posting this thread, I'm really not looking for a discussion about which view is correct and which view is not. The former view is clearly supported by Scripture. My real question is this: given that she holds the latter view, how can we best function together as husband and wife?

Don't sit and discuss doctrine about submission. Just live, try to ccoperate, and see how it goes.
Usually things fall into place. But its NEVER a good idea to try and discuss this, because even if you both agree with your definition the dialog goes something (very basic) like this:

Husband: wife is to submit to husband and husband to love wife as Christ the church

Wife: YEA BUT he's supposed to love her as Christ the church (which he had already said)

Husband: yes but she then is to respect

Wife true but he has to love as Christ the church


This can go on until someone allows the other to have the last word, and its senseless.

Watch even forums digress into this, people agreeing with each other just not liking the way its stated or something.

silly really

True. I don't know how you can change her way of thinking, however, the way you described each viewpoint is really very much the same if you think about it. For example, where you say that your wife is to counsel you (that's one of the things you stated is her role), then if she's counseling you, she could be, in her definition, helping you lead. Unless she's disrespecting you or running over you, your two definitions are really very similar.

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You both are to be helping each other and leading the family together.

I definitely agree with your wife. She will acquire many more skills if she is given leadership and decision making opportunities.

My husband and I make decisions based on experience and knowledge, not primarily on sex. It works better that way!


And I hope you are serving her too

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Good Read-"Spare the Child: The Religious Roots of Punishment and the Psychological Impact of Physical Abuse"
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I agree with you, the husband is to lead, and the wife is to support/respect.

taken from genesis, the wife was made as helper for man
taken from ephesians the wife is to be submissive to her husband in everything.
But marriage is not all about law. Its what we build our foundations on! but when it comes to making it all work, the essence is the husband and wife loving each other.
also in ephesians it says love never fails.

You might note that when god put adam to sleep and took a bone from his body to make eve, he took a bone close to adams heart.
So woman is made from something close to mans heart.

Husbands are to love their wifes like christ first loved the church.
picturing this, the husband is like the head of a body. If you imagine your own head of your body, you treat the rest of your body with respect. you dont abuse or neglect your body. the head guides the hands will carefully work to remove a splinter etc.

It is all about love. guidance in love, discipline in love, tenderness in love, working together in love. love for one another that endures till death do you part.

You base your marriage and life on law as your foundation, then you fullfill your duty and act lovingly toward one another.

I wish you luck. I can't believe you guys got to the altar without clearing something like this up. As for where do you go from here, I don't know. It depends on the two of you. If she changes her mind, great. If you change yours, great. If neither of you change...yikes!

How long have you been married? How has it worked so far?

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Trying to practice and reflect God's scandalous grace


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[quote=Lazerboy;53370836]
I have long been schooled in the complimentarian thought-train. I believe that my wife and I are to different roles in our marriage: I am to be the leader, and she is to follow me. I look at this way: God has given me the responsibility to provide for, protect and lead my family. My wife is to counsel me, respect me, submit to me, and serve me. She is to be my helper as I manage the family. The Bible, I believe, clearly teaches that I am to lead my family and wife in the same way as Jesus loves the Church. My wife is to follow me out of respect for Jesus.your ideas dont make sense. you want to be served as well as helped by your wife, and at the same time you claim that you want to love as Christ loved the church, and yet HE said he did not come to be served but to serve, so you're asking your wife to do what you are meant to be doing

She, however, sees things differently. She has learned the egalitarian approach. She believes that we are to be equal partners in our marriage. We are to lead the family together. She thinks that in some things I should be the leader, while in other things she knows more, and better, and so should lead. It's her view that we are to submit to each other. She thinks we should both manage the family. It's her view that we are to be helpers for each other. She thinks that's the best way we can serve Jesus together.I agree with her, because if one of you is leading the other one that makes one higher than the other, but the bible says that you are now one and you cling to each other, not lead and follow. you are one body moving in the same direction.

In posting this thread, I'm really not looking for a discussion about which view is correct and which view is not. The former view is clearly supported by Scripture. My real question is this: given that she holds the latter view, how can we best function together as husband and wife?you would be wise to consider her point of view rather than discount it altogether and say that you are right and that's it...that's NOT going to help your marriage any and the main thing is relationship not proving that your view is right.

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Sincerity and truth are what you require; fill my mind with your wisdom
Psalms 51:6 (GNB)

A wife is to submit to the husband because it is the most unselfish thing she can do. Women naturally want to take over, but in submitting we say, "his needs are more important than mine."

A husband is to love and respect his wife, and this means that he, too, is to be unselfish towards her. To respect means to see that she has needs that need met, that are more important than his.

So while for the husband it is not called submission, it's both the husband and the wife serving one another out of love.

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A wife is to submit to the husband because it is the most unselfish thing she can do. Women naturally want to take over, but in submitting we say, "his needs are more important than mine."

A husband is to love and respect his wife, and this means that he, too, is to be unselfish towards her. To respect means to see that she has needs that need met, that are more important than his.

So while for the husband it is not called submission, it's both the husband and the wife serving one another out of love.

To listen about this, go here: http://www.cbclife.org/media.htm , and click on November 22nd (it's not up yet)

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The best thing to do is to pray and be ready when God gets to her about her role. Don't argue, don't tell her again and again what she should be doing. Let the Lord work

There are many on here who will strongly disagree with your view. Don't get into a debate with them it just isn't worth it.

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My legs get to spazzing out every night when I lay down, sudden shooting pains, itches, and uncontrollable twitches. They drive me and my wife nuts and she will trap my legs. When she lets go, they start up again. Such fun for about 45 minutes.
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