Holidays

favoredbyGod · #1 27th October 2009, 11:10 PM

This holiday season, my fiance' and his family are having Thanksgiving dinner with my immediate family. My mom really doesnt like him and she is embarrased that I am with him because he is "from the other side of the tracks." He has never been arrested and he is a college grad and about to begin medical school. My mom says he talks slow, "looks dumb" and because he is not a preppy guy she doesn't want the rest of my family members to ever see him or know about him because she is embarrased. We are expecting a child together in December and she doesnt want the rest of my family to ever see him, so she plans to tell them that my child's father is absent.

I don't want him to know that my mom feels that way about him and I dont want to endure this ackward thanksgiving. I try to avoid him coming around my family so that he wont get his feelings hurt, but he thinks that I am embarrased...

Advice?

MLEN · #2 27th October 2009, 11:33 PM

Hi,

Some people are quite strong, and are not easily offended. If your fiance is this type, then he should be able to hold his own at the family gathering no matter how others treat him. But I think that you should give him the benefit of the doubt to decide this for himself. If you will soon be married and have a baby together, it will be pretty hard for him not to spend time with your family at some point in the future anyway.

freeport · #3 27th October 2009, 11:47 PM

Originally Posted by favoredbyGod

This holiday season, my fiance' and his family are having Thanksgiving dinner with my immediate family. My mom really doesnt like him and she is embarrased that I am with him because he is "from the other side of the tracks." He has never been arrested and he is a college grad and about to begin medical school. My mom says he talks slow, "looks dumb" and because he is not a preppy guy she doesn't want the rest of my family members to ever see him or know about him because she is embarrased. We are expecting a child together in December and she doesnt want the rest of my family to ever see him, so she plans to tell them that my child's father is absent.

I don't want him to know that my mom feels that way about him and I dont want to endure this ackward thanksgiving. I try to avoid him coming around my family so that he wont get his feelings hurt, but he thinks that I am embarrased...

Advice?

You can either take the risk she might end up liking him - who knows - or deal with that upfront... or simply have thanksgiving by yourselves.

Otherwise, you are just delaying the inevitable. Maybe that is better. Sometimes it takes time for people to trust strangers.

favoredbyGod · #4 28th October 2009, 12:08 AM

Well they pretty much dont like each other because my mom thinks he is "low class" and he thinks my mom is "uppity". Also she tells my other family members that the father of my child is absent..she is embarrased for people to ever see him. I feel like I am just stuck between a rock in a hard place.

I love them both, but I dont want a disaster at Thanksgiving

nmoreno · #5 28th October 2009, 01:19 PM

You should always be honest with him, especially because you are now one flesh and are going to have a child in common. It is better for him to know from you, than for him to be embarrassed when your mom gives him a bad look on thanksgiving. More than all, pray to God so He can help you handle the situation.

janny108 · #6 28th October 2009, 01:33 PM

How did you parents react when they learned of your engagement/pregnancy? Do you live near each other?
Can you like visit them on a day that is near Thanksgiving and then on thanksgiving you can celebrate it your way.

That's what some relatives of mine have done because this is the holidays and you're just not going to please everybody all the time.
So some of my relatives spend the time before of after with some people so they can have other plans or be with other people on Thanksgiving.

holywisdom · #7 28th October 2009, 02:07 PM

im nobody to judge you but accordindg to the word of god in order for a couple to have intimate time they suppose to get married or otherwise this is called fornication,but after you get married you become one flesh and you should do what ever it takes to be in harmony and submit to tour husband,god blesses marriages so get right with him first then god will soften your moms heart just ask him to reaveal his love to her.God bless

favoredbyGod · #8 29th October 2009, 01:42 AM

Well my parents live 10 hours away from me and they visit often. My fiance' is 3 1/2 hours away from me in school and I am also in graduate school.

I'm really trying to get back on track, yes, I messed up and as a result I am pregnant, but I cannot dwell on that, we all make mistakes whether they be the same ones or different, the lesson is not to repeat the offense.

They have met my fiance' but don't like him, i believe because of the simple fact that he got me pregnant and also that he is not the "prototype" that they would want me with as far as social economic status.

At first my parents where angry, but they have gotten over that and have been a tremendous help, they also don't want him to be apart of my child's life, but it's his child too...

freeport · #9 29th October 2009, 01:53 AM

Originally Posted by favoredbyGod

Well they pretty much dont like each other because my mom thinks he is "low class" and he thinks my mom is "uppity". Also she tells my other family members that the father of my child is absent..she is embarrased for people to ever see him. I feel like I am just stuck between a rock in a hard place.

I love them both, but I dont want a disaster at Thanksgiving

I grew up in a pretty ritzy neighborhood and can't recall anyone who would use such a term for someone... it seems crude.

No offense.

I side with your boyfriend on that.

klasvaakie · #10 29th October 2009, 06:55 AM

From what I can read, your mom should be proud he chose you. I mean, it's a lot easier to make something of yourself if you come from a well off family...much harder from a poorer family. Furthermore he apears stupid and speaks slowly...this will give people the wrong impression of a slow witt (dont judge a book by it's cover)...which can be a major downside in life. Yet despite this he is on his way to medical school. I only see reason to be proud, not ashamed. So, if it were me, I would just tell my mom to stop worrying what others think because in the end that doesnt in any way determine who she is...or determine her worth as a person.