Some days. SOME days... :P

Going out into the "normal" world with child-free stuff is a NIGHTMARE

It's all out war, constantly. "You're selfish, you're naive, you're just kidding yourself, you'll change your mind, you'll this, you'll that" -- aka, I obviously don't know anything about myself, and you (misguided anti-child-free people who think they know it all for everyone) obviously know everything about me.

Oh, my bad, obviously I missed the change-over in power of my brain where you get to be in charge instead of me!

So then, how do you just sit by and let people call you selfish? It's ridiculous, it's ignorant, it's not even Christian... so you say something, to defend yourself. And what happens?

War breaks out. Every. single. time.

Urgh... and then things calm down for awhile, but you know what?

History always repeats itself



Sorry, just having a moment Don't mind me.

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Originally Posted by BeyondAshes

It's all out war, constantly. "You're selfish, you're naive, you're just kidding yourself, you'll change your mind, you'll this, you'll that" -- aka, I obviously don't know anything about myself, and you (misguided anti-child-free people who think they know it all for everyone) obviously know everything about me.

These comments sound similar to a few proffered in a recent thread on the singles' forum.

So then, how do you just sit by and let people call you selfish? It's ridiculous, it's ignorant, it's not even Christian... so you say something, to defend yourself. And what happens?

War breaks out. Every. single. time.

I seldom engage in any endeavors to vehemently defend my position in this area. It is frequently an expenditure of precious energy. I am not claiming that it is unwise to defend your stance under certain circumstances--indeed, it is occasionally necessary--yet the reality is that even the most cleverly-crafted arguments will often fail to sway the naysayers.

Nah that thread is incredibly mild and doesn't bug me -- I spend less time here than I do on my other forums, it's THOSE people that drive me mad some days But it does become a reminder of the other raging battles I've got going on with other forums, it just surprises me that it happens on a Christian forum more than anything I suppose.

My main forum is not a Christian forum and profanity is allowed, so it's always an interesting experience Anti-child-free attitudes are not limited to a Christian-complex unfortunately. It's everywhere. So it's frustrating on a regular basis.

Some of my other forums are Christian and it's the same thing of course.

Luckily I have several child-free communities that are pretty awesome

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Originally Posted by BeyondAshes

Anti-child-free attitudes are not limited to a Christian-complex unfortunately. It's everywhere. So it's frustrating on a regular basis.

This is not at all surprising.

Luckily I have several child-free communities that are pretty awesome

It is good for we "misfits" () to have some type of safe haven, even if it is limited to online communities.

lol when I saw that post of yours with the word breeder in it, I thought to myself "This person is even braver than I am!" LOL -- I guess I've been around the block a lot on CF though, after all these years I bite my tongue in some ways, though not so much in other ways. People are uber sensitive 'round here more so than any other forum I go to. There are so many great people here but walking on eggshells some days really exhausts me.

At the end of the day, I'm ecstatic that I am child-free, and it just makes me incredibly annoyed when people want to treat it as some kind of societal disease (the choice not to reproduce that is).

I also suffer from mental illness which is also stigmatized, so I never get relief from people in the stereotypes department. I should just "be happy" and get over my anxiety disorder, and "have kids" and get over my child-free status. Ugh ...

Some days are better than others

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Just ignore 'em. Those fights aren't worth it. If someone asks you if yu have kids, just say no. If they ask you why just...shrug or something, cus we don't or I duno. Just end the conversation, switch topics, whatever.

Yeah, I know they aren't worth it, but it just boils my blood some days.

Selfishness is having a child you know you can't care for. Urgh.

Ya know, it's to the point where I'm ready to start saying "So how many kids-in-need have you adopted instead of putting more mouths to feed on the planet?" when people tell me I'm selfish for not having kids of my own

Obviously I know better

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we were never hammered like that. Maybe because we decided to tell them we can't and we're really glad God made it that way. Most folks don't want to argue with God.

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Absence of Evidence Does Not equal Evidence of Absence

I've tried that route, that's the thing. I think God did design me to be child-free, I was created with other gifts, but not the gift to be a great parent. Some were, some weren't. What's wrong with that, right?

Problem is, as soon as you say "God made me like this," people typically do try to argue. That God wants everyone to have children, regardless. Therefor, child-free people become "misguided" and aren't really hearing God, in the eyes of the anti-child-free Christians.

I've heard every argument against "God made me like this" that exists. I think being Christian and child-free is one of the hardest kinds of child-free people to be, because people argue that God wants us all to procreate like rabbits

People have even stated that families aren't "true families" or "healthy" if they don't have kids. Since God made marriage for children, apparently.. guess I missed that part of the creation line up


At the end of the day, I think it's hard for people to understand something they are not. I think I have a hard time understanding parents some day, and I think they have a triple-hard-time understanding me obviously. And misunderstanding breeds miscommunication along with negativity. So in a sense, I do "get it"... why these things turn out so badly.

But it's still uber frustrating.


You're lucky you were never hammered. I've actually been sent PM's about how I'm not following God's will for my life if I'm not having kids

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I'm sorry I can't be of more help. When they ask you why you don't have kids/when you're going to have them, ask them (hopefully with one eyebrow hitched up) Why? Or if you're feeling particularly snarky "What do you need to know for"

My in-laws kept asking when we were gonna have kids and hubby finally said "Are you gonna support them?" Keep in mind that he is one of 4 and his sibs have 9 kids between them.

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Absence of Evidence Does Not equal Evidence of Absence