I've held off til now because I haven't been quite sure how I want to put this, but here goes;
My name is Michael, and I am an abused man. I'm coming through a rather stormy time in my life right now, going through the dual problems of a marital collapse and economic disaster brought on by the marital situation. In the first four months of this year, I have been cursed, called bad names, grabbed by the shirt and beaten in the head and face and more or less forced to move out of our apartment. I could wish I could say somebody other than my wife was responsible for this, but there it is. I have been accused of sexual abomination (not true, the act isn't even possible) and of being, and I quote, "evil, deceitful, extremely selfish and a bad money manager". Now, as it happens she's been spending money like a drunken sailor so running low on cash comes as no surprise, and as far as the rest--- well, she was lit at the time she said it so I take it with a bit of a grain of salt.
As stated, right now I face the dual whammy of divorce and bankruptcy, and anybody who has been through either can testify that this is not fun. Further, this was the "reconciliation marriage", we had been through this before and it seemed she had changed, so I judged it worth the risk to try again a couple of years ago.
Wow. This has been a very bad period in your life. Life is not over for you, but it will take some time before you are feeling a lot more positive about you and life.
It's official, I'm divorced. Second time from the same wife.
In times past, my track record in dating left something to be desired so my inclination is to leave well enough alone. I can answer for a fact that there are much worse things than being alone. Being cheated on, lied to, lied about, physical violence and accused of abominations comes close to topping the list of worse things if they're not right on up there. Now I've got to pick up the pieces and get on with living, and while that does include paying some maintenance (only in marriage could something like that happen, anywhere else and a person who batters somebody else would have slim chance of being paid by the victim) but it's only for six months and then it ends.
The bankruptcy is yet ahead, so I still have that to do.
Good things to thank God for: I have family nearby, my sister was a great help when I really needed it this past March. My brothers came through for me when the truck broke down and I needed to get it going so I could work. My local congregation has been praying for me, and given me a hand from time to time. For a fact, this has been--- and is--- a hard time even with the help I've received. I honestly wonder how anybody gets through major troubles alone, and as I've read some of your stories here I realise some of you have done exactly that. When a child is abused by their own family-- the very people who were supposed to protect them--- that has to be bad. Who do you turn to at a time like that? I've had it bad this year, but not like that. My hat is off to you who have gone through things like that, by comparison my troubles are nothing.
I see by the "Views" that somebody is reading this from time to time, even if only one person besides me ever replied.
I haven't spilled the beans on everything that happened to bring things to where they are now because, quite frankly, some of it would sound as if I made it up. I wouldn't believe it myself if I hadn't lived it, and telling it to another doesn't improve matters much. For those who want to come to grips with what I'm going through, a search on "male victims of domestic violence" will give you the general idea.
Quick update on the good side of things: The church I belong to has small groups. One just started up a couple of weeks ago and I joined it, it's based on the book "Life's Healing Choices" by John Baker. At first glance, it appears to be a modified 12 step program, but geared more toward the True and Living God than most 12 step programs are these days. We'll see how it goes.
You have gone through a horrible time. You may be going through grief and that will last until you come to grips with it all and accept it for what it is, that is not saying you like what happened at all. May the good Lord heal you from all your pain.
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Jeremiah 29:11 “For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.”
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I don't know if "grief" is the handle I'd put on it. Sometimes a bit of anger, sometimes a bit of "what could have been", but mostly I seem to feel almost as emotionless as Mr. Spock. That's probably not good when you get right down to it, it might help if I could get some feelings into it.
When I consider things, trouble started more than a year ago. The upshot of it is that my wife began to reject me as her husband and started engineering the events that led to this divorce. Funny thing is, now that it's happened she doesn't want it, but is not willing to own up to the chain of events that got us here. She lives in a fantasyland these days and nothing I or anybody else can do will change that.
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