Home | Be a Christian | Devotionals | Join Us! | Forums | Rules | F.A.Q.


Go Back   Christian Forums > Edification (orthodox Christians only) > Edification (orthodox Christians only) > Christian Advice
Register BlogsPrayersJobsArcade Calendar Mark Forums Read

Christian Advice A forum for requesting and giving Biblical advice.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 21st October 2009, 08:37 PM
Newbie

Gender: Female Married Faith: Pentecostal Member For 4 Years
 
Join Date: 21st October 2009
Posts: 1
Blessings: 109,161
Reps: 2,001,686,551 (power: 0)
evemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond repute
evemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond reputeevemck has a reputation beyond repute
help! my husband lives a double life...

my husband and i have been married for three years. we were/are a ministry couple. in front of others he is the 'perfect christian', a man who beat drugs, the drink, and a mannor of other horrible things. for the past year and 1/2 he has been drinking and doing drugs again. he uses my money and if i object he thows a 'fit'. i need help i dont know what to do anymore. i know this is going out to strangers but i dont trust anyone i know. thank you.
Reply With Quote
Become a CF Site Supporter Today and Make These Ads Go Away!

  #2  
Old 21st October 2009, 09:56 PM
Senior Veteran

73 Gender: Male Married Faith: Christian Country: New Zealand Member For 5 Years
 
Join Date: 3rd August 2004
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,348
Blessings: 29,057,132
Reps: 696,655,952,874,806,016 (power: 696,655,952,874,829)
Johnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond repute
Johnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond reputeJohnnz has a reputation beyond repute
Not a nice situation. He should not be in ministry. he needs a lot more time to mature and work through a lot of issues before he ever gets back into any kind of public activity.

You need to approach someone in authority - elders, denominational leader - and tell them what is happening. And don't accept any waffling from them about overlooking what is happening. He cannot give to others what he has not grown into himself.

John
NZ
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 21st October 2009, 11:41 PM
Legend

42 Member For 5 Years
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 14th April 2002
Posts: 10,227
Blessings: 114,823
Reps: 116,104,182,602 (power: 116,104,205)
Mr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond repute
Mr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond reputeMr.Cheese has a reputation beyond repute
.

Last edited by Mr.Cheese; 17th November 2009 at 10:34 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 22nd October 2009, 02:39 AM
heron's Avatar
Legend

Member For 5 Years
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 24th March 2005
Posts: 20,404
Blessings: 22,171
Reps: 225,918,858,897,027,968 (power: 225,918,858,897,057)
heron has disabled reputation
So sorry you are going through this!
If you don't find ways to address it now, it will get worse, to the point that you have no money to do anything.

I would start by going for counseling at a different church, so gossip doesn't fly before you can control it. Don't tell them where you're from. Better yet, pay for a Christian counselor that is not attached to any church. They might have ideas for how people handle the practical aspects of this.

You might consider going to live somewhere else temporarily, so he gets the hint. You might have family in town, or find someone who needs a house sitter, or look into a women's shelter. The huge shift in location is an inconvenience to you, but nothing compared to what you might need to deal with for possession charges, stolen items, dwi charges, etc.

He can change, but he seems to be in a position where he has no interest in changing. He is imposing his whims on your life, and it will get worse. A little drinking is not a problem, but using your money and intimidating you certainly is a problem.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 22nd October 2009, 06:00 AM
heron's Avatar
Legend

Member For 5 Years
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 24th March 2005
Posts: 20,404
Blessings: 22,171
Reps: 225,918,858,897,027,968 (power: 225,918,858,897,057)
heron has disabled reputation
Some ideas of resources:

* Denominational family services (Catholic, Lutheran, Presbyterian, Salvation Army). This takes it out of the local church level and into hands of people who don't know you.

* Shelter for Battered Women -- even if you're not physically harmed, they might have ideas.

* Social Services -- although files might go on record

* Employer-supported counseling -- this is supposed to be confidential, but you never know if things leak out.

* Al-anon meetings. People rave about how helpful they have been, and you don't need to talk about who you are.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 23rd October 2009, 03:31 AM
Revived's Avatar
Love is the final fight.

Faith: Christian Country: United States Member For 5 Years Fisherman
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 25th March 2009
Location: Planted by the water
Posts: 8,700
Blessings: 62,209
Blog Entries: 1
Reps: 4,913,395,141,848,245,248 (power: 4,913,395,141,848,259)
Revived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond repute
Revived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond repute
Originally Posted by evemck View Post
my husband and i have been married for three years. we were/are a ministry couple. in front of others he is the 'perfect christian', a man who beat drugs, the drink, and a mannor of other horrible things. for the past year and 1/2 he has been drinking and doing drugs again. he uses my money and if i object he thows a 'fit'. i need help i dont know what to do anymore. i know this is going out to strangers but i dont trust anyone i know. thank you.
Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear this but please know there is hope. Please take a moment to view these two videos. They may offer some valuable insight that you haven't considered...





Dear Heavenly Father,

Please be the refuge and Guardian for this family and all who suffer from abuse and destructive behaviors. Give them a vision for their future and enable them to understand how great it is. Father please comfort them, heal the brokenness and revive the spirits of all who endure this sin. Make us one with You in Your love as we deepen our respect for the dignity of every human life.

Giver of strength, courage and peace, pour Your Spirit upon us all to become all You've created us to be.

In Jesus' name...
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To join the Recovery Forum Skype Chats,
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


I am breaking through to the blessed life, Satan you might as well get on up out of my way. // Peacechild4:

The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them. // Proverbs 20:7


Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 23rd October 2009, 11:08 AM
RoyWM's Avatar
Mature Christian

Gender: Male Married Faith: Non-Denominational Party: US-Republican Country: United States Member For 5 Years
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 14th August 2002
Location: East Texas
Posts: 1,038
Blessings: 154,584
My Mood Amazed
Reps: 191,460,202,749,131 (power: 191,460,202,762)
RoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond repute
RoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond reputeRoyWM has a reputation beyond repute
Originally Posted by evemck View Post
my husband and i have been married for three years. we were/are a ministry couple. in front of others he is the 'perfect christian', a man who beat drugs, the drink, and a mannor of other horrible things. for the past year and 1/2 he has been drinking and doing drugs again. he uses my money and if i object he thows a 'fit'. i need help i dont know what to do anymore. i know this is going out to strangers but i dont trust anyone i know. thank you.
Evemck,

I believe you are getting excellent advice from the people on this forum.

I would add to theirs only this. Get out now! Go live somewhere else and cut off his access to your money.

Of course tell him why you are leaving and give him the ultimatum. "Get help and counseling to be the Christian man you are supposed to be".

Its a choice he has to make between his destructive unbelieving lifestyle or his Godly marriage to you.

As Paul said, "If the unbeliever departs let him depart, the wife is not bound in such circumstances".
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Love is the answer
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Last edited by RoyWM; 25th October 2009 at 03:57 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 23rd October 2009, 12:00 PM
oryx's Avatar
Not the droid you were looking for

27 Gender: Female Faith: Non-Denominational Member For 5 Years
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 2nd January 2008
Location: England.
Posts: 83
Blessings: 52,538
Reps: 663,737,049,168,761 (power: 663,737,049,175)
oryx has disabled reputation
try Setting Captives Free .com. It may help, when he comes around and wants to change. My thoughts and prayers are with you, the Father loves you and He also can't stand your husbands sin. Look to the Father and take comfort in Him, He is the one who will raise you up, climb onto His back as He flies out on His eagles wings above your troubles.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 23rd October 2009, 01:54 PM
Revived's Avatar
Love is the final fight.

Faith: Christian Country: United States Member For 5 Years Fisherman
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 25th March 2009
Location: Planted by the water
Posts: 8,700
Blessings: 62,209
Blog Entries: 1
Reps: 4,913,395,141,848,245,248 (power: 4,913,395,141,848,259)
Revived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond repute
Revived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond reputeRevived has a reputation beyond repute
If you do indeed consider a separation I urge you to explore the "Constructive Separation" concept. It's explained thoroughly in the second video above.

God's Blessings,
Derrick
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To join the Recovery Forum Skype Chats,
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


I am breaking through to the blessed life, Satan you might as well get on up out of my way. // Peacechild4:

The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them. // Proverbs 20:7


Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 23rd October 2009, 03:21 PM
Bridgit's Avatar
Bible believer and follower of Jesus

49 Gender: Female Faith: Christian Country: United States Member For 5 Years Fisherman
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 12th June 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 5,467
Blessings: 857,460
My Mood Praying
Blog Entries: 17
Reps: 648,592,594,439,007,872 (power: 648,592,594,439,021)
Bridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond repute
Bridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond reputeBridgit has a reputation beyond repute
Originally Posted by evemck View Post
my husband and i have been married for three years. we were/are a ministry couple. in front of others he is the 'perfect christian', a man who beat drugs, the drink, and a mannor of other horrible things. for the past year and 1/2 he has been drinking and doing drugs again. he uses my money and if i object he thows a 'fit'. i need help i dont know what to do anymore. i know this is going out to strangers but i dont trust anyone i know. thank you.
It is not easy to give you the right advice as we do not know much about your husband.

As others have mentioned before, you should consider staying somewhere else for a while (taking your children with you if you have any), if he is threatening and/or refuses to go to counseling or to change his ways.

Be compassionate but be firm and be careful. Take his name off any checking or credit card accounts that are yours, otherwise, you might find yourself without money.

Find family members or friends you know you can rely on and trust.

I know all these actions will hurt both of you, but if you don't take these necessary steps the consequences might be far worse (physical/emotional abuse, jail, loss ....)

Dear Father, thank you for loving evemck and her family. Give her the wisdom and the strength to do what is right. Comfort and support her. Protect her and her family from the enemy and his lies. Reveal yourself to her and her husband. Help them to put their trust in you and to cast their burdens on your shoulders. Bring salvation to their home. Help evemck to find courage and guidance when she reads your Word. Guide her steps and let her know that she is not alone but that you are with her and will always be. Thank you Father for what you are doing in her life and for what you are about to do. May your will be done and may you be glorified in this situation. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen!
__________________
Isaiah 55:11 - It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.

If we are in Christ, it is God's eternal purpose to work everything in our lives to make us like Jesus.

John 10:28 - I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand.

Hope comes through faith not through facts.

When I dwell on my rights then that is when I am the least useful in the Kingdom of God.

Only he who believes is obedient; only he who is obedient believes. D. Bonhoeffer
Reply With Quote
Reply


Return to Christian Advice

Thread Tools
Display Modes


 
Become a CF Site Supporter Today and Make These Ads Go Away!


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:35 AM.