You make a lot of assumptions and are giving the dh a lot of credit without knowing him. I sincerely doubt the kids are not suffering-it goes way beyond money. Kids shouldn't even be aware of the money issues unless there needs to be some kind of explanation why a reasonable item or activity can't be accomodated and even then there shouldn't be blame directed at either parent in the presence of kids.
A man who is throwing away his marriage is not showing good thinking so it would be wise for the OP to protect herself and the kids' interest by getting some financial protection through court orders. This goes both ways since my fiance was taken to the cleaners twice by his ex-wife. It's nice if everyone adheres to the rules of fair play, but when it comes to these type of issues there are far too many true stories of dishonesty and evilness to ignore.
And assuming that the man is leaving because the op isn't doing her job as the wife is mean and presumptive. Usually there is going to be some fault on both sides, but cheating is never justified and leaving shouldn't be happening just because one isn't feeling fulfilled. Neglect and bad habits don't just happen overnight and both parties need to be adults and work on it, not run away with the stupid fantasy that the next relationship will always be magical and never need to be worked on. Gag me.
Either there are some serious underlying issues on her part that we are still unaware of or he is a complete idiot. There are alot of dumb people out there so its not impossible that he just randomly decided to act out like this but we can not dismiss the fact that there are some serious issues on her part that she is not telling us. Im sorry if it sounds mean but thats life.
underlying issues on my part???? Yes, I missed him when he left and I told him that...he never wanted to support me emotionally on that part. I became jealous when I knew he was "wandering" far from his morals and starting inappropriate relationships. The further he drifted the more jealous I got. Yes this may have pushed him to make bad decisions but seriously......he is a grown man and the choices he makes are not up to me. Other than that....I really don't know what kind of issues you are looking for me to spill. Last year is when I found out about his first affair.....I think now I handled it wrong.....I was supportive and took the "we can get through this attitude". He played along but a year later he left me anyway. Any other underlying issues are a secret to me as I have pointed out a number of times.....he will not talk....any questions I ask are answered with silence. I am not a perfect wife....no woman is....but that is no excuse for a man to walk out on his wife and kids. He is choosing to live a juvenille lifestyle and has no intention of stopping. Spouses have two choices when things get bad, stale, outdated or difficult in a relationship...to walk away or to stay and work it out. My husband took the easy way out now I am forced to live a life I didn't sign up for. You know I think every spouse whether they like to admit it or not has lustful thoughts or steps over the moral boundaries at some point in the marriage. What makes the difference is how one choses to react to those thoughts.
That is really unfortunate that he is behaving like this when he had a wife at home that was willing to take care of him in every way. What often times happens is the wife turns into a prude and it pushs the husband out the door, im guessing that is not what is happening here so there is no reason for him to be acting like this.
ok presto....just keep it real with the answer to this please.....
my husband has this weekend off. He has not seen his two girls in 19 days. Instead of coming home friday night like he would ususally do he has told me he will be home Saturday morning. I asked him why not Friday night he said he has to take his trailer (where he lives while working) to the next town. He would normally just bring his trailer with him. The point of all this is he is going to drive an extra 3.5 hours just to come home Saturday instead of Friday. Please don't say oh it must be underlying issues with me.....I offered to leave Friday night so he can just spend time with the girls. Do I push the issue and ask why he would drive an extra 3.5 hours just to spend LESS time with his kids or just say nothing and let him come and go as he pleases.....
my husband has this weekend off. He has not seen his two girls in 19 days. Instead of coming home friday night like he would ususally do he has told me he will be home Saturday morning. I asked him why not Friday night he said he has to take his trailer (where he lives while working) to the next town. He would normally just bring his trailer with him. The point of all this is he is going to drive an extra 3.5 hours just to come home Saturday instead of Friday. Please don't say oh it must be underlying issues with me.....I offered to leave Friday night so he can just spend time with the girls. Do I push the issue and ask why he would drive an extra 3.5 hours just to spend LESS time with his kids or just say nothing and let him come and go as he pleases.....
Would it make a difference to know his reasons for waiting until Saturday morning? Especially if the reason includes one of his younger female companions? It would only hurt you and it wouldn't be something you could/should tell your girls. Know what I mean?
If they ask why their dad isn't coming home Friday night, be honest and tell them you don't know. Your role now is to shield them from their father's behavior as much as possible without making excuses for him. If they are upset that he isn't coming home Friday night, make it a special night - like a movie and popcorn night with pillows and blankets on the floor. It won't make up for their dad's absence, but it will provide them with the love and attention of their mom (I'm sure you give them plenty already - but extra never hurts!) and hopefully take their mind off of their dad's absence a bit.
Hang in there - you can get through this.
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I agree with you it just hurts so much to be continually lied to, cheated on and used. I get so frustrated with the fact I have to pick up the pieces with the girls because he is so busy living a life without them. I pray and pray for the hurt to stop and it won't.....I just feel like I am missing something God is trying to show me and at the moment I can't stop crying.....
My husband is off for a month over Christmas....my girls are 5 and 3 they will be see no love and affection between him and I .....how do I shield them from that when we will all be in the same house....
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