Let me say, before you tune me out all the way, even IF all that you say is completely accurate and there is no other reason or perspective on your situation...
You don't realize all that you have going for you right now in this marriage to this woman. You will. And are you going to be sorry... especially when it's too late and you lose everything you had to lust.
Secondly those casting glances at you are either loser / nuts who can't find or keep a man... or they are just twiddling you for their own ego strokes (if they are even really casting glances at you). Guys are not good judges of any of this stuff.
How many of them do you believe would be willing to cast you a glance if you did not have a wife to feed you and dress you (you know like a human being and not like a bum, moron bachelor) <-- sorry, bros, it's true...
???
How many of them do you figure are willing to wash your dirty underwear like your wife does now?
Do you really think so little of yourself?
The Bible written by the God you claim made you the way you are says the ways of those women are unstable you do not know them... and the risk you take will always end up worse than you could have imagined.
If nothing else, they may win your heart then dump you for another the way you did your wife.
God made you a blank slate to learn and a hodgepodge of urges to control and a raw material to better and improve (like I said in the previous post beginning with basic hygiene and potty training).
So if you are so big on "the way God made you" start reverting back to being a baby. No language just crying and throwing fits and soiling yourself... and feel as genuine as you say...
yeah right...
Oh for goodness sake.
Friend, clearly you have been on the receiving end of a J and K missile.
Im sorry about that.
Its insidious because the words are literally true, but the motive is corrupt.
If a woman makes these same sorts of claims Id tell her exactly the same. For example, when i read a woman saying she is basically "standing and praying" while abuse and or adultery occur, i call her out on that, and try and find the proactive balance.
We demean those who suffer withholding affection.....IF they are men...because we equate it with sex, and we call that a lesser need.
John you are preaching the mainstream right now, it exudes from the pulpit, this form of wisdom, and it falls flat on the floor, and wriggles into the hearts and minds of the listener, as its not worthy to fly there.
Its doing great harm this presumption about men.
I will say ESPECIALLY for men, its counter to our very nature to take on this cross you are holding out, generally. Those who need it...TAKE IT, its great. But you have it sitting on the spiritual coffee table for all to grab a piece, and many are choking on it while their spouse keeps reading things like this and feeling that he just needs to swallow MORE and MORE and finally HE will get better.
Secondly those casting glances at you are either loser / nuts who can't find or keep a man... or they are just twiddling you for their own ego strokes (if they are even really casting glances at you). Guys are not good judges of any of this stuff.
Holy assumption-land Batman! I know plenty of guys who can discern the intentions of women, good or bad. You make men out to be morons. My husband is quite intelligent and intuitive.. if he was as stupid and incompetent as you make men out to be, probably wouldn't have married him.
Originally Posted by johnd
How many of them do you believe would be willing to cast you a glance if you did not have a wife to feed you and dress you (you know like a human being and not like a bum, moron bachelor) <-- sorry, bros, it's true...
*snort*
I don't dress and feed my husband, he dresses and feeds himself. He picks out his own clothes (at the store, and out of his closet every day) -- shocking, I know. He makes his favorite food because we have starkly different tastes in meals -- I know, it's crazy to think a husband can cook for himself, isn't it?! I mean, it's like they are adults or something
Originally Posted by johnd
How many of them do you figure are willing to wash your dirty underwear like your wife does now?
So.. let me get this straight: You don't dress yourself, feed yourself, and you don't do any laundry.. Wow, it's like having a child, not a husband If men want mothers, perhaps they should move back home?
Granted, I do a lot of the laundry just because I usually think of it first. But my husband throws loads in now and again, especially if he runs out of underwear
Originally Posted by Conservativation
Oh for goodness sake.
Friend, clearly you have been on the receiving end of a J and K missile.
Im sorry about that.
Its insidious because the words are literally true, but the motive is corrupt.
If a woman makes these same sorts of claims Id tell her exactly the same. For example, when i read a woman saying she is basically "standing and praying" while abuse and or adultery occur, i call her out on that, and try and find the proactive balance.
We demean those who suffer withholding affection.....IF they are men...because we equate it with sex, and we call that a lesser need.
John you are preaching the mainstream right now, it exudes from the pulpit, this form of wisdom, and it falls flat on the floor, and wriggles into the hearts and minds of the listener, as its not worthy to fly there.
Its doing great harm this presumption about men.
I will say ESPECIALLY for men, its counter to our very nature to take on this cross you are holding out, generally. Those who need it...TAKE IT, its great. But you have it sitting on the spiritual coffee table for all to grab a piece, and many are choking on it while their spouse keeps reading things like this and feeling that he just needs to swallow MORE and MORE and finally HE will get better.
Good post
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The world says this line of reasoning is sensible and that you and AL should get together and connect.
God says this is life, and what you risk when you take the vows for better or for... worse...
We've all been through lulls in affection and understanding. That's life. There are highs and there are lows. And if you talk to your spouse and make deliberate attempts to fix the problem (even if for short periods of time) it's a start.
Sounds like a lot of excuse making, or you've got a cheating spouse that needs to be dealt with accordingly. But do not talk yourselves into becoming cheaters.
And, when you cheat on your spouse you're cheating on your children.
So what would be your recommendation for an emotionless/sexless marriage where one spouse is unrepentant?
About this: We've all been through lulls in affection and understanding. That's life. There are highs and there are lows. And if you talk to your spouse and make deliberate attempts to fix the problem (even if for short periods of time) it's a start.
I wanted to ask. If the situation was the opposite, and it was the wife upset about her emotional needs, I neednt ask, Im pretty sure you never tell her to buck up and wait, you'd get after the hubby regarding that critical need being neglected.
About this: We've all been through lulls in affection and understanding. That's life. There are highs and there are lows. And if you talk to your spouse and make deliberate attempts to fix the problem (even if for short periods of time) it's a start.
I wanted to ask. If the situation was the opposite, and it was the wife upset about her emotional needs, I neednt ask, Im pretty sure you never tell her to buck up and wait, you'd get after the hubby regarding that critical need being neglected.
Ok so your answer is "thats life". How many relationships (friendship/chruch relationships) do you think you will be able to maintain giving that kind of advice. I am nervous about finding a chruch because of this kind of reasoning seem to be ok, which really isent reasoning at all. Its like someone saying "becasue I said so", yea and....
I cut and pasted that. Those are not my words, they are Johns. Ask him.
My attitude is quite different. While I refuse any idea that a relationship problem lies 100% w/ one side, there are certain issues that DO lie that way. No, we should accept it.
He was saying essentially men, when denied affection, should just take it as a lull, and buck up. OK, fine....a month, 6 months, a year...5 years...who says when its OK to act to fix?
My point was, yes he says to just let it pass, but if it was a woman making the complaint he'd be telling the husband to get off his duff and meet his wifes needs.
Because, as I stated in a post, sex is considered a "lesser need"....a matter of flesh, just almost evil if it wasnt clearly not evil.
I cut and pasted that. Those are not my words, they are Johns. Ask him.
My attitude is quite different. While I refuse any idea that a relationship problem lies 100% w/ one side, there are certain issues that DO lie that way. No, we should accept it.
He was saying essentially men, when denied affection, should just take it as a lull, and buck up. OK, fine....a month, 6 months, a year...5 years...who says when its OK to act to fix?
My point was, yes he says to just let it pass, but if it was a woman making the complaint he'd be telling the husband to get off his duff and meet his wifes needs.
Because, as I stated in a post, sex is considered a "lesser need"....a matter of flesh, just almost evil if it wasnt clearly not evil.
Thank you for the clarification so I can more appropriatly use the ignore function. BTW I agree with you how long do you wait before you do something about it (divorce), no one that takes that line of reasoning can ever answer that, mostly because its totally unbiblical.
I've realized I'm not the problem all the time so I feel better about myself. Uh oh. Other women are starting to look good and they are casting me glances. The temptation is starting to take hold.
Trying to make my wife happy has been like herding cats. I've accepted myself wholly for who I am and make no apologies to anyone for how God made me. I can't remember the last time I've felt so genuine, and it feels very good.
I'm glad you ar efeeling better about yourself..but it worries me that you're looking at other women...there is NOTHING good about that, no matter WHAT your circumstances are.....You say yourself that temptation is starting to look good..that is NOT of God, but the devil whispering lies that it's ok to look.
I don't know your circumstances, but I hope that you realize that God gave you your wife, and your wife ONLY. Anyone who looks at someone with lust with his eyes has already committed adultry in his heart. No, I don't know how much you have gone through...but just because something feels good does't make it right with God. And from what you've said, this is one of those times. I hope you can find good support somewhere to help you get through this difficult time in a God-pleasing manner. God did not create you to require more than what your marriage can satisfy. There is no excuse. I'm not saying you're at fault for how things are in your marriage that is leading to this temptation, and I'm not saying that you haven't tried to fix things..I really don't know what you've done about this..
But I do know that God is able to make things right in your marriage, and just because "nothing changed yet" doesn't mean that nothing will. All in God's timing, we don't see the Big Picture, HE does. And if you say that "I've taken all I can handle", remember this verse "I can do ALL things through He who gives me strength."
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Last edited by svl3p; 12th October 2009 at 06:02 PM.
Reason: typo
That's very good advice. But what if a person is in a very long term situation where the spouse will not respond? I'm not arguing with you, just wondering how he could deal with this long term when there's no hope for things to change, like EVER?
Even if his wife were to NEVER show affection to him, that would never justify sin. God gives strength to all who ask, for all they need.
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