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7th October 2009, 11:55 AM
|  | Every knee shall bow
      
 | | Join Date: 18th May 2008 Location: Missouri
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7th October 2009, 01:38 PM
| | Contributor
  
| | Join Date: 7th August 2007 Location: Twin Cities, Whittier-hood
Posts: 5,543
Blessings: 44,087,030 My Mood 
Reps: 1,080,351,677,578,482,176 (power: 0) | | Originally Posted by Autumnleaf  You are right as usual. When a man makes a woman his focus he becomes less of a man. Time to focus on the purpose, center, instead of 'chasing the bull'.
Autumnleaf and I have been talking for pretty much as long as I have participated on this forum & have a longstanding friendship from the Men's Section. As is evidenced by his answer, he understood my meaning in my first reply to him. What is the heart of being married? The essence of the purpose?
Gen 2 18And Jehovah God saith, `Not good for the man to be alone, I do make to him an helper -- as his counterpart.' . . . . . . . . .23and the man saith, `This [is] the [proper] step! bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh!' for this it is called Woman, for from a man hath this been taken;
24therefore doth a man leave his father and his mother, and hath cleaved unto his wife, and they have become one flesh.
It has been from the beginning about relationship & at the core of that sacrificial love. Happiness is a pleasant side effect of a good marriage. If the partners do everything they can for the best interest of their partner, both in self care and in benevolence towards the spouse, it is almost impossible not to be happy in marriage. Autumnleaf is a Marine, he understands the concept of unit tactics, he knows that sometimes you have to look out for yourself . . . because if you don't your unit will be down a man, but that doesn't extend to going AWOL. He isn't asking permission to have an affair, that isn't what this thread is about. He is realizing that he has been carrying his wife (my theory is that she abdicated responsibility for her self care) and now AL is realizing he isn't going to be able to keep carrying the weight. He has stopped and assessed his condition. He is feeling happy and free, having remembered the fundamental truth "we are responsible for our own happiness" . . . Subsets of which are - "I can not force someone else to be happy" and "I can best provide for my family when I am not miserable" and "providing for the needs of my partner and giving her opportunities to make herself happy is my job as a spouse" and the like.
Armed with these truths, Autumnleaf can work within the marriage to both seek out his own best good for the good of the unit & encourage his wife to seek out her best good, because when both partners are operating at 100% it is easier to have that reserve for when things go awry. Think of it this way: Walking down a trail with your spouse - if you carry your spouse on your back for 500 yards and then your spouse gets down and you get on your spouse's back and they carry you for 500 yards and you alternate till the end of the trail . . .. will you be more tired (or even able to get there) than if you walked side by side the whole way? Our job as a spouse is to walk next to, to hold our spouses hand and look out for rocks or holes where they might twist an ankle, to provide a steady hand while crossing the slick rocks of a creek. Having a spouse doesn't absolve us of having to look where we put our own feet. Autumnleaf has remembered these concepts & now the task that lies before him is to bring his wife into the same understanding. |
7th October 2009, 06:55 PM
|  | Member
| | Join Date: 30th May 2007
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"You have a responsibility to rebuke, renounce, and fight warfare against adulterous thoughts. GOD will help you with this, empower you, IF you seek Him."
Yes.
Ungodly thoughts produce ungodly behavior. It's important that we keep watch and stay in prayer to be faithful to God.
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7th October 2009, 07:54 PM
| | Contributor
| | Join Date: 7th August 2007 Location: Twin Cities, Whittier-hood
Posts: 5,543
Blessings: 44,087,030 My Mood
Reps: 1,080,351,677,578,482,176 (power: 0) | | I'm still not sure you are reading the same thread everybody else is.
Did you read what I posted or just ignore it because I have a instead of a ? |
8th October 2009, 04:07 AM
|  | Senior Veteran
45  
| | Join Date: 13th October 2005
Posts: 4,962
Blessings: 1,511,867
Reps: 9,712,674,041,521,856 (power: 9,712,674,041,532) | | | I don't know all the background in this situation, but something popped into my head from one of the classes I'm taking. AL do you know what your wife's love language(s) are? Do you know what yours are? I'd heard about the concepts for years, but when the speaker compared hearing a different spoken language to trying to please your spouse in the wrong language it started to make sense. Usually we don't pay much attention to a conversation that is going on around us when it's a language we don't understand; but when we suddenly hear our own language we immediately notice. The spouse who fixes a bunch of stuff around the house may be expecting a lot of recognition and gratitude from his wife, but if her love language is physical touch she isn't going to feel really loved until she gets her physical touch. |
9th October 2009, 12:06 AM
| | Contributor
 
| | Join Date: 30th November 2003 Location: God bless.
Posts: 7,275
Blessings: 56,131
Reps: 40,554,967,364,822 (power: 0) | | Originally Posted by Autumnleaf I've realized I'm not the problem all the time so I feel better about myself. Uh oh. Other women are starting to look good and they are casting me glances. The temptation is starting to take hold.
Trying to make my wife happy has been like herding cats. I've accepted myself wholly for who I am and make no apologies to anyone for how God made me. I can't remember the last time I've felt so genuine, and it feels very good.
...said the 6 year old who refused to be potty trained.
You are in good company. |
9th October 2009, 12:16 AM
| | Contributor
| | Join Date: 30th November 2003 Location: God bless.
Posts: 7,275
Blessings: 56,131
Reps: 40,554,967,364,822 (power: 0) | | | Let me say, before you tune me out all the way, even IF all that you say is completely accurate and there is no other reason or perspective on your situation...
You don't realize all that you have going for you right now in this marriage to this woman. You will. And are you going to be sorry... especially when it's too late and you lose everything you had to lust.
Secondly those casting glances at you are either loser / nuts who can't find or keep a man... or they are just twiddling you for their own ego strokes (if they are even really casting glances at you). Guys are not good judges of any of this stuff.
How many of them do you believe would be willing to cast you a glance if you did not have a wife to feed you and dress you (you know like a human being and not like a bum, moron bachelor) <-- sorry, bros, it's true...
???
How many of them do you figure are willing to wash your dirty underwear like your wife does now?
Do you really think so little of yourself?
The Bible written by the God you claim made you the way you are says the ways of those women are unstable you do not know them... and the risk you take will always end up worse than you could have imagined.
If nothing else, they may win your heart then dump you for another the way you did your wife.
God made you a blank slate to learn and a hodgepodge of urges to control and a raw material to better and improve (like I said in the previous post beginning with basic hygiene and potty training).
So if you are so big on "the way God made you" start reverting back to being a baby. No language just crying and throwing fits and soiling yourself... and feel as genuine as you say...
yeah right... |
9th October 2009, 02:52 AM
| | Contributor
| | Join Date: 7th August 2007 Location: Twin Cities, Whittier-hood
Posts: 5,543
Blessings: 44,087,030 My Mood
Reps: 1,080,351,677,578,482,176 (power: 0) | | | Out of line. You know nothing about this man or his marriage. |
9th October 2009, 10:35 AM
|  | Senior Contributor
47 
| | Join Date: 12th December 2005 Location: US
Posts: 14,133
Blessings: 8,168,959 My Mood 
Reps: 222,387,496,285,009,984 (power: 222,387,496,285,030) | | | We as humans need affection. When we don't get that affecftion and our needs aren't being met, it's only natural for our eyes to wander. It takes a very strong person to not give into temptation when it's staring you in the face. I understand what you're going through AL. Heck, I'm living it myself.
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Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. |
11th October 2009, 01:28 PM
| | Contributor
| | Join Date: 30th November 2003 Location: God bless.
Posts: 7,275
Blessings: 56,131
Reps: 40,554,967,364,822 (power: 0) | | | The world says this line of reasoning is sensible and that you and AL should get together and connect.
God says this is life, and what you risk when you take the vows for better or for... worse...
We've all been through lulls in affection and understanding. That's life. There are highs and there are lows. And if you talk to your spouse and make deliberate attempts to fix the problem (even if for short periods of time) it's a start.
Sounds like a lot of excuse making, or you've got a cheating spouse that needs to be dealt with accordingly. But do not talk yourselves into becoming cheaters.
And, when you cheat on your spouse you're cheating on your children. |
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