A couple of days ago

a couple of days ago...during work..I lost it.. I cursed and insulted God..The Holy Spirit..I said nasty things.I meant them..and after I said I wasn't sorry..I didnt care..and left it at that..all this during work..a couple of hours..by myself at work.I lost it..


have you ever been so numb..you stop caring..have this spasming pain in your stomach from stress and emotional breakdown..that you cant get rid of..even if you try and breathe and calm down.it does no good..been this way for years..so angry.and stressed all the time...i breathe heavily all the time..i cant seem to let go..

I almost faint.and collapse in the bathroom at work often..from the stress and emotional pain inside that i cant deal with..and i cant even try..due to the numbness i cant even hear really..shut down the inside my heart due to fear..sigh

i am honestly so stressed and broke down..i feel such pain in my stomach from this stress..causes stomach issues and spasms..my chest hurts from the anxiety and fear and stress...i seem so irritated so easily by anything.i stress

sigh..what i wrote above is true.i said the words.and I didnt care.the problem is..i want to say more..i have not told anyonre this..what goes on in my mind and hurt..its quite disturbing

do I need help? feeling that i want to rip God out my chest and heart? feeling that somehow im infected? by Him? controled manipluated with joy and peace? im confused..

what happens when you cant cry anymore..feel..or even care..i dont..i dont care what i do or say.i curse and act mean..yet i cant care or stop..because im angry all the time..i dont care of going back..i dont read the bible..nor want too..i see christians and i feel angry and hatred..

i know there comes a point..that we come to place now..i hope no one gets too..when God is like the devil to you.and thats all you can see in God..is Satan..and wonder how the hell do you go anywhere when you see that.and no mater all the good words..you still see Satan where God is suppose to be..yet you dont know God..yet se Satan in God

how wrong is that?

Hello... I was praying for you just last night.. I believe you are under condemnation... I have suffered this myself.. fear.. stress.. and under all sorts of horrible terrible things that you cannot seem to get out from under it.. But you can!!!!!!!!

I know I have spoke much to you before.. and maybe it feels like nothing I say is making a difference.. Ha.. that is the same for many people I know.. but I keep on brother.. I do not give up.. no matter how many people ignore me.. or do not answer back.. I believe in a GOD who loves.. forgives and restores.. and I will not give up doing good and speaking love!! I will not give up on you..

Brother I love you.. and you are a good person.. you are not wrong about how you feel.. But this is not of you ..... because you are under something so evil and horrid that it confuses you and robs you of all the things GOD has for you.. HIS blessings.. HIS peace.. HIS favor.. HIS righteousness is all yours.. they are all yours through JESUS and what HE did for you... You need to see HIM as HE is your Saviour.. JESUS took all that junk you are feeling and suffering and hurting from.. all that you hate about yourself and that you hate about your perception of GOD which is wrong and evil and destroying you.. and HE bore it all for you.. so you can be free.. and joyful.. and able to live.. laugh and prosper..

I am believing.. for your freedom brother.. I know it will happen.. I believe GOD is with you and helping you.. and your freedom is near.. Halleujah.. glory to GOD.. You will help many others because of all this horrid stuff.. just like me.. this has happened not to destroy you.. but that you through GOD can save many others going through this just like you have..

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And YOU let me share YOU with others.. every day.. all day.. lol.. JESUS... how blessed am I.. ♥

Peacechild..your right..about the words.they dont do much for me...its good and all to love God..i come back here for whatever reason..maybe its because of hope maybe not..ive been to the point.where I drove down the road..told Jesus...I wish I could rip you out my heart..take all you ever point in me..your feelings..your desires..your impressions anything or you you put in and throw it in the trash can..i meant the words i spoke.and i wanted them to be true..I cant even go to God and ask God for help.because somehow i believe inside me He will do things to me.make me laugh.do somethign inside my heart against my will..but it will be good..because hes doing it.yet i never asked for it to be done..I dont want Him in my heart..joined to him in spirit.i wish i could break that bond in anyway..throw Him out..shut him up..I dont want Him inside me.making me laugh.because of some scripture or false impression of hope..or security.feeling i want this or that..its what i truly want..I want him out and gone..you ever get this?? im not you.wanting God..or loving Him..im not you..seeing a future.to me God is the Devil...I call God satan over and over just in hopes i can somehow hurt him and shut him up..whenever i close my eyes.and think of God.i see the Devil...i hate hearing I love you..because its just another way for Him..to work inside me against my will to change me into His image.yet i didnt ask for it.YOU GEt it.im not you..i dont want what you want...if i had my way.i WANT to think of waays words to say to God in order to hurt and blaspheme Him in order to get him the *&*(! out..shut HIm up..YOU get it!..God to me IS THE DEVIL.I hate him more then anything..to me hes just something does does so called good to you..yet its good.yet breaks and shaters your heart..yet its called good because its suppose to make you holy..God to me..is like a disease cancer..once its inside.you cant get it out..i FEEL THIS way..i cant stand knowing He is inside.my thoughts..scripture..its all garbage..ways to keep you in so called freedom but its a prison

I wish i read the contract before I asked Jesus into my life.because knowing how He treats you and acts once He is inside..I would take back those words...but i guess i want God eh? i come here? Im not somebodies puppet slave.nor anyones toy or playting they can use for their purpose or what you guys call glory.im not someone you can change rape go inside of and treat like this..how they hell do i get God out of me..cause i want to the know way

know do you get it??!@!

I really feel for you and you are expressing what i feel at times and i have only felt this in the last 7 months. I do not go to church i do not read the bible.Pretty much can not bring myself to even talk to God feels like a struggle.. I feel like i am going to have a break down. I do not think i hate God or see him as satan. I never said those things to God not the Holy Spirit.

The worst thing is i am doing bible collage i have no idea why i still am attending with the " attitude" that i have. I do not talk to anyone anymore i feel that most Christians i have known in my life have only ever pretended to be real. for me its like hanging out wiht wolfs in sheep's clothing. I know not everyone is like this, just that i have been so hurt used and emotionaly abused by those that say they " LOVED ME".
I really know how you feel everyone around me can act how they want to yet i have to ac tlike a brick wall, sit there and say nothing not get angry, give forgiveness ect ect. Maybe i am not even making sense with what i am saying but i get where u are coming from and totaly can not believe how u are so honest not many people would be. i know in the bible it says that if u grieve the holy spirit it is the un forgiveable sin i sorta really don't ge that passage. but i am sure this is a thing that is between u and God and he knows your heart and what u are going through and i am sure u are sorry as u are talking about it now so he knows u probably did not even mean what u said. do not beat yourself up. I hope God helps you with what it is you are going through that he will turn things around.

thanks whitehorse..im tired..i understand ya....im honest..because thats what I do..this is how I feel.alot of people would say im unforgivable with what i said and done..and even myself think im not..but i dont care..this is my honesty and what ive done.

im tired of lies.and people who say nice word and love me.yet their actionsa and words they think bring life..only make me into someone i dont want to be..but what they say and do.and God..makes me feel like i want to..yet i hate it..deep down i hate it..id rather be like the Devil..and be unforgivable..i know Jesus died for all my sin all time.ya i know that..but the bible does say a thing that isnt forgivable.and ive said things that were meant to hurt.and do that..

i hate how people push and shove their view of th truth onto someone..ya im glad their trying to help..i know that..i know..dont ever think i dont know that...maybe there are peopel in the world..who arent like you or people..dont view the things you do


ya i want to be free..but im not going to be "free" to something i hate..im not going back to find out what i feel God or peopel tell me is me..i dont desire or dream the things peopel and God try to show down my throat.im not that person...and I hate feelings like its true inside me..beacuse if it is..ill kill myself

its getting quite annoying how people say im a complainer and murmorer..who are you to tell me that..why dont i list your faults etc..want me to do that..because I can

Thinking of you... and wondering how you are.. Praying as you come to mind..

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And YOU let me share YOU with others.. every day.. all day.. lol.. JESUS... how blessed am I.. ♥

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For God did not send his Son into to the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him (John 3:17)


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