Do you want to know the truth? im tired of keeping it in..Ive said things..bad things..against The Spirit..Ive done things..that the bible says not to do..unforgivable..no one is willing to answer.I know most would condemnn me..I do
but it doesnt stop there..im at the point.where I dont care anymore..about what i say or do..I want the pain in a way..because why would I want Jesus and keep losing? I dont want to be forced to follow Him.I dont want someone to change the inside of me..unless I ask..because it feels i have no choice in the say...
it has gotten so bad..i call God the things I have said above..Demon..Satan..
but I dont expect you to say anything or understand...I say them..I did tonight..I dont want any finger of God even touching me..I dont want to be raped or touched
Ive asked Satan to have my body.Ive asked for words..to say against God..because I want to hurt Him....I want to so badly and know it..so I can keep doing it....
am I being honest enough?
I want to know if Im hurting God..I WANT TO KNOW.im not being laughed at.and fakely being told everything will be ok...
hows that for you??? sick enough? blasphemous enough? can I be lost know? can I actually have a free will???
sure God loves me..come to God.make everything ok
why does Christianity make that seem good at first. but once your in it ends up being bad thing..but christians call it good..
so there's my heart..
so I guess Ill be told to come to God..trust in Him....let him change you..
its good to know i dont have a choice..ill be forced raped..and even positioned by God so that He will have His way..and even made to change..so il be ok right?
ill be ok right??????? lol sure I will...theres no choice in the manner is there
Feed the people around you with your smiles, and your face will become like Christ's inexhaustible basket of bread that fed thousands of people. Your face can feed people hungry for love in their life or at that very moment. "There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread." - Mother Teresa ♥
so answer me this..can I make the choice not to change.or do I have any say in what happens inside of me??
because it feels like im being raped.and laughed at inside
do I have any [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]ING say in what I do in life.or am I just a [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]ING Clone a robot
does Jesus rape all this children intill he gets what he wants inside of them..do they have any say in what they want or will
or does Jesus determine that for them too...or does Jesus once He lives in your heart..just does what He wants.and you have no say
does he laugh at you in your pain and say everyting will be ok..while u are crying..and feel forced to laugh..why does ti hurt so much to feel forced to feel things you dont want
DO you want me to continue blaspheming..because I can..and guess what all these "good things" oh boy there so good..
they hurt my heart...they must be good right??? do I have to do evil in order to prove a point..because I can..do you want me too?
thats the point!! I DONT KNOW BECAUSE OF THIS FAITH AND GOD!!
here I will tell you plainly..if God is who you say He is.then i dont want Him
if God acts how people no this forum say He does..I DONT want Him
If God's love and ability is how christianity makes Him out to be..THEN I DONT WANT HIM
I DONT WANT HIM LIVING INSIDE ME FEELING THIS WAY...feeling forced..raped manpuluated into believing whatever christianity or God says
FORCED AT LAUGH.FORCED to have joy..FORCED FORCED FORCED!!
feeling that GOd inside me is giving me this feelings..urges thoughts..all I learned about hearing from God..how The Spirit works
I DONT WANT IT I WANT GOD OUT!!..
I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO TELL ME who I AM!
feel this or feel that..thats the real you..this is what you want..this is you..
ALL inside..as if hearing from God..feeling it.living it
I want to be left alone..
what do I want..it may be asking God to leave..because you know what..having God inside is a living hell.....
is that honest enough for you..have a [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]ing proved a point yet???
Brother.. GOD chose you before time began.. you did not choose HIM but HE chose you and appointed you to bear fruit that will last.. HE loves you more then words can say.. I don't know why these things are happening to you except that it is evil and nothing evil is from HIM... Anything else is a lie and HIS love is pure.. holy and brings us rest.. and peace.. and purpose.. and it is not forced.. but freely given and freely received.. there is nothing horrible about it..
__________________
Feed the people around you with your smiles, and your face will become like Christ's inexhaustible basket of bread that fed thousands of people. Your face can feed people hungry for love in their life or at that very moment. "There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread." - Mother Teresa ♥
HE is gentle... brother.. patient.. and kind.. good and beautiful.. There is nothing bad about HIM.. HE doesn't judge you.. but sent JESUS to save you.. HIS SPIRIT is long suffering towards us..
__________________
Feed the people around you with your smiles, and your face will become like Christ's inexhaustible basket of bread that fed thousands of people. Your face can feed people hungry for love in their life or at that very moment. "There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread." - Mother Teresa ♥
you ask of me...dont complain dont murmur..sure thats easy enough to say..why dont you live it everday..feeling like someone inside is trying to live it for you.feeling what they want..thinkings it them..how wrong you are..how do you think it bothers people..to have that inside and about God..your life source
it almost makes me collapse..its all i can think about..anger..trying to find a way out
but the more I come here...see peoples thoughts..read about God here.and in church..what I learned the more disgused and pain i feel inside..because I dont want that..
i cant find it for myself..why??? because i have tried..reading bible..sermons listening.all it does it anger me and confuse me..what I have to do
I am willing to go as far as I have to..in order to prove I have a choice.that no one is allowed to use me..rape me.inside..to tell me im sinning..
you know what.i dont care about happy words.nice scripture.i think its garbage..i can go as far as you want you know..as God wants..
it may be just in His will to show me.how faithful he is right.to suffer and go as far as I can..and for him to bring me back..in glory..all those years suffering..its all for good..a good testimony right???
I wont let anyone [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]ING TOUCH ME...use me..EVER
even if in this life..I suffer greatly
since its not about me right? so whats the big deal about this body? if it dies so what??
really peacechild..really...why dont you go into church and on this forum..and see for yourself what God's good and love is...peopel seem to label it quite different..you must see that
some people think sickness is a good thing from God.and suffering.and what Im going through too..christians say that
so its good to force people to laugh right..aslong as you feel good right..inside your body..it must be of God right???
its good to feel others pain for them right?? like the dont get a [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]ing chance to be themselves right??
is that peaceful.is that gentle??? is that loving??
I dont want anyone to [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]ing touch me..help me..give me anything unless i ask for it
I dont need someone inside to force themselves on me..good or bad situations
because you know what..I can ask Satan to fill me right up..RIGHT UP
thats how far Im willing to go.and even further..
if love isnt forced.that God can know..to leave me alone..is that right??
that when I say no..dont feel for me..not this..He should get the point right
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