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  #1  
Unread 12th September 2009, 03:37 AM
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Sad I need some prayer and some advice over Cheating boyfriend...

Na
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  #2  
Unread 12th September 2009, 07:55 AM
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I'm sorry to say but that situation sounds terminal.

It sounds very much like someone got his hand caught in the cookie jar, and has vowed never to do it again - but only if he can have his cookie back. If he can't, then he will just keep sneaking some crumbs.

I really don't think you want that or more importantly, deserve that.

Part of what the Bible says about relationships is that husband and wife build each other up. The wife is sacred, precious and cherished as the person most dear to the husband, and the husband is respected, honoured and loved by the wife too. Obviously I know you are not married, but as a Christian I look towards what God has laid out for me. In respects to a relationship, I look towards how God believes husband and wife should act and treat each other and from what you have described, he was taking you for granted and has only realised that because you are no longer there now.

I see nothing wrong with trying to help him, but I would not suggest entangling yourself in that relationship again unless there is significant steps made on his behalf to rebuild the trust.

Corinthians talks about love in the Bible - which is not actually love as we understand it, it's sacrifice. It's about how husband and wife sacrifice of themselves to meet each other's needs. In our culture we often seem to think love is all roses, and if there is fighting, or arguments, then we might not be in love as we thought - but Biblical love is about how you handle those parts of the relationship - real love, true love - gives of itself, to conquer any negative aspects. That's what Christ did for mankind as a whole on the cross, He overthrew sin, through his sacrifice so we had a clear passage back to God.

Only you and your ex boyfriend will obviously be able to sort through this, but certainly I would suggest great caution. I have a friend who was in a similar situation, whereby her boyfriend was always a bit of a ladies man, and was never willing to restrain himself or work on it for her, or to show her respect or reinforce their trust. She didn't act on it, and unfortunately two years later she discovered he had cheated on her several times.

I know you aren't a Christian, but for what it's worth God doesn't want anyone to settle for anything but the very best. Christ's sacrifice wasn't so we could live mediocre lives with cheating partners, constant trust issues and a lot of stress - it was so we could live as God intended us to in a perfect loving relationship with a partner who returns everything we give into the relationship and more.

My equally long two cents.
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  #3  
Unread 12th September 2009, 12:26 PM
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I would cut off all contact with him. I can't believe he thinks it is OK to continue a friendship with her. I'm so sorry this happened to you I know it is hard to let go of a long term relationship. But I am proud of you for breaking it off immediately. A lot of people seem to struggle with breaking things off right away even when it is obvious that they should. Take some time to heal from this and don't worry, there are plenty of good men out there.
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  #4  
Unread 12th September 2009, 11:51 PM
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Hi

The fact that he doesn't seem to see anything wrong with remaining good friends with this lady, shows a huge red flag for me. If he was truly intent on restoring his relationship with you and changing his ways, he would understand he needs to leave the relationship with that woman behind, on all accounts. It certainly doesn't sound like he is making you his first priority. You did the right thing by breaking it off with him. Better now, then marry him and have him do something like this again, it will only hurt and devastate you more after marriage.

My advice, cut off all contact with him and move on. Don't allow yourself to entertain the thought of getting back with him. He obviously makes poor judgement, and is still doing so if he's contacting random people online. Maybe he enjoys the attention but it doesn't sound like he is someone who you can trust to keep a commitment to you. You certainly deserve better.
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  #5  
Unread 13th September 2009, 12:01 AM
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The previous posters pretty much said it all. He has a lot of rethinking to do. Unfortunately that situation is not too uncommon within Christian circles. There are some long standing, very deep seated doctrinal issues behind such behaviour within sections of the Christian community.

You need to find someone who has convictions and values more akin to your own.

You will have a lot of pain for a while. That was a massive let down.

John
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  #6  
Unread 18th September 2009, 03:30 AM
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I'm going to go against everyone on here so I can give you some perspective on both sides of the spectrum .


June... of this year.. yea .. I got cheated on. I found out my girlfriend was sending rather sexual e mails and of course PICTURES to top it all off to another guy. The guy was from another country and she thought it wasn't a bad thing. I left her . I left town and moved away from her. She tried talking to me and I , angry <staff edit> , tried to process all of this in my mind but what came out of my mouth was the worst cussing that anyone could ever say to another person. I was torn. How could my girl do this to me ? I mean.. wow. I prayed to God , so badly and asked him why he had let her do this to me , and what was I to get of this. I don't know what happened but God told me... to forgive. I thought about it hard and long and I forgave her. I took her back and she regrets what she did. Am I proud of letting her back in my life ? A part of me always says " you shouldn't have done that" , but another side says " you're doing good , forgiveness is always a good thing." Now you can forgive without bringing them back in your life but my girlfriend is really working on herself and being a better person because of it. We all make mistakes. Talk to him and seriously have a conversation on why he did what he did. If you don't like whats coming out of his mouth then you know what to do. Its really up to you. Good luck , God Bless.
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  #7  
Unread 26th September 2009, 12:59 AM
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Na
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  #8  
Unread 26th September 2009, 01:46 AM
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You have done so well.

Bless you
John
NZ
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  #9  
Unread 26th September 2009, 02:32 PM
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Make like OchoCinco and drop kick him through the uprights!!! This dude has no plans to change and even if he will break it off with her, his messages via facebook are indications that he is basically PLANNING his next cheat!
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  #10  
Unread 26th September 2009, 03:25 PM
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Sorry to say this, but, you should be grateful that you discovered who he was before you married him. It's a blessing.

Also, after five years, he probably wasn't planning on marrying you.
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