Home invasion/Near-Death

CrimsonJoker · #1 30th August 2009, 06:21 PM

I used to live in Saginaw Michigan. I was rooming with a couple of friends. One of my roommates had a boyfriend who just so happened to be a Mexican Gang Member. He wasnt too bad a person at the time. He was kinda cool to hang out with. One night he came over high and drunk. I dont know what he was High on but it was obvious he was. He came over and started a rucus(SP). He broke the front door off its hinges and made a big effort to cause alot of damage. I called the cops and my roommate hid him in the back bedroom. Why she did this I dont know. When the cops finally showed up she refused to press charges. Seeing how nothing of mine was damaged and he never made a move to attack me I couldnt do a darn thing. The next night he came over again and was worse. I didnt know he had come over and I was sleeping in my bed. Which was located in the basement. I awoke to a wooshing sound over my head and a thud/crash of dry wall and aluminum bat. When I looked the bat was lodged in the wall above my head. Lucky for me the guy was too inhebriated to have good aim. I woke up and started yelling at the guy. He was demanding my cell phone. From the night before Im guessing he wanted to lock himself up. One of those disorders where the outside world is too much for a person. Anyways I started yelling at him, not cluing in that he wanted to go to jail. He threatened to kill me and I full on doubted him. I told him to do it. I told him if he really wanted to spend the rest of his life in jail getting very aquainted with Bubba he was more than welcome to drive that bat through my skull. Now I realize later this was a very bad move. He yelled for a little bit and actually swung at my head. I put my left arm up and it took the entire blow. Which btw hurts a heck of a lot more than you see on tv. The bat bent over my arm and I was in immense pain. Now most my life I didnt like cops for reasons of teenage idiocy. But that night I loved every single cop there...cept one. Lucky for me the police showed up soon after he busted my arm. He was taken upstairs and I figured the police knew I was down there...I was wrong. He started yelling that I had a "mach 10". So the police called me up and handcuffed me. It was plainly obvious my arm was busted but of course I neglected to tell them I was down there. So they handcuffed me and well you get the idea. They let me go when my roommates told them I was the occupant that lived in the basement.

Anyways the point of this fun little tale is that ever since then I havent been able to function properly. Someone jumps out of nowhere to jokingly scare me and my body freaks out and goes into attack mode. Last time this happened I was living with my friend. Her brother decided to scare the crap outta me. Well it worked and I ended up with a knife in my hand ready to defend myself. Thing is I dont remember going to the kitchen and grabbing the knife. All I remember is him scaring me and next thing I know I have the knife in my hand ready to kill him if I needed to. I dont believe in violence. Im not a pacifist. I realize in some cases violence is needed(defending oneself). But Im not the kinda person to pull a knife on some 15 year old kid for being an idiot. Im very jumpy and I cant seem to stay calm when Im alone. It scares me to be alone. What I was wondering is if anyone has any ideas that might help me quwell this...condition I guess I could say. I dont want to accidently hurt someone. It scares me to know that I could do that out of fear. Anyone have any advice?

the.Sheepdog · #2 2nd September 2009, 07:04 PM

sounds like close to PTSD to me. Post Traumatic Stress

I came out of the military with it. didnt know until Desert storm hit the news. A noise in the night and I am on the floor in a terror defensive posture waiting for it to be OK to move to grab a weapon.

What you went thru would stop anyone in their tracks. But you went on and are here now. I went to the VA for group counseling. You might consider something like that.

My head is on a 360* swivel now and I am always aware of my 6. The rest has faded slowly and I will pray it does for you as well. I am always here for you should you wish to chat. Im on msn too if you want to get my handle from me let me know or just look on my profile.

CrimsonJoker · #3 3rd September 2009, 02:49 AM

Thank you, and I hope it isnt ptsd...My mother went through it from childhood trauma...it isnt pretty...not one bit. Ever since I started acting the way I did I tend to keep a knife around me at all times. Before when I was living alone I would sleep with a knife next to me, but I sold it some time ago. Now I have a kitchen knife I keep near by. For some reason I can sleep soundly when I know its there, but when it isnt my body and my mind start going haywire....I do hope it isnt PTSD

myanchor · #4 1st October 2009, 02:16 PM

Hokay now, PTSD sucks, but you can get free of it. I had it from the toxic childhood and from some near adult experieinces. EMDR was very effective for me. That and the love of my good wife, and much prayer.

See a counselor who does EMDR and you may find it as helpful as I did.

CrimsonJoker · #5 2nd October 2009, 04:01 AM

Emdr?

Criada · #6 2nd October 2009, 04:12 AM

Eye movement desensitisation and reprogramming
It sounds weird, but it worked for me too. Basically it makes your brain reprocess the traumatic event and store it at the back of the brain in 'normal' memory, rather than it remaining at the front where it is still intense and traumatic to recall.
I had three sessions, and it almost completely stopped the flashbacks I was experiencing.
It's worth looking into

myanchor · #7 13th October 2009, 05:19 PM

Yep three was my number too. Thanks Criada, I knew it was eye movement something. I figured if it sounded interesting people would go to Bing or google.