I will recieve your words as blessings from God himself. I had similar thoughts earlier today ... and you my friend have just solidified the direction.
My mother's ex bf was like that, but unfortantly I couldn't find an answer for helping people like that. I tried to be understanding to my mother's ex bf but it seemed like nothing works. I had to get away from him, he was wearing me down.
I'll pray for your husband. I hope he overcomes that.
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There is no way to make sense of NPD from a normal perspective, because they make no rational sense! I believe that the reasons behind my own attraction to my NPD partner initially ...atleast, was that I came from a family who wanted little to do with me, where as ...he wanted everything to do with me. I genuienly mistook his controlling behaviour as the care I never had as a child.
If this is true for me, it is likely true for so many of our young women ...especially in broken, abusive and excessivley burdend families. Satan the liar has fooled many in the same way!
The story is not over yet though, during my trials,... and there are "many" I have used them as an opportunity for me and the children to grow closer to Jesus! As my NPD partner grows in weakness and denial, we grow stronger in our faith, strength, patience, and integrity. AMEN!!!!
After leaving my husband 6 months ago...he has not contacted me, only text messages a couple of months ago to let me know he was allowing God to do some work in him and that I needed to be understanding.....and nothing else until last week....he texted me in the middle of the night to tell me that he had gone to see his lawyer and he is filing for a divorce. I could not sleep that night.....even though I know in my heart this is the right thing to do,.because I fear the man, I do not trust him....he has deceived me in so many ways and does not take responsibility for anything that happened while we were together. It still makes me sad to look at a marriage that never truly existed. We were married a little over a year ago and after 8 months I could not take the abuse anymore. Yesterday I found out that he has a new woman in his life. For the most part I was angry today..........but now at night I just fell apart and got on my knees and cried out to God....because the pain of rejection and betrayal is hard. God has been taking care of me and I am truly blessed. I know I will be fine, I know that when get out of this valley there will be a mountain top, and I know that God will continue to use me to bless others and glorify Him. I have handed this man over to God....a man who was the associate pastor of my church, who has everyone in the churched fooled.....and judging me for leaving him.
I just ask for your prayers......asking God to guide me, and to give me the strength to deal with this pain, talk about it and let it go, to draw me closer and closer to Him....and that not I live, but He would live through me.
Jesus I can't, but You can through me.
Thank you for listening to me cry.
I thank you all for your prayers and encouragement.
After leaving my husband 6 months ago...he has not contacted me, only text messages a couple of months ago to let me know he was allowing God to do some work in him and that I needed to be understanding.....and nothing else until last week....he texted me in the middle of the night to tell me that he had gone to see his lawyer and he is filing for a divorce. I could not sleep that night.....even though I know in my heart this is the right thing to do,.because I fear the man, I do not trust him....he has deceived me in so many ways and does not take responsibility for anything that happened while we were together. It still makes me sad to look at a marriage that never truly existed. We were married a little over a year ago and after 8 months I could not take the abuse anymore. Yesterday I found out that he has a new woman in his life. For the most part I was angry today..........but now at night I just fell apart and got on my knees and cried out to God....because the pain of rejection and betrayal is hard. God has been taking care of me and I am truly blessed. I know I will be fine, I know that when get out of this valley there will be a mountain top, and I know that God will continue to use me to bless others and glorify Him. I have handed this man over to God....a man who was the associate pastor of my church, who has everyone in the churched fooled.....and judging me for leaving him.
I just ask for your prayers......asking God to guide me, and to give me the strength to deal with this pain, talk about it and let it go, to draw me closer and closer to Him....and that not I live, but He would live through me.
Jesus I can't, but You can through me.
Thank you for listening to me cry.
I thank you all for your prayers and encouragement.
I think you did the right thing. People like that need a wake up call, because they can't see that they're hurting the people who care about them and they're also hurting themselves.
I know that God will bless you greatly
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To the woman who is married to the associate pastor, my heart goes out to you. No doubt your biggest challenge right now is coming to terms with the idea that this man has decieved the entire church body and continues to do so. UGH!!!
You can be sure ...and I promise ...that: sooner or later, he'll show his fangs to someone, if even for a moment, ...and rest assure, that the questions WILL emerge as to WHO this man really is? God will vindicate you. For now, you should pray for the victims he continues to elude.
How does he explain the other woman to the church? What kind of church could allow this? Is it Christ centered? I am so baffled! It should be titled as the "Where the Blind lead the Blind Inc." Couldn't help that "sorry" We all fall short. I pray that you go through this conditioning as personal strength building (: producing a rock in faith! Remember Jesus and the religious pharisees (NPD's for sure!) He has already beat them for you is the good news, the problem is remembering that he did so- moment to moment.
God is blessing you. OUCH!!! ...doesn't feel good ...but definatelty worth it.
Thanks Davin. Frankly, I'm past the point of seeking happiness, I just want not to be miserable any more. I did tell him I would stay if he would: 1. Get a professional diagnosis (only because I can't convince him he's got a problem...he says his problem is my "victimizing" him...hoping a professional might be able to convince him), and 2. Begin to act on that diagnosis, with therapy or whatever, within a certain time frame (otherwise, he would continue to "forget about it" endlessly, hoping it will just go away). He's vascillated back and forth on the answer. He clearly DOESN'T want to do this. And I told him if he was doing it just because I asked him to, that wouldn't work either. He's going to have to really want it. He finally said he would at least go for the diagnosis. Won't promise anything beyond that. I can only hope and pray that God would open his heart and mind to the truth, but I have to tell you, I'm not optimistic about it at all right now.
That's an interesting point about him saying you're victimizing him.
There may be some of that.
In any situation where one person in a relationship thinks the other has a problem, I think they should both seek help.
You might be surprised to find out you have a problem. I know I was.
One great failing on Internet forums is that we can only see one side of the story. That side may be absolutely true, but probably not. There's always something more to the story. I'm not saying you're the one to blame, but it's worth checking out.
I always thought my husband had problems and so did my family and so did my co-workers and friends. I was certain there was an abundance of bad people in my life. I blamed my family. I blamed everyone I knew. Some of my family won't even talk to me any more. I go through periods of instability where I'm nice one day and mean the next.
To Jazz and Blue notes: it's not uncommon for the narcissist to blame the spouse for victimizing them. The whole world is against them and they are rarely wrong. I am in the same situation and only recently separated. Thank God I don't need to vindicate myself because his irrational behavior speaks for itself. That doesn't mean the spouse living with the Narcissist shouldn't seek counseling. I think all avenues need to be examined and also to see if you have contributed to any problems in the marriage. You need to be able to look at yourself and also get to the bottom of why you would be drawn to someone like that. I have been married 15 years and together with him for 17. We got together when I was 16. There were always signs, just not as exacerbated as the last few years. I didn't see it because I was in love. Other people were concerned for me but I thought, they don't know him like I do. I'm in counseling and I need to look at myself and also so I am accountable to God to do everything I know to do that He wants me to do.
Thanks for your replies. Yes, actually, I've been with a Christian counselor for a few months. I understand he can't make the decision to stay or go for me. And he really doesn't seem to be trying to influence me either way. He reminded me that if I stay, it will likely mean being resigned to being in a loveless marriage if my husband continues to do nothing about it—that NPD is one of those things that has a low success rate in treatment. But he also seems to be saying that he thinks I probably have biblical grounds to leave him. He has done a lot of study about the true meaning of and intent behind the words "adultery" (or is it "fornication"? I forget). He's of the opinion that adultery (or fornication) is less about sex and more about keeping and breaking covenants, and that my husband is and has (as a rule, not an exception), never loved, honored, or cherished me. I guess we're all guilty (including me) of not doing that. But the difference is, I don't want it to be that way. I want to be the kind of wife God wants me to be, and I’m trying to be open to anything God wants show me about myself that needs to change in order to make that happen. My husband doesn't. And “the rest of the world” doesn’t understand. He’s really good at maintaining the “nice-guy” image on the outside. And pretty much everyone in my world (except for my mom and siblings, who have seen his true colors over 14 years), will say to me, “But he’s such a nice guy. How could you think about leaving him?” I know it doesn’t matter what the world thinks…it’s what God thinks. I find it hard to believe God would want divorce, but I also find it hard to believe that a God who loves us would allow us to be sentenced to a loveless marriage. And there truly is no love there. I look into his eyes (when he makes eye contact with me, which he rarely does…never has), there is nothing there. It’s, like, empty space. I know. It’s weird. It makes me feel crazy.
I too have experienced the same NPD treatment from my husband of 10 years and the pain in unreal and if you have not experienced it you don't know what it's like. I hope enough time has passed since your post you are happily onto figuring out who you are and gaining your strength back.
I share your story Wooddove and I am in the process of leaving it is so hard to extract yourself out of their life. I do love my husband I am hopelessly devoted to someone who only considers me an object that in itself should be enough to pack my toys and go but sadly it wasn't. Not even 30 days into the marriage I was sleeping in my car in the drive way of his home reeling with pain. I yet I continued for another 10 years. I am in the last 48 hours of living with him and I have butterflies in my stomach for my future. I am going to take care of my Dad in another state who needs me now and I thank God for the opportunity I found a great church there and plan to be a part of it. I feel an lot of guilt leaving because I still hope, he loves me, he changes, he sees me as a wife and not an object but as I have pulled away he has quickly surrounded himself with other supplies in the form of single women. Not that he is dating them just pulling himself in position to play the game.
Please pray for me and others like me after reading this.
Can't even describe what I feel 
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