and my problem at work

i also need prayer because i have been verbally abused for a very long time. i went through some traumatic things in later life, and now i have symptoms of ptsd, post traumatic stress syndrome. it sucks. on top of having no confidence and being depressed in my life i worry all the time. i was told not to go on medication because that was not where healing comes from. i agree. but in the meantime, i would not say it stopns me from doing my job, but it affects my conversation with my employer especially because my former employer who i recently went to court with for unemployment put me down a lot about me worrying and said i was screwed up basically, but it is not true, there is nothing wrong with me, i just have problems. she calls it shyness. some people call it nerves. i call it worrying. i hate that i deal with it at work because when i my manager comes by most of the time i think it but it does not show i am afraid to do anything wrong, but sometimes it shows. she said my job is fine. she knows i am stressed, but she does not know all the story because it is not for employers to know. i am concerned that over time she will lose her patience. and i will be angry my worrying affected my job. many people have problems, i just read that someone got their car stolen. but i hate my life right now because of this. why can't i just be like i was before!!!??? please pray.