Looking for our new Church Home but struggling a lot...
Hello, I posted here a few months ago, and had some wonderful advice and prayers for my sister, who was considering terminating a pregnancy. Sine that time, she is engaged to be married, and carrying a very healthy boy due in November! Thank you for your support.
Again, I find myself here with some very confusing emotions about faith, religion, God, Church, our future family and our past relationships with local Church's.
Here are some notes / background info:
- I was a cradle Catholic, attended Catholic School all my life. When I met my Protestant (not religious) husband, I was intrigued about other denominations that I knew nothing at all about. My parents were/are devout Catholics who attend the local parish, and are VERY involved in the school. My mother represented the local area (many Church's) at St. Patricks Cathedral in NYC.
- After much research and soul searching, I married my husband 5 years ago in the Methodist Church in town, with my parents blessing (of course they would have preferred theirs but they supported us). However, My in-laws ended up over involving us and overwhelming us with Church related demands, and it strained our relationship a lot.
- We moved out of the area for a few years, and stopped going to Church for the most part since we were not settled nor decisive on where to go.
- We have moved back to the same town we both basically grew up in. The pressure is felt from both sides (MY parents, and our In Laws) to join each of their respective Church's. However, my *heart* nor my husbands is truly in either of them.
- Separate from those issues, I am also contending with a issue of a guilty conscious for leaving the Catholic church, but at the same time, have a great amount of fear in returning (my husband and his family are very proud WASPS, especially my mother I-L who is very opinionated about religions and doesnt mind bashing the CAtholic Church).
- ON top of all this, we want to start a family, as we are very much in love and our lives are falling into place in many other aspects, but the religion area is still very much a huge issue for us that strains our marriage. My husband is behind anything I decide, but I feel all the pressure and decision making is left in my hands, which is very difficult.
So, We are thinking of revisiting all Churchs in town. There are 2 Protestant Church's which interest me, but again, I still feel this pressure (almost something I don't welcome) or guilt, about the Catholic Church.
I have also been wavering in areas of faith, and possible am over-researching certain matters to help prove a case for my lack of faith lifestyle that I am struggling with.
I struggle with these questions: Where should we baptize our baby that we are going to try to have w/in the next year? (Should we go to a family church, or take this opportunity to find our own place). Will I go to heaven if I am not Catholic? Will my husband and his family still approve of me if we attend and raise our kids Catholic? Will my kids be happier if the are raised in one Church over another? Am I depriving my future kids of a close relationship w/ their grandparents if we go to our own, separate church. etc etc.. These are the kinds of things floating in my mind.
I greatly appreciate any advice, tips, suggestions, book recommendations and such in this spiritual and religious journey for my husband, myself and our future children.
- Separate from those issues, I am also contending with a issue of a guilty conscious for leaving the Catholic church, but at the same time, have a great amount of fear in returning (my husband and his family are very proud WASPS, especially my mother I-L who is very opinionated about religions and doesnt mind bashing the CAtholic Church).
I tend to ignore these kinds of people because they are usually very one-sided and close-minded about theology in general anyways, I wouldn't worry about it too much but it may possibly strain your relationship.
Originally Posted by Lookin4Peace
So, We are thinking of revisiting all Churchs in town. There are 2 Protestant Church's which interest me, but again, I still feel this pressure (almost something I don't welcome) or guilt, about the Catholic Church.
It is estimated that there are 38,000 formal protestant denominations world wide. May I ask which ones you are considering and what sorts of views you have on:
>The importantance of scripture
>The Eucharist/Communion
>Soteriology (Do we accept God willingly or does he predestine us?)
Originally Posted by Lookin4Peace
I have also been wavering in areas of faith, and possible am over-researching certain matters to help prove a case for my lack of faith lifestyle that I am struggling with.
Heh story of my life, praying for you!
Originally Posted by Lookin4Peace
I struggle with these questions: Where should we baptize our baby that we are going to try to have w/in the next year? (Should we go to a family church, or take this opportunity to find our own place). Will I go to heaven if I am not Catholic? Will my husband and his family still approve of me if we attend and raise our kids Catholic? Will my kids be happier if the are raised in one Church over another? Am I depriving my future kids of a close relationship w/ their grandparents if we go to our own, separate church. etc etc.. These are the kinds of things floating in my mind.
While I don't believe the Catholic church is evil, any church that claims it has the monopoly on faith is wrong in my book. If you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior (as clearly stated in the Gospel John) then you are saved, by definition. Kids will adopt to any church environment if they grow up in it. I was raised Catholic so I still prefer liturgical churches over really contemporary services but I tend to agree with some Methodist and Anglican theology so it makes an interesting mix. If your grandparents are reasonable people, they should not let issues of faith and theology affect their relationship with their grandkids that is absurd, there may be tension between your families I cannot deny that (I dated a Southern Baptist girl for months and her family made my life hell but I doubt this is that extreme) but kids change a situation and eventually these petty matters, as much as I don't want to undermine my own theology study, are still petty in the eyes of God.
Understanding that God wants us to believe in Jesus as the one who was born, crucified, buried and ressurected for our sins and that we should call him LORD is what is paramount to Christianity. Not the church, not its liturgy (or lack of), not its theology etc. etc. the church is defined biblically as any number of people more than two who gather in the name of God. It is not bound to one building, one specific baptism etc. etc.
On baptism, most Protestants (including Anglican who run the middle ground between Catholic and Protestant) recognizes any Baptism that is done in the name of the Father, The Son and the Holy Spirit as valid...church notwithstanding although some churches (like Baptists) prefer if kids aren't baptised at a young age but rather at an age where they can decide to follow Christ for themselves. It is all a matter of perspective there are a million different views.
Originally Posted by Lookin4Peace
I greatly appreciate any advice, tips, suggestions, book recommendations and such in this spiritual and religious journey for my husband, myself and our future children.
God bless & Thank you so much!
I hope I could help.
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Hello, I posted here a few months ago, and had some wonderful advice and prayers for my sister, who was considering terminating a pregnancy. Sine that time, she is engaged to be married, and carrying a very healthy boy due in November! Thank you for your support.
Again, I find myself here with some very confusing emotions about faith, religion, God, Church, our future family and our past relationships with local Church's.
Here are some notes / background info:
- I was a cradle Catholic, attended Catholic School all my life. When I met my Protestant (not religious) husband, I was intrigued about other denominations that I knew nothing at all about. My parents were/are devout Catholics who attend the local parish, and are VERY involved in the school. My mother represented the local area (many Church's) at St. Patricks Cathedral in NYC.
- After much research and soul searching, I married my husband 5 years ago in the Methodist Church in town, with my parents blessing (of course they would have preferred theirs but they supported us). However, My in-laws ended up over involving us and overwhelming us with Church related demands, and it strained our relationship a lot.
- We moved out of the area for a few years, and stopped going to Church for the most part since we were not settled nor decisive on where to go.
- We have moved back to the same town we both basically grew up in. The pressure is felt from both sides (MY parents, and our In Laws) to join each of their respective Church's. However, my *heart* nor my husbands is truly in either of them.
- Separate from those issues, I am also contending with a issue of a guilty conscious for leaving the Catholic church, but at the same time, have a great amount of fear in returning (my husband and his family are very proud WASPS, especially my mother I-L who is very opinionated about religions and doesnt mind bashing the CAtholic Church).
- ON top of all this, we want to start a family, as we are very much in love and our lives are falling into place in many other aspects, but the religion area is still very much a huge issue for us that strains our marriage. My husband is behind anything I decide, but I feel all the pressure and decision making is left in my hands, which is very difficult.
So, We are thinking of revisiting all Churchs in town. There are 2 Protestant Church's which interest me, but again, I still feel this pressure (almost something I don't welcome) or guilt, about the Catholic Church.
I have also been wavering in areas of faith, and possible am over-researching certain matters to help prove a case for my lack of faith lifestyle that I am struggling with.
I struggle with these questions: Where should we baptize our baby that we are going to try to have w/in the next year? (Should we go to a family church, or take this opportunity to find our own place). Will I go to heaven if I am not Catholic? Will my husband and his family still approve of me if we attend and raise our kids Catholic? Will my kids be happier if the are raised in one Church over another? Am I depriving my future kids of a close relationship w/ their grandparents if we go to our own, separate church. etc etc.. These are the kinds of things floating in my mind.
I greatly appreciate any advice, tips, suggestions, book recommendations and such in this spiritual and religious journey for my husband, myself and our future children.
God bless & Thank you so much!
HI.
First, we should say that your problem is complicated and needs a lot of prayer. You know that, but this is not just a case of asking where you might find a church that believes in ________. (Some of our inquiries are like that and much easier to field.)
Second, even the Catholic Church does not teach that you cannot go to heaven if you leave the Catholic Church. It teaches that it is the true church, but not what you are worried about. Therefore, I hope you can put your mind at ease on this matter at least.
Third, you seem at an impasse with regard to which church to join but my own instinctive feeling is that--unless you absolutely decide that you were wrong, religiously speaking, to leave the Catholic Church and want to return to it at all costs--you are facing a revolving door. That is to say, you will find unbearable pressure returning to your town's Catholic Church OR to the Methodist church.
Unless you are willing to endure this--for one reason or another--I'd think that it might be best to choose a third church that both you and your husband can feel good about and have the baptism there. One thing that I might add to that thought, in case you are in any doubt about it, is that both the Methodist Church and the Cathoilc Church consider the baptism to be valid, whatever the church that performs it, if water is used and the baptism is done in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit (which both Methodists and Catholics would do themselves).
The sticking point if you took this advice would seem to be that I don't know which denomination, etc. those other churches are, and you've already told me that there aren't many to choose from. It they are not at all like the churches you both grew up with, this suggestion will probably not work.
I personally see the general relationship of your kids with either set of grandparents as not likely to be seriously endangered in any case. Most grandparents will not punish their grandchildren (or themselves by distancing themselves from those kids) over disagreements like this involving the parents, but it becomes VERY much easier if neither set of grandparents has to deal with your family having joined the church of the other set of grandparents.
Lookin4Peace, if I have to give you any practical information, it would be this: learn the doctrinal differences of the Catholic Church and the Protestant denomination your in-laws hold to. Then, read the Bible, looking for what it has to say concerning these doctrinal differences.
You can find peace with God, you can figure out which denomination is correct of the two, and the one you disagree with you can explain your reasons to your family of the losing side. Perhaps you will be able to convert the losing side and unite your family =p
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Troparion - Tone 4
Commanders of the heavenly hosts, we who are unworthy beseech you, by your prayers encompass us beneath the wings of your immaterial glory, and faithfully preserve us who fall down and cry to you: “Deliver us from all harm, for you are the commanders of the powers on high!”
Holy Archangel Michael, pray to God for me.
"It's later than you think. Hasten therefore, to do the work of God." ~ Fr. Seraphim Rose
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You and your husband don't have to go either Catholic or Protestant. You could go Orthodox.
Then she could dismay her in-laws and her own folks equally while also keeping unresolved her lingering sense of guilt about not remaining Roman Catholic. Hmmmm.
Then she could dismay her in-laws and her own folks equally while also keeping unresolved her lingering sense of guilt about not remaining Roman Catholic. Hmmmm.
Or, both sides of her family would eventually get over it and she would cease to feel guilt about not remaining in the RCC entirely. Hmmm.
One shouldn't hesitate to make faith decisions due to the fear of offending family members- mine were offended terribly too as were many families of people I go to church with who converted- and most of the time- their families will eventually get over it. This is a huge decision, but if one discovers a church and becomes convicted that God wants them there, they will convert whether or not they have the approval of other people in their life. I had this fear, and it turned out that it was just one of the ways the evil one will attempt to keep us from God.
Regardless, I'm not going to stop suggesting Orthodoxy as an option for people on this board when I see someone who may be open to learning about it. Coming and seeing what the Orthodox Church is all about is not equal to making a commitment. I believe Orthodox Christianity will often speak for itself to anyone who comes to check us out. Often, people won't consider us because a) they've never heard of us in the US or b) they don't consider that God might convict them and whatever issues they think they have with Orthodoxy might be resolved and their particular wish for a certain type of service might become moot.
I didn't think anything would make me give Christianity a second look and I thought I had seen and experienced it all.
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Troparion - Tone 4
Commanders of the heavenly hosts, we who are unworthy beseech you, by your prayers encompass us beneath the wings of your immaterial glory, and faithfully preserve us who fall down and cry to you: “Deliver us from all harm, for you are the commanders of the powers on high!”
Holy Archangel Michael, pray to God for me.
"It's later than you think. Hasten therefore, to do the work of God." ~ Fr. Seraphim Rose
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Last edited by seashale76; 8th August 2009 at 03:01 PM.
Or, both sides of her family would eventually get over it and she would cease to feel guilt about not remaining in the RCC entirely. Hmmm.
So Orthodoxy would be no worse for her than most other choices she could make? I recognized that. What's more, you don't have any reason to assume that both sides would "get over" a conversion to Orthodoxy. She's already told us that it's tough to navigate between Catholics and Methodists, so who seriously can think that Orthodoxy would make everything easier? Not likely.
Regardless, I'm not going to stop suggesting Orthodoxy as an option for people on this board when I see someone who may be open to learning about it.
I'm not your boss, but I'd agree that if they say anything that comes close to suggesting that they are in that frame of mind, you'd be right. Certainly. It didn't happen with this thread. But when we see almost every poster, even those who have said that they are looking for a church that is very much unlike Orthodoxy, getting the same response--"Try Orthodoxy"--it's something else. You know what.
And we've also asked several Protestants to refrain from making automatic promos, so it's nothing against Orthodoxy. And imagine how "helpful" this forum would be if, no matter what is asked, the replies are a series of posts saying "Try mine." NO, "Try mine." etc. Believe it or not, the inquirers already know that there are people out there who belong to every church in the yellow pages listings and like where they are.
Last edited by Albion; 8th August 2009 at 04:14 PM.
The thing is Albion, I DON'T suggest Orthodoxy on every thread here. Far from it. Perhaps you protest too much? The OP came here for suggestions. The OP can decide for herself what she'll believe or where she'll go to church regardless of what anyone here says or suggests. Even if you happen to think your suggestions are more in line with your perception of what her parameters are- some may find that even though they get suggestions within their parameters- it turns out they'll find themselves back at square one. And, incidentally, I feel my suggestion does fall within the parameters in this case. In more than a few posts on this board, people don't have any preferences, so there is absolutely no harm in inviting someone to attend a certain church, especially if they've never been.
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Troparion - Tone 4
Commanders of the heavenly hosts, we who are unworthy beseech you, by your prayers encompass us beneath the wings of your immaterial glory, and faithfully preserve us who fall down and cry to you: “Deliver us from all harm, for you are the commanders of the powers on high!”
Holy Archangel Michael, pray to God for me.
"It's later than you think. Hasten therefore, to do the work of God." ~ Fr. Seraphim Rose
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The thing is Albion, I DON'T suggest Orthodoxy on every thread here. Far from it.
Well, for one thing, it's not the volume that is the main issue. But you do admit that you do this often, if not in "every" case, right? Yeh, I know that there is some restraint, and I didn't mean to exaggerate if it seemed that way. I just would hope that those who come here and don't want a bunch of "try my church. You'll like it" replies are respected in their often-difficult positions.
The OP came here for suggestions.
Excuse me but that was not an open-ended request. It came with a lot of specifics.
The OP can decide for herself what she'll believe or where she'll go to church regardless of what anyone here says or suggests
Of course, but that isn't the point at all.
Even if you happen to think your suggestions are more in line with your perception of what her parameters are- some may find that even though they get suggestions within their parameters- it turns out they'll find themselves back at square one. And, incidentally, I feel my suggestion does fall within the parameters in this case. In more than a few posts on this board, people don't have any preferences, so there is absolutely no harm in inviting someone to attend a certain church, especially if they've never been.
I'm not going to argue with you, especially on such a premise as "it can't do them any harm." Just try to be what they are asking for and not see yourself as the agent for changing their minds. I say this with no authority at all here, other than knowing what you can deduce for yourself about what this forum would turn into if it were different. We'd give "spam" a new meaning, and it would lead to arguing between the respondents until the effectiveness of this one, unique forum were damaged permanently.
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