I struggle with these questions: Where should we baptize our baby that we are going to try to have w/in the next year? (Should we go to a family church, or take this opportunity to find our own place).
I would say there is no harm in visiting other churches. Sometimes, you may find a new church, and sometimes, you may decide that you need to go back to a previous church. It is not a decision to make lightly, and I wouldn't settle just because I felt someone expected me to do something. Take your time and consider things prayerfully.
Will I go to heaven if I am not Catholic? Will my husband and his family still approve of me if we attend and raise our kids Catholic? Will my kids be happier if the are raised in one Church over another? Am I depriving my future kids of a close relationship w/ their grandparents if we go to our own, separate church. etc etc.. These are the kinds of things floating in my mind.
Will you go to heaven if you're not Catholic is a question for the Catholics. You must ask yourself if you need the approval of others if you ever decide that you should return to the faith of your childhood. I don't think your kids should be raised in multiple churches- I've only seen this back-fire on parents. Parents need to agree for the kids to be raised in one faith. You need to consider that when the kids are older they're going to decide for themselves what to do and believe regardless of how you feel in most cases anyway. I think that any grandparents who would keep themselves distanced from their grandkids because their parents chose to raise them in a faith they disagree with are the ones with the problem- and I know people who this has happened to. I honestly think you can't control what other people are going to do, just how you respond. If you do agree to raise your kids in a church your in-laws dislike, then the only thing you can do is show love to them anyway and get your kids to do the same.
And, as for your husband, if the both of you can agree on a church together, that is very important. It is easier on your marriage. Having once been in the position of my husband and I not agreeing when it comes to faith, I can tell you that it can be a huge strain on a marriage.
I greatly appreciate any advice, tips, suggestions, book recommendations and such in this spiritual and religious journey for my husband, myself and our future children.
God bless & Thank you so much!
Of course, being Orthodox, I'm always going to suggest that a person check out an Orthodox Church- as I don't believe in promoting other faiths. You're always more than welcome to come and visit- and you're more than welcome to check out the Orthodox board here at CF too.
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Holy Archangel Michael, pray to God for me.
"Why do you increase your bonds? Take hold of your life before your light grows dark and you seek help and do not find it. This life has been given to you for repentance; do not waste it in vain pursuits."~St. Isaac the Syrian
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To the OP - I would definitely encourage you to visit more churches - you can't know what's out there and what they are really all about until you visit. You may hate some, but may love others that you never would have thought of.
I also agree that finding a church that is new to you and your husband might be the best thing to keep peace in the family. I think that your parents and your husband's parents are going to love your baby no matter what.
I wish you luck and will be praying for you both during your journey!
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Good questions are basic to good guidance. You are asking some good questions. But above all, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God..." Matthew 6:33. You have the misfortune of friends and family that bring a lot of noise to your search. Be careful to listen for good advice, advice that points you closer toward careful consideration of God's written word and growing love of Him. Generally this advice will be quiet, thoughtful, and undergirded with careful use of the Bible.
I would like to suggest a couple things to look for in a church. First is to see how the Bible is handled. Is it indeed and fully the revealed thought of God? It is quite common to hold that what we have before the cross of Christ is “Old Testament,” therefore has been “fulfilled” and has little binding value to the Christian. Teaching for us is found in the book of Acts and after. But notice this: “And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, he expounded unto them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself” Luke 24:27. The newly resurrected Jesus said nothing of what He had just gone through except as was found in His Scriptures - the Old Testament. The only scriptures of Paul, Peter, or John were the Old Testament. They would likely be shocked at what became of their letters and writings! So can the church teach from the authority of ALL of the Bible?
Does the church hold that Jesus is the Christ (Messiah - anointed One), the Son of God and fully God? Are all His life and teachings valid and of value to us? Does His death cover the penalty of our sin? Can we live a new life in Him? Consider Acts 11:26: “And the disciples were called Christians first in Antioch.” They were so focused Christ that they got labeled. Hmmm.
It is normal to be uncomfortable with questioning the tradition in which you were raised. You do well to look at it carefully. I was raised in a strong tradition, I have examined it and made personal adjustments. Fortunately that examination has strengthened my position in it. It may be difficult but you may find value in learning what was behind the Rebellion/Reformation.
As you are looking for a congregation in which to grow your faith you may want to include a Seventh-day Adventist church in your search.
Hello, I posted here a few months ago, and had some wonderful advice and prayers for my sister, who was considering terminating a pregnancy. Sine that time, she is engaged to be married, and carrying a very healthy boy due in November! Thank you for your support.
Again, I find myself here with some very confusing emotions about faith, religion, God, Church, our future family and our past relationships with local Church's.
Here are some notes / background info:
- I was a cradle Catholic, attended Catholic School all my life. When I met my Protestant (not religious) husband, I was intrigued about other denominations that I knew nothing at all about. My parents were/are devout Catholics who attend the local parish, and are VERY involved in the school. My mother represented the local area (many Church's) at St. Patricks Cathedral in NYC.
- After much research and soul searching, I married my husband 5 years ago in the Methodist Church in town, with my parents blessing (of course they would have preferred theirs but they supported us). However, My in-laws ended up over involving us and overwhelming us with Church related demands, and it strained our relationship a lot.
- We moved out of the area for a few years, and stopped going to Church for the most part since we were not settled nor decisive on where to go.
- We have moved back to the same town we both basically grew up in. The pressure is felt from both sides (MY parents, and our In Laws) to join each of their respective Church's. However, my *heart* nor my husbands is truly in either of them.
- Separate from those issues, I am also contending with a issue of a guilty conscious for leaving the Catholic church, but at the same time, have a great amount of fear in returning (my husband and his family are very proud WASPS, especially my mother I-L who is very opinionated about religions and doesnt mind bashing the CAtholic Church).
- ON top of all this, we want to start a family, as we are very much in love and our lives are falling into place in many other aspects, but the religion area is still very much a huge issue for us that strains our marriage. My husband is behind anything I decide, but I feel all the pressure and decision making is left in my hands, which is very difficult.
So, We are thinking of revisiting all Churchs in town. There are 2 Protestant Church's which interest me, but again, I still feel this pressure (almost something I don't welcome) or guilt, about the Catholic Church.
I have also been wavering in areas of faith, and possible am over-researching certain matters to help prove a case for my lack of faith lifestyle that I am struggling with.
I struggle with these questions: Where should we baptize our baby that we are going to try to have w/in the next year? (Should we go to a family church, or take this opportunity to find our own place). Will I go to heaven if I am not Catholic? Will my husband and his family still approve of me if we attend and raise our kids Catholic? Will my kids be happier if the are raised in one Church over another? Am I depriving my future kids of a close relationship w/ their grandparents if we go to our own, separate church. etc etc.. These are the kinds of things floating in my mind.
I greatly appreciate any advice, tips, suggestions, book recommendations and such in this spiritual and religious journey for my husband, myself and our future children.
God bless & Thank you so much!
I can relate to the Catholic guilt. I was raised Catholic and my grandfather was a devout Catholic but the Catholic Church just wasn't for me. So I visited a handful of Churches and decided on the UMC. It's your life so it's your choice on where to go to Church. Why go to a Church you don't really want to go to? You will definetly know which Church is right for you.
Dear Lord of glory, I praise You for Your glory. I thank You for bringing me the light of life. O Lord, may Your glory shine in my walk and my words. Please make my message about Your glory, not about my flesh, in Your holy name, Amen.
(1 Corinthians 3:1 GNB) As a matter of fact, my friends, I could not talk to you as I talk to people who have the Spirit; I had to talk to you as though you belonged to this world, as children in the Christian faith. (1 Corinthians 3:2 GNB) I had to feed you milk, not solid food, because you were not ready for it. And even now you are not ready for it, (1 Corinthians 3:3 GNB) because you still live as the people of this world live. When there is jealousy among you and you quarrel with one another, doesn't this prove that you belong to this world, living by its standards? (1 Corinthians 3:4 GNB) When one of you says, "I follow Paul," and another, "I follow Apollos"---aren't you acting like worldly people? (1 Corinthians 3:5 GNB) After all, who is Apollos? And who is Paul? We are simply God's servants, by whom you were led to believe. Each one of us does the work which the Lord gave him to do: (1 Corinthians 3:6 GNB) I planted the seed, Apollos watered the plant, but it was God who made the plant grow. (1 Corinthians 3:7 GNB) The one who plants and the one who waters really do not matter. It is God who matters, because he makes the plant grow. (1 Corinthians 3:8 GNB) There is no difference between the one who plants and the one who waters; God will reward each one according to the work each has done.
May I be so bold, its God that makes us grow, not the church group we attend, go to both and do not judge anyone. both are working with what they have to offer, go to church for God and you, do not go because some expects you to go. Go for God, put God first in all things. and your life will fall into place.
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Originally Posted by laurasmonologue
I would definitely encourage you to visit more churches - you can't know what's out there and what they are really all about until you visit. You may hate some, but may love others that you never would have thought of.
It is to the reactions of the people in those churches you shall be able to feel if God is with them and if they are really following Jesus. "Looking for peace " they should bring you peace.
Originally Posted by Albion
Unless you are willing to endure this--for one reason or another--I'd think that it might be best to choose a third church that both you and your husband can feel good about and have the baptism there.
.... The sticking point if you took this advice would seem to be that I don't know which denomination, etc. those other churches are, and you've already told me that there aren't many to choose from. It they are not at all like the churches you both grew up with, this suggestion will probably not work.
You may not pinpoint only to churches which are very close at home. It can be that some miles away would be a better church.
Look also at the non-traditional churches and when people would come at your door preaching, go in discussion with them about matters of your believe and that of your husband. Try to understand the differences.
You may not pinpoint only to churches which are very close at home. It can be that some miles away would be a better church.
On this forum, we respond to the criteria that the inquirer sets before us. She did not find travelling a significant distance from home to be an option--which, by the way, parents of small children often mention.
Look also at the non-traditional churches and when people would come at your door preaching, go in discussion with them about matters of your believe and that of your husband. Try to understand the differences.
It appears from the OP that her options are limited to the traditional churches near home.
I can seriously sympathize with all the issues you are having. My husband and I have gone through similar stuff (and are still going through it, although I think the worst is over.) There's just no quick and easy solution.
With that in mind, here's a few thoughts on your questions:
"Will I go to heaven if I'm not Catholic?"
- As Albion pointed out, not even Catholics believe that people who leave the Catholic Church cannot go to heaven. So don't worry about that.
"Will my husband and family still approve of me if we attend and raise our kids Catholic?"
- Depends on your husband and family. On a personal note, it can be done: I take the kids to mass and we both take the kids to Calvary Chapel and our families (Lutheran and fundamentalist, respectively) still approve of us.
The really important thing for any church decision is to discuss, study, and pray about it with your husband. Seek God's will. Be very open with one another. It is extremely important that the two of you are on the same page. That doesn't mean you must share the same opinions, but it does mean that you have to come to an agreement on what course of action is best for the two of you and your kids. If you present a united front, your in-laws are more likely to graciously accept whatever church decision you make.
"Will my kids be happier if they are raised in one church over another?"
- They'll be happy wherever the two of you are happy. It's not worth worrying about in advance.
"Am I depriving my future kids of a close relationship with their grandparents if we go to our own separate church?"
- No, not unless the grandparents in question are insanely touchy. From what you said about past over-involvement in church activities at your in-laws' church, a separate church might not be such a bad thing.
Hello, I posted here a few months ago, and had some wonderful advice and prayers for my sister, who was considering terminating a pregnancy. Sine that time, she is engaged to be married, and carrying a very healthy boy due in November! Thank you for your support.
Again, I find myself here with some very confusing emotions about faith, religion, God, Church, our future family and our past relationships with local Church's.
Here are some notes / background info:
- I was a cradle Catholic, attended Catholic School all my life. When I met my Protestant (not religious) husband, I was intrigued about other denominations that I knew nothing at all about. My parents were/are devout Catholics who attend the local parish, and are VERY involved in the school. My mother represented the local area (many Church's) at St. Patricks Cathedral in NYC.
- After much research and soul searching, I married my husband 5 years ago in the Methodist Church in town, with my parents blessing (of course they would have preferred theirs but they supported us). However, My in-laws ended up over involving us and overwhelming us with Church related demands, and it strained our relationship a lot.
- We moved out of the area for a few years, and stopped going to Church for the most part since we were not settled nor decisive on where to go.
- We have moved back to the same town we both basically grew up in. The pressure is felt from both sides (MY parents, and our In Laws) to join each of their respective Church's. However, my *heart* nor my husbands is truly in either of them.
- Separate from those issues, I am also contending with a issue of a guilty conscious for leaving the Catholic church, but at the same time, have a great amount of fear in returning (my husband and his family are very proud WASPS, especially my mother I-L who is very opinionated about religions and doesnt mind bashing the CAtholic Church).
- ON top of all this, we want to start a family, as we are very much in love and our lives are falling into place in many other aspects, but the religion area is still very much a huge issue for us that strains our marriage. My husband is behind anything I decide, but I feel all the pressure and decision making is left in my hands, which is very difficult.
So, We are thinking of revisiting all Churchs in town. There are 2 Protestant Church's which interest me, but again, I still feel this pressure (almost something I don't welcome) or guilt, about the Catholic Church.
I have also been wavering in areas of faith, and possible am over-researching certain matters to help prove a case for my lack of faith lifestyle that I am struggling with.
I struggle with these questions: Where should we baptize our baby that we are going to try to have w/in the next year? (Should we go to a family church, or take this opportunity to find our own place). Will I go to heaven if I am not Catholic? Will my husband and his family still approve of me if we attend and raise our kids Catholic? Will my kids be happier if the are raised in one Church over another? Am I depriving my future kids of a close relationship w/ their grandparents if we go to our own, separate church. etc etc.. These are the kinds of things floating in my mind.
I greatly appreciate any advice, tips, suggestions, book recommendations and such in this spiritual and religious journey for my husband, myself and our future children.
God bless & Thank you so much!
I'm sorry to hear that you're parents were overly demanding.
Also, you could take it in another way. That they are concerned for you and for your salvation. Still, I think they were overly demanding.
My parents weren't involved in the Church at all and I really wish they were.
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