My sweet brothers and sisters...I love you all so very much! As I read some of the posts I see your lonely hearts. It hurts me to see that some of you yearn for a mate. I know that you must be going through challenges, but please do not let loneliness conquer you. You are complete, my dear friends, without a significant other. It would be nice to share your life with someone, but it will not complete you. If you are depressed it may be more than just finding a significant other to take that away. Keep your head up, friends.
I surfed the Net trying to find something that might help my lonely brothers and sisters (if indeed, you are one). Here is what I have found (I REALLY hope this helps):
I can care a less anymore about finding a mate, but thanks for these things, cause I am trying to find friends. You know, I have tried everything on these lists and still at square one, no friends!
I don't think lonliness always means that you want or think someone will complete you or believe that a SO will fix everything; maybe in the extreme or in an unbalanced way. For me , it's more about wanting to feel understood by humans. A spouse isn't about what you get from them , it's about what you give to them. So while I'm lonely, I still love God and serve Him and try to be a friend to others. Sometimes when you've lost a lot of friends at one time, it's just a natural feeling. Anyways, I'm not trying to be a snot, I just think even admitting lonliness carries a certian stigma and it's often misunderstood in and of itself. And sometimes even in getting involved, meeting people, helping others- it's hard to find a more than surface connection (in the human realm that is). It's ok to feel lonely; I think we all will be at some point. Of course, extremes are a dangerous place to be and can be sinful. I do think that even Jesus was lonely (in the human sense) - His earthly friends deserted Him in a time of His greatest need and they never understood what He was saying. I just wanted to offer my perspective, that people who admit to being lonely aren't always damaged individuals that need fixing for feeling that feeling. I'm not saying you said that I just feel misunderstood whenever I admit that yes i am lonely. It's true, I would like to get married, but not to fix lonely feelings forever or even find completeness. I sorta feel complete as I am. It's complicated to explain, lol.
__________________ The start is not nearly as important as the finish.
"Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." Mark Twain
The most important thing I got out of my divorce care classes at church is that being alone does not have to mean being lonely. You have to make a life for yourself whether you have a significant relationship with someone or not.
Make friends. Go be where safe people are. If you have a safe family, spend time with them. Get some hobbies, pursue some interests. If you don't have any interest that you are able to do at the present time, try some new things.
Occupy your mind with stuff you can do while you are alone. Don't cry yourself to sleep at night. Read, listen or watch something that make you feel better. Falling asleep while listening to music or reading Scripture is far better than wallowing in misery until you pass out.
While I was still separated and waiting on my divorce, I hung out at the library and made friend with the people who worked there. There were also other people who were there alot that became familiar faces, and just their smiles felt wonderful.
On my birthday during this same time, I went out by myself...square dancing! LOL They were all Sr. citizens with the exception of a lady who was about 10 years older than me and a teenaged boy who was there with his grandparents. I had a blast! I hadn't squared danced since I was in Jr. High, which was part of a PE requirement (I live in TX). I ended up not dancing that night because my knees are unstable, and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up with those old people! If it were not for the grey and white hair, you would have thought they were 20 the way they danced. They were so nice. Everyone wanted to talk and treated me like I was one of the group.
I jsut bought myself some material and pattern and notion to make myself a shirt. I haven't sewn since I was 17 years old, with the exception of hemming some pants and sewing on buttons. But I'm excited. I've got something to do that will occupy my mind and hands, and I'm going to have fun doing it.
My point is do stuff, alone or with people, and don't be scared to try something just because you might not like it. Toss all your preconcieved ideas out the door. Forget your opinons for just a little while. You might surprise yourself and have fun, even if you don't ever do it again. Trying something doesn't mean you always have to do it. Sometimes doing something I think I won't like is fun just because it is different.
Don't just sit there and pout. Get up. Go find something to do, even if it is in your own home.
__________________ "Do catterpillars know they are going to be butterflies or does God surprise them?" - Dotty, Family Circus
Last edited by SearcherKris; 25th July 2009 at 01:28 PM.
The most important thing I got out of my divorce care classes at church is that being alone does not have to mean being lonely. You have to make a life for yourself whether you have a significant relationship with someone or not.
Make friends, go be where safe people are. if you have a safe family, spend time with them. Get some hobbies, pursue some interests. If you don't have any interest that you are able to do at the present time, try some new things.
Occupy your mind with stuff you can do while you are alone. Don't cry yourself to sleep at night, read, listen or watch something that make you feel better. Falling asleep while listening to music or reading Scripture is far better than wallowing in misery until you pass out.
Well said!
And for the record...loneliness is not a sin (you did not say this...someone else did, but I do NOT want to put them on the "spot"). Loneliness is a type of emotional state. God and Jesus have NEVER once said that our emotions are sinful...He said not to react in a sinful manner of them. A good example would be the emotion of anger...God and Jesus were angry, but it was how they handled it: Matthew 21:12-13; Mark 3:5;Mark 11:15-18; Luke 19:47;John 2:13-22; John 2:17; Ephesians 4:26. ---I hope this helps.
And for the record...loneliness is not a sin (you did not say this...someone else did, but I do NOT want to put them on the "spot"). Loneliness is a type of emotional state. God and Jesus have NEVER once said that our emotions are sinful...He said not to react in a sinful manner of them. A good example would be the emotion of anger...God and Jesus were angry, but it was how they handled it: Matthew 21:12-13; Mark 3:5;Mark 11:15-18; Luke 19:47;John 2:13-22; John 2:17; Ephesians 4:26. ---I hope this helps.
Exactly.
Being lonely is something you want to handle well and get past, but its not wrong. It's actually a blessing because it shows you that you need something, and you can act on that to get the need met.
__________________ "Do catterpillars know they are going to be butterflies or does God surprise them?" - Dotty, Family Circus
I just brought that up about thinking it was a sin, b/c that's how many people in my life have treated it. I did not say that you said that. I'm sorry if there was any miscommunication. I agree with you about it's how we handle it. Emotion can become a sin if we let it control us.
Sometimes with lonliness , there is no simple easy fix. You just have to pray and walk through it. It's not fun to go through it, but it does make you stronger to reach the other side. But being lonely does not always mean that you are looking to a spouse to fix everything. You might desire marriage and be in a lonely situaiton at the same time, but not looking for the first to be a permanent solution to the later.
__________________ The start is not nearly as important as the finish.
"Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." Mark Twain
Being lonely is something you want to handle well and get past, but its not wrong. It's actually a blessing because it shows you that you need something, and you can act on that to get the need met.
i agree
__________________ The start is not nearly as important as the finish.
"Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." Mark Twain
I just feel misunderstood whenever I admit that yes i am lonely. It's true, I would like to get married, but not to fix lonely feelings forever or even find completeness. I sorta feel complete as I am. It's complicated to explain, lol. 
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