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9th July 2009, 09:05 AM
|  | Legend
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 | | Join Date: 17th December 2004 Location: New Zealand
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Reps: 23,603,295,223,588,040 (power: 23,603,295,223,610) | | We certainly have physical intimacy, we cuddle and kiss and hold hands and I certainly have a desire to do that, but relationships can certainly exist without that  if that is what distinguishes a relationship, the feeling must indeed be infatuation.
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9th July 2009, 09:16 AM
|  | Iconochristian
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| | Join Date: 30th April 2009 Location: Austin Texas
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Reps: 180,413,617,168,477 (power: 180,413,617,173) | | Originally Posted by Windmill  We certainly have physical intimacy, we cuddle and kiss and hold hands and I certainly have a desire to do that, but relationships can certainly exist without that if that is what distinguishes a relationship, the feeling must indeed be infatuation.
It may not be love but it does not have to be infatuation. Love is something that develops over time. In the mean time you have something else. Something not quite love but not infatuation. A middle ground where enjoying the others company is the important part.
__________________ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I may not make you believe, but I will make you think. |
9th July 2009, 09:53 AM
|  | κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον
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| | Join Date: 1st April 2007 Location: New Carlisle, IN
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Reps: 172,377,018,846,282,080 (power: 172,377,018,846,307) | | Originally Posted by SonicBOOM I think these situations are more common than people realize  I am by no means bashing anyone who has this desire.... however you better be doing it for the right reasons. In actuality the only reason to place boundaries is to protect yourself. It's not to make God smile on your righteousness, it's not to have a better marriage, it's not because you feel you "ought to". It's because you need to protect yourself. Any other boundry made for any other reason needs to be tore down. Here is why, I have known about spouses who actully feel a strong sense of guilt about having sex with their husband/wife. This is very warped thinking and very very very sinful. the bible COMMANDS you to have sex in marrege. so if the same kind of guilt you feel outside of marrege continues inside of marrege than you are under spiritail attack and you are beleiving lies.
again I will say it and say it twice over. If you are setting boundries and your motivation is something "more" than protection and accountability. than you need to check your heart and tear them down and set new ones up with the right motivations. Marrege is not a game, sexuality is not a game. You need to do what is honestly right for the future you hope to have and you need to take a very honest look at what is truly best.
Thats the problem with this. I belive that 99.9999% of people are doing it for attention or so that they can feel as though they are "more pure" then others. I worry that protestant "evangelicals" have taken the no sex before marriage thing so far, that they cause damage and a warped sense of faith from the younger people.
The faith litterally becomes all about not having sex before marriage. And then also being "more pure" (as though kissing or holding hands was biblically condemned prior to marriage).
In all honesty, if the things you have taught your children have in the end caused them to wait for an entire month after marriage before having sex with their spouse, then you have psychologically damaged your children into an almost phobia of sex or intimacy.
Waiting for marriage to have sex is about loving God enough to obey his intentions for sex. It is not about having the absolute crap scared out of you about the act. And its definatly not about trying to be more pure then other people. Its about loving and willing obedience. Not an obedience of fear.
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"Many Christians suppose that it makes no difference which church group a Christian joins, and they act accordingly. When they come to a place where any kind of Protestant church is found, they join it as members. There are people who were successively Reformed, Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians, Congregationalists, depending upon the place where they lived. And we should not be surprised when this happens among the sects, for they are not certain about their distinctive doctrines, because they are not grounded in God's Word." - Franz Pieper |
9th July 2009, 10:13 AM
|  | Forgiveness comes and the rest just passes away
 
| | Join Date: 9th September 2006
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Reps: 81,417,109,983,351,280 (power: 81,417,109,983,366) | | Originally Posted by Jerimi I know this is probably a wrong way of thinking but, if your refrain from any physical contact while dating, doesn't that make you really good friends who hang out a lot alone?
I can't really say much because I have yet to be in a relationship where physical activity wasn't promoted from day one, but it just seems that the physical portion of the relationship (holding hands and kissing) is what pushes you to the level of actually being in a relationship. Without that, you are just good friends. Besides, a kiss can break awkward silence really well when you say something you shouldn't have AND it can get you out of trouble if you time it right. 
Yeeaaahhh, no.
If you can't bond with someone intimately/emotionally without physical/sexual contact, you got some problems!
One could argue it's best to refrain from physical intimacy on any level (for awhile) so you can KNOW that you like the person, and are with the person because of who they are, not because of how they make you feel physically.
Yuck.
As for those who claim that going from zero physical contact, to full on sex within an hour, uhh... one-night stands, anyone? 
Yeah, those people are messed up, so not a good example. But it does happen all the time.
__________________ I've grown tired of chasing Convinced I was in need And now the years I've spent, only a slave to this Tomorrow may fall And today is already gone I will no longer adore These things that will never satisfy me (As I Lay Dying) |
9th July 2009, 10:22 AM
| | Legend
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| | Join Date: 17th December 2004 Location: New Zealand
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Reps: 23,603,295,223,588,040 (power: 23,603,295,223,610) | | | Yes but one-night stands almost always occur with sexually experienced individuals. They know what they're doing, and they both don't usually know each other well, and so all bets are off. If they embarass themselves it doesn't matter, because they'll be gone in the morning. Most inexperienced people that engage in one-night stands have a terrible time.
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9th July 2009, 10:27 AM
|  | 10-91
| | Join Date: 7th June 2009
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Reps: 1,468,514,301,278,174 (power: 1,468,514,301,283) | | Originally Posted by Sunset2009
Yeeaaahhh, no.
If you can't bond with someone intimately/emotionally without physical/sexual contact, you got some problems!
One could argue it's best to refrain from physical intimacy on any level (for awhile) so you can KNOW that you like the person, and are with the person because of who they are, not because of how they make you feel physically.
Yuck.
As for those who claim that going from zero physical contact, to full on sex within an hour, uhh... one-night stands, anyone?
Yeah, those people are messed up, so not a good example. But it does happen all the time.
You're right.
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The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off
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9th July 2009, 10:29 AM
| | 10-91
| | Join Date: 7th June 2009
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Reps: 1,468,514,301,278,174 (power: 1,468,514,301,283) | | Originally Posted by Windmill Yes but one-night stands almost always occur with sexually experienced individuals. They know what they're doing, and they both don't usually know each other well, and so all bets are off. If they embarass themselves it doesn't matter, because they'll be gone in the morning. Most inexperienced people that engage in one-night stands have a terrible time.
You're speaking from experience yeah?
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The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off
the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light. |
9th July 2009, 10:34 AM
| | Legend
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| | Join Date: 17th December 2004 Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,687
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Reps: 23,603,295,223,588,040 (power: 23,603,295,223,610) | | XD No, but just from other people with experience
Good sex doesn't just occur. If you're having sex for the first time with a random stranger, your sex is likely to suck.
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9th July 2009, 10:47 AM
| | 10-91
| | Join Date: 7th June 2009
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Reps: 1,468,514,301,278,174 (power: 1,468,514,301,283) | | Originally Posted by Windmill XD No, but just from other people with experience
Good sex doesn't just occur. If you're having sex for the first time with a random stranger, your sex is likely to suck.
You're speaking from conceptual experience. And for the most part you are right when you look at things from a long term perspective. That is, would you rather have "good" sex with countless random strangers and run with the risks that engaging in such activities entails? Or would you rather have sex with someone that you have built and established a trusting meaningful relationship with(your spouse)? Part of the experience is two people bonding and getting to know one another. I did not always think this way and part of the reason for that is because I saw things from the perspective of the world, where casual sex is pushed on society as a norm. And another reason is because I had no desire to really commit myself to a long term relationship(and part of the reason for this is because of the women I was getting involved with). I'm praying about these things in my life though, and my perceptions are starting to change.
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The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off
the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light.
Last edited by namelessjuan; 9th July 2009 at 11:01 AM.
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9th July 2009, 10:48 AM
| | Veteran
| | Join Date: 1st August 2007
Posts: 1,496
Blessings: 53,335
Reps: 9,223,382,387,872,540 (power: 9,223,382,387,879) | | | Funny that intellect in our species has branched off to include such strange and inhuman thoughts and attitudes such as "No hugging or kissing".
Seriously, is this what humans have a brain for? Surely it could be better used on more pressing issues.... Like who killed Jacko and such. | | |
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