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  #21  
Old 9th July 2009, 06:59 AM
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Semi-blind post. I've known of people who waited til their wedding day to kiss and didn't actually have sex until like a month after they were married.
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  #22  
Old 9th July 2009, 07:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Melissa1208 View Post
Semi-blind post. I've known of people who waited til their wedding day to kiss and didn't actually have sex until like a month after they were married.

I think these situations are more common than people realize I am by no means bashing anyone who has this desire.... however you better be doing it for the right reasons. In actuality the only reason to place boundaries is to protect yourself. It's not to make God smile on your righteousness, it's not to have a better marriage, it's not because you feel you "ought to". It's because you need to protect yourself. Any other boundry made for any other reason needs to be tore down. Here is why, I have known about spouses who actully feel a strong sense of guilt about having sex with their husband/wife. This is very warped thinking and very very very sinful. the bible COMMANDS you to have sex in marrege. so if the same kind of guilt you feel outside of marrege continues inside of marrege than you are under spiritail attack and you are beleiving lies.

again I will say it and say it twice over. If you are setting boundries and your motivation is something "more" than protection and accountability. than you need to check your heart and tear them down and set new ones up with the right motivations. Marrege is not a game, sexuality is not a game. You need to do what is honestly right for the future you hope to have and you need to take a very honest look at what is truly best.
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The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand that does not grasp. John Berry

"For nothing is fixed, forever and forever and forever,
it is not fixed; the earth is always shifting,
the light is always changing, the sea does not cease to grind down rock.
Generations do not cease to be born, and we are responsible to them
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The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other,
and children cling to us. The moment we cease to hold each other,
the sea engulfs us and the light goes out."
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  #23  
Old 9th July 2009, 08:25 AM
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Originally Posted by GQ Chris View Post
I discovered the wisdom behind not kissing or holding hands when dating...
And I have failed to uncover this wisdom
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  #24  
Old 9th July 2009, 08:28 AM
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swine flu?
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  #25  
Old 9th July 2009, 08:30 AM
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Originally Posted by Melissa1208 View Post
Semi-blind post. I've known of people who waited til their wedding day to kiss and didn't actually have sex until like a month after they were married.
I wouldn't be surprised.

I don't think thats bad at all though... I mean if you don't wanna have sex well, don't have also. Also, I don't think it is a bad thing at all to not have physical contact like that while you're dating. Not because of the purity thing, but people have different levels of comfort. Some people might be uncomfortable with kissing while they're dating, for whatever reasons they have. It might be a purity related reason, but whatever the reason is, people have different levels of comfort.

But they could not surely be expected to have sex on their wedding night. That would be horribly nerve-wracking! I'm in many ways surprised (though this could be my asexyness kicking in here) many chaste Christian couples have sex on their wedding night. It would be very nerve-wracking and difficult to bring oneself from even kissing to clothes off, full-on sexual activity!

Now imagine not even having kissing under-wraps. Imagine that. So you know pretty much nothing and are skilled in no art of physical affection. How could a couple go from zero to sex?! I'm sure they could be it would surely be an uncomfortable process.

So yeah. A month seems reasonable
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  #26  
Old 9th July 2009, 08:34 AM
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If Josh and Anna Duggar can hold hands before marriage,
can't you too?
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  #27  
Old 9th July 2009, 08:40 AM
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I know this is probably a wrong way of thinking but, if your refrain from any physical contact while dating, doesn't that make you really good friends who hang out a lot alone?

I can't really say much because I have yet to be in a relationship where physical activity wasn't promoted from day one, but it just seems that the physical portion of the relationship (holding hands and kissing) is what pushes you to the level of actually being in a relationship. Without that, you are just good friends. Besides, a kiss can break awkward silence really well when you say something you shouldn't have AND it can get you out of trouble if you time it right.
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  #28  
Old 9th July 2009, 08:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Becksy View Post
swine flu?
LOL
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  #29  
Old 9th July 2009, 08:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Jerimi View Post
I know this is probably a wrong way of thinking but, if your refrain from any physical contact while dating, doesn't that make you really good friends who hang out a lot alone?

I can't really say much because I have yet to be in a relationship where physical activity wasn't promoted from day one, but it just seems that the physical portion of the relationship (holding hands and kissing) is what pushes you to the level of actually being in a relationship. Without that, you are just good friends. Besides, a kiss can break awkward silence really well when you say something you shouldn't have AND it can get you out of trouble if you time it right.
I can understand how you'd think this, however I can certainly say this isn't true.

I myself best identify with the orientation of asexuality. Yet I have been in a relationship for 2 years despite never feeling a sexual desire.

Despite this, I was and still am very able to distinguish my feelings for my boyfriend over my friends for best friends. Especially as I was best friends with him like 3 years or so before we got together. Even if there is no physical contact, the feelings one has for the other are completely different. Love is not defined through physical contact. It often results in a desire for physical contact, but it is not love itself.
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  #30  
Old 9th July 2009, 08:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Windmill View Post
I can understand how you'd think this, however I can certainly say this isn't true.

I myself best identify with the orientation of asexuality. Yet I have been in a relationship for 2 years despite never feeling a sexual desire.

Despite this, I was and still am very able to distinguish my feelings for my boyfriend over my friends for best friends. Especially as I was best friends with him like 3 years or so before we got together. Even if there is no physical contact, the feelings one has for the other are completely different. Love is not defined through physical contact. It often results in a desire for physical contact, but it is not love itself.
I suppose that is true. I have never had a non-physical relationship so I wouldn't know.
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