Can ya give me some insight?

My daughter, 16, has bipolar (among other diagnoses). Anyway, from a parents point of view, its really tough parenting.

If you were the parent, knowing what you know and have been through, what would you have wanted your parent to do? How can the parent help the child of bipolar?

We are currently discussing placement in a treatment facility while she gets regulated on her meds and gets some much needed therapy. She is very opposed to this and is currently in a "honeymoon" period where she's trying her best to be good so we don't send her away. We're not sending her away cause we dont' want her here, but feel it may be what is best for her.

As a parent, I often feel very unequipped to give her what she needs and what will be the best help for her.

So give me some insight if ya can and tell me how you wish you parents handled things or what they did that was good and what didn't work.

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Hi.

I guess...don't ignore things if they're getting bad. Take words and behaviours seriously and if things get out of hand, pass on information to her doctor/psychiatrist.

Get her a good psychiatrist and maybe a psychologist who she feels she can trust and build a rapport. Because if things get pear shaped between yourselves and her sometimes due to her illness or normal teenagey stuff, she will still have an adult in her life who she can share and be open with about what's going on for her.

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Give her leadership spiritually, teaching her to cast any of that junk from her body.

I'm sorry ^^ but bipolar is an illness, not a spiritual shortcoming. God may help regulate but it's not something that you can just cast off.

Sending your daughter to an inpatient facility may not be necessary (I can't say for sure since you know your daughter best); have you tried getting her a psychiatrist and therapist and still have her live at home?? because that's what my parents did for me, and it worked out pretty well. I've been hospitalized 5 times, but most of the time I am okay, relatively stable although pretty low moodwise. Do you make sure that she takes her meds (if she is on any at this point in time)? That's another thing that my parents did - they got me my meds and watched me take them - may not work for your daughter due to rebellion etc., but it worked for me since I was never the only one at the dinner table taking prescription meds.

One thing I wish that my parents had done (and would do) differently, is be less prying about how I'm doing. They aren't so bad now that I've gotten married and moved out, because they trust that my husband will take care of me (and he does), but when I was living with them, they would always try to figure out how I was doing, if I were suicidal, if I wanted to cut, etc., etc. That got old pretty fast. There is a line between caring enough and being pushy.

Hopefully some of that was of some use. If you need to talk, I'm here.

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Thanks! I will add that she does have a psychiatrist and weekly therapy, and is on medication. The only reason we're considering placement is for her safety and well-being. I just want to make the right decisions for her, but its so hard to figure out what is best.

I wish I could find some programs that offered classes that would help her but it doesn't seem there are any. Without finding some kind of programs, I'm not sure what else I can do to give her the help she so desperately needs.

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Morning, Let me quickly tell you about me and then give you some input. I developed BP type 2 (hypomanias) in my thirties. My father had bp and my son has bp. I am also a medical professional.

Absolutely be there for her and fighting to get her the care she needs. Obviously you are already doing that. Know that in the teens years things are generally at there worst, the combo of sexual hormones and maturation with the chemical imbalances in the brain-well lets just say there were some horrible angry outburst and very difficult decisions made during those years at my house. please read thru the summation of some of the worst times and get to the better news at the end! I will tell you also that my son in his late teens years moved in and out of the house a few times. Eventually went to college (we ended up refusing to co-sign his school loans because he was not taking his meds and we knew he would flunk out and we would lose the house trying to repay the loans) and indeed he did flunk out the first time. he spent two years trying to work and make ends meet. Ended up slapping a co-worker charged with assault. Got past that and went back to school and finally made peace with himself (tough very far from His faith at this time in his life) returned to school adn has tahnked us for putting up with everything.

So the guidelines for my advice is this. Safety is number one. If there is a true concern for her safety then you made truly need to look at placement. We looked at two different palcements for my son and we gave into the "honeymoon" that comes after the mania blows over and did not place him. But it worked as it was never truly a safety issue but just a behavior isse. HOrrible rages, but he never physically attacked us and he onlly attempted suicide once, by jumping in front of a car which got him an immediate hospitalization.


I am heading out the door late to church. So Iwill be back later with more story and advice. Feel free to email or pm me.

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The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise. - F. Scott Fitzgerald


A society is judged by how it treats it's weakest members.

Thank you for the story and advice. I look forward to hearing more.

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well, life got away from me yesterday and I have to dash out early for wrok this am, but i will be back inthe next day or tow to share more. Prayers

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The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise. - F. Scott Fitzgerald


A society is judged by how it treats it's weakest members.

Hello again,
So my let's see if i can make any sense today after a long day at work.
Some of my famous thoughts from those challenging years are you do not have to get on the roller coaster with them. You can be the solid ground. Be love, God's love with skin on. No matter what the behavior and everything that is going on. the boundaries you have to draw as a parent let them know you love them and are there for them. I used to tell my kids they could tell me anything. That I was human, I might react or make a mistake in my reaction, but that we loved each other and we could forgive each other and we could get through it. That is how God loves us , unconditional, love doesn't change, but consequences may still be there. My son got that message because he has said to me as an adult now, that he doesn't understand how we got through it and how we put up with him during those years, but that he knew we would get through it, because we love each other. I did go to my children and ask for forgiveness when I screwed up, I never pretended I did not need a Savior or that I was a perfect parent. I took a trip away to Japan away from my son because of a manic rage, tis one of my biggest regrets. That can be hard to understand as a parent who has not experienced manias (and I had and still did not get it) we as humans see behavior as purely choice. And with manias no matter how hard to try to maintain your behavior, it can really overtake you. I do not know how to make the make better sense tonight, but feel free to ask questions.

pick your battles carefully, be sure it is a hill big enough to dig in over. Truly let some of the smaller stuff go. For my son with his rages, much was waiting for the right timing with his moods to discuss things.

As a parent, I was a snoop, checked face book, my space, texts, phone records, checked the room and read emails discretely over his shoulder. When he cauhgt me he was very upset, but I did honor his privacy many times and checked up when I felt i had to for his safety. I found marijuana pipes, knew who introduced him to weed, and the first girl he slept with because of it, but at least I knew what i was working with even though he did not know what I had foudn out usually. I watched him take his meds and checked his moth and pockets, and he still slipped some of his non-swallowing of meds by me. . .!!! Kids either take meds or fight them, Most teen will go thru a period of fighting them.

Do go out of your way to find things to tell them you are proud of and give positive reinforcement whenever and wherever you can. Give positive suggestions. A key things with girls is to ask...."Do you just want me to listen or would you like some suggestions?" Girls do a lot of venting and don't often want help fixing the issue. DO trust them to go places and do things with other when possible. Don't make everything you do about their illness. We are so much more than our illness and often our illness brings many positive things with it.

Faith issues can become a challenge as there are a variety of beliefs about mental illness in Christian circles. Prepare her over time to face those things that are not consistent with your beliefs so she is not hurt by well meaning folks out there.


Really a lot fo it boils down to just being a good caring parent. You are doing alot by getting her medical treatment and therapy. Helping her find swhere her faith fits in with a mental illness will also be a key. This is a good place to read some post and see someof the thing s we battle with in our thoughts and in our faith.

Soem resources. . .

There are some great books aot there.

There is a magazine called bp Bipolar Disorder Magazine | Bipolar Symptoms | bphope old issues are online

Ther are support groups, sometyimes specifically for teens, but also for parents.

DBPSA and NAMI are both recousrces. NAMI has a parent2parent group specifically for family members to help then with toold and in understadning this illness.

hmm, i am brain dead at this point and really not dong this issue justice. please feel free to ask quesitons at this point. I will be happy to answer as I have time. prayers

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The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise. - F. Scott Fitzgerald


A society is judged by how it treats it's weakest members.

Thank you for that great advice. I will re-read it several times I'm sure

Did you ever have to put your child in placement? Did you find it effective or do you have advice how to make it more effective? Do you have any alternative suggestions other than placement that could help her? I am trying to research church programs, a job, and we found a class of "appropriate relationships" and tryign to find one for anger management. We are truly trying to find the best way to help her but honestly feel lost.

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