H-e-l-p.............

Oh wow...what to do ???

My sister and brother in law chose to be cremated. My brother in law wanted his ashes spread. My sister told him she could comply with his wish and would not happen if he died before her. He died before her, she died 7 weeks to the day after him. Upon brother in laws' death my sister decided it would be okay to keep a vile of ashes to spread were he had chosen. However she did not give permission to do so for her!

Now...at the time of my sisters' passing my neice decided to take a vile of her ashes to spead with her dad.

I am deeply saddened that she didn't discuss this with family before doing so. Yes it is her mother. But I know my sister would want no part of this !!!

She is going totally against what my sister wanted...yes cremated, BUT ALL her ashes buried...Yes she went against her husbands' wishes, simply because she felt that the grandchildren should be able to pay respects at their grave site if they so choose. My niece was sad that her mother would go against her dad's wishes, yet now she is going against her mothers'.


I am sick about this as I personally do not believe this would be God's will...Do I say something to her ???

Hope you are able to understand what i'm trying to say.

I honestly don't know what you could say to her if anything but you are in my prayers.

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for everyone there.

If it gives your niece even small comfort, I don't think your sister would object to her taking some of her ashes.

Just my opinion.

Again, for everyone there.

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Oh my goodness.

First I must say I am so sorry for your loss. This is hard enough now without family conflict.

As for your niece, if she has already spread your sisters ashes then there is nothing you can do. It's best that you let time pass and perhaps later after some healing time, explain to your niece why your sister didn't want the ashes spread. It may be good for her to understand the faith side of her mother's choices. But right now it would probably add more angst to the situation.

If she hasn't yet spread the ashes then I think from an honor perspective it would be wise for you to brooch the faith aspects that caused your sister to not want her ashes spread and give your niece the opportunity to do the right thing.

I'll be praying for you all.

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Words which do not give the light of Christ increase the darkness. - Blessed Mother Teresa

Hey G-Com,

I can't speak for FaithfulChild's sister but I'm guessing that the reason that she didn't want her ashes spread is due to her assent to the Church.

The Church allows for cremation but it does not allow for the spreading of ashes. So I think that is why her sister didn't want to spread her husbands ashes or her own.

It becomes a bigger issue because there is a faith element to it which I think needs to be dealt with at some level......timing is everything though.

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Words which do not give the light of Christ increase the darkness. - Blessed Mother Teresa

Thank You Ave Maria, G-Com and Maggie for your replies. I sincerely appreciate your response in a very trying time.

I am deeply troubled by this knowing that our catholic faith tells us that that cremains are to be buried. I now firmly believe that it is my responsibilty to comply with the laws of the church and my sisters' belief.

Thanks again. God Bless...

I am extremely tried and stressed to the max, wouldn't take a whole lot more for me to say..."Good Bye Cruel World.................."

I really don't know how to respond to this. But you are in my prayers and I hope the Lord will send you a loving Angel to help you with your loss.

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"Live long and prosper..."--some dude from Star Trek...
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I think that the Church approves of cremation only if the ashes are buried in one site. (This has to do with the Resurrection of the Body.)

And so it would have been in keeping with God's laws to abide by your sister's wishes.

But we all know that even if people lost limbs years before they died, or if they died in explosions or plane crashes which might have obliterated their bodies that their bodies will still be resurrected whole and perfect (and, the sisters always told us, at age 35...)

I think that if your niece is the executrix of your sister's and brother-in-law's estates (or her closest heir and relative) that you must acquiesce that the the decision was hers and forgive her for family unity but mostly for yourself.

Remember that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself--for your inner peace and freedom from burdens.

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Theodore Roosevelt said, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Be at Peace. Christ knows your struggles and He will uphold you. Pm me anytime if you need to talk. I'll continue in prayer for you.

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Words which do not give the light of Christ increase the darkness. - Blessed Mother Teresa