emotional damage

KUME06 · #1 2nd July 2009, 06:16 PM

Are we responsible for the emotional and/or psychological damage we cause others? If you really hurt someone, even accidentally, is it obligatory to do everything possible, within reason, to help them heal?

I was just thinking, its commonly expected that you would pay for the damage if you backed into someones car. Why are emotional hurts any different? Why do everything you can to help the person whos property you damaged, but do nothing to help the person whom you have have emotionally harmed? Seems like people tend to make excuses. Reason that the person they hurt simply chooses to feel that way, and therefore it is their problem. They could have just not let themselves get hurt, my words/actions were not really the cause of their hurt feelings.

Granted, if you hurt someone, and you try to help, but they blow you off. There is nothing much you can do in that situation. They have to let you help, obviously.

heron · #2 2nd July 2009, 06:33 PM

Good topic. Restitution is very scriptural.

Although I think when people try to repair emotional damage, they do even more damage. There must be a tactful and productive way of doing it.

(e.g., bad ones: "I am sorry for hating you so much." .... I am sorry for calling you a lying cheating idiot".... "I came because I need your forgiveness" ... "Your life was really a mess after I dumped you, so I'm wondering if you ever got over it.")

wayfaring man · #3 2nd July 2009, 06:52 PM

Yes , we're all responsible for the influence / effects we have on others , and on our environment ... and we're all guilty of some negative contributing .

There's even lawsuits which take emotional suffering into consideration .

The best thing one can do is cease and desist from continuing in the hurtful language , attitude , or behavior ... it's relatively easy to heal + forgive / be forgiven , when the evil has clearly been forsaken , and there is some consistently good thing present in it's stead .

The best way to say we're sorry is to change for the better !

For godly sorrow works repentance to salvation not to be repented of:... <---> 2nd Corinthians 7:10

That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;
And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;
And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. <-----> Ephesians 4:22-24

May The Lord Be Pleased !

wm

SilverFire · #4 2nd July 2009, 07:10 PM

We need to take concrete steps here. One small one that we all can do is this: instead of saying, "I'm sorry that you were offended," say "I'm sorry that I offended you."

Elijah2 · #5 2nd July 2009, 08:10 PM

Originally Posted by KUME06

Are we responsible for the emotional and/or psychological damage we cause others? If you really hurt someone, even accidentally, is it obligatory to do everything possible, within reason, to help them heal?

I was just thinking, its commonly expected that you would pay for the damage if you backed into someones car. Why are emotional hurts any different? Why do everything you can to help the person whos property you damaged, but do nothing to help the person whom you have have emotionally harmed? Seems like people tend to make excuses. Reason that the person they hurt simply chooses to feel that way, and therefore it is their problem. They could have just not let themselves get hurt, my words/actions were not really the cause of their hurt feelings.

Granted, if you hurt someone, and you try to help, but they blow you off. There is nothing much you can do in that situation. They have to let you help, obviously.

Are we responsible for the emotional and/or psychological damage we cause others?
YES, and that is why our Lord Jesus Christ said that we are to love one another as we love ourself, and we are to forgiven one another.

Therefore, anyone who causes any physical, emotional, spiritual damage to another person will be held accountable in HIS eyes.

When this occurs, then we are to ask for forgiveness from those people whom we have hurt and offended.

If you really hurt someone, even accidentally, is it obligatory to do everything possible, within reason, to help them heal?
YES, even accidentally. The sad thing, is that many do such unknowingly, and the never know why another person avoids them.

I was just thinking, its commonly expected that you would pay for the damage if you backed into someones car. Why are emotional hurts any different? Why do everything you can to help the person whos property you damaged, but do nothing to help the person whom you have have emotionally harmed?
By HIS WORD everyone is responsible and accountable for their actions.

Seems like people tend to make excuses.
The “blame game” does flow through the foyers of the Body of Christ.

Reason that the person they hurt simply chooses to feel that way, and therefore it is their problem.
As sad as it is, there is much anger, bitterness, resentfulness and unforgiveness caused by simple mistakes, and the proud are usually the people who never see the wrong or forgive.

They could have just not let themselves get hurt, my words/actions were not really the cause of their hurt feelings.
The three golden words of relationship are: If you please, I am wrong, You are right, I am sorry, Please forgive me, I forgive you, and I love you.

Granted, if you hurt someone, and you try to help, but they blow you off. There is nothing much you can do in that situation. They have to let you help, obviously.
HIS WORD, in HIS WILL is the requirement of any reconciliation, if you did all that is required, then you leave them to our Lord Jesus Christ.

DreamsAreFree · #6 2nd July 2009, 09:45 PM

I think there is a balance here. In the first instance, of course we should help people heal. That might be an apology, giving them the space to talk to us about it without our justifying or making excuses, some form of restitution. In the second, some people are very sensitive and will be hurt for reasons which are more about their reaction than our decision. For example, an unsafe relative might be hurt that we won't leave our children in their care and while we can acknowledge their feelings, it doesn't mean that we are responsible for that hurt. Or a friend wants to come to visit when we are unable to accommodate them for valid reasons and they are hurt - that's theirs to own.

An apology or acknowledgement of injustice is often enough to effect healing. But sometimes people are hurt and their hurt is unjustified. Best to consider things on a case by case basis.

KUME06 · #7 3rd July 2009, 04:57 AM

That is a good point about this being a case by case basis. Ha, not sure how I missed acknowledging it in the first place. There are times when a person gets hurt without cause. Is there any reasonable way to seperate hurts caused by others and hurts that were uncaused? That seems like another area where people will argue over. Who hasnt experienced some argument where it was essentially one side saying they were hurt really bad, and the other saying that it really shouldnt have hurt that bad.

When we do hurt others, legitimately...isnt it natural to assume that person should feel as little hurt as we can reasonably imagine? Like if there was a 1-10 hurt feelings scale...we would think that we only caused them say a 2-3, then get really angry when we find out the person we hurt is feeling more like a 7-8.

heron · #8 3rd July 2009, 11:49 AM

And then there are people so focused on themselves, that they insist the world make all situations comfortable for them.

A victim saying they are hurt is not necessarily our guideline for reparations -- we should guard what we say, and try to be sensitive before the damage is done. Then it will not be so much work to discern later.

Elijah2 · #9 4th July 2009, 05:46 AM

Originally Posted by KUME06

That is a good point about this being a case by case basis. Ha, not sure how I missed acknowledging it in the first place. There are times when a person gets hurt without cause. Is there any reasonable way to seperate hurts caused by others and hurts that were uncaused? That seems like another area where people will argue over. Who hasnt experienced some argument where it was essentially one side saying they were hurt really bad, and the other saying that it really shouldnt have hurt that bad.

When we do hurt others, legitimately...isnt it natural to assume that person should feel as little hurt as we can reasonably imagine? Like if there was a 1-10 hurt feelings scale...we would think that we only caused them say a 2-3, then get really angry when we find out the person we hurt is feeling more like a 7-8.

Mate, we can hurt unknowingly, at all different level, and what ever hurt that has been caused, then to overcome and conquer hurt, forgiveness and love is the answer.

So get to the main point---who did you hurt, or who hurt you?

Blessings.