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  #1  
Unread 17th June 2009, 10:42 AM
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Christian ladies, do God WANT you to get married?

I wrote this study because it’s something that I continue to observe as the years go by. In both the world, and the church, amongst the female population, there is a vast majority which is strongly seeking to fulfil two major desires. The first is to find a man (preferably the man of their dreams!) to marry, and secondly, is to start a family.
Also, popular culture amongst both the world and the church teaches the concept of finding your ‘soul mate’. Is this idea scriptural? Does God have a specific man picked out to marry each Christian girl and so fulfil the desires of their heart? Well, if we read 1 Corinthians chapter 7, the answer is... NO! The clearest New Testament instruction on how a Christians attitude towards marriage should be and about who to marry, is contained 1 Corinthians chapter 7, so please take a minute to stop and read the chapter, then ponder these two important questions...
1. Does the text in any way indicate that God has a soul mate (or a specific person chosen by God) for every Christian woman seeking marriage?
Clearly the answer is no!
2. Does the text in any way show that God WILLS for Christian women (or men for that matter) to even get married?
Again, the answer again is NO!
There is one exception to the above two questions, which I will discuss at the end of the study.
So let’s now go through and look at the individual verses that explain why the answer is NO to both the above questions.

QUESTION 1
Does the text in any way indicate that God has a soul mate (or a specific person chosen by God) for every Christian woman seeking marriage?
Verse 2 clearly says God permits Christians to get married BECAUSE OF SEXUAL IMMORALITY (i.e. to avoid it), not because God wills for those people to get married as part of a specific plan for their life! “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”
Getting married to stay away from sexual sin is a completely different reason than getting married because God had planned for you to get married to a specific person.
This is confirmed in verses 8 & 9
“8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
So the clear statement of that text is that those who can’t exercise self control (i.e. those who are weak in the flesh when it comes to being tempted to fornicate), are permitted to get married. Let’s call it what it is – it’s a concession from God – it’s not a predestined union of two people who God had always designed to be together.
Now let’s look at the instruction to the unmarried in verse 27: “Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife.”
The purest wisdom from the heaven is not to seek a wife! Or, since I’m writing to ladies now, do not seek a husband! How can God have specially chosen a person for you to marry, and then advise you not to seek a husband? Well the only way He can say that is if He doesn’t have someone picked out for you to marry! The idea of a soul mate is not taught in scripture. That is the cold hard basis of what the verse is saying.
Now, to clarify the freedom that God has given to the church, the aforementioned instruction is not a COMMANDMENT (v 25), but it is Godly wisdom given for the edification of single members within the church (v 25). In other words, God has revealed that we shouldn’t be seeking to get married, however for those Christians who are weak when it comes to sexual temptation, God will permit them to get married, though He does not will them to.
Now I know there is a group of Christians out there who claim that 1 Corinthians is not God talking, it’s just Paul giving his own opinion. But to those people, I would say to remember 2 Timothy 3:16, states that “all” scripture is God breathed! Many verses in the bible are the Wisdom of God, though not all are commandments from God, yet they are still scripture. 1 Corinthians 7 is one such case where God says through Paul that these instructions are “Wisdom” and not “commandments” (v 25).

QUESTION 2
Does the text in any way show that God WILLS for Christian women (or men for that matter) to even get married?
As I stated above, the text shows NO! Now before I discuss the one exception to the above statement, I want to look at the reason Paul gives as to WHY God doesn’t will for most Christians to get married.
32 “But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. 34 There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.”
This is the answer why! It all revolves around the doctrine Jesus taught that God must be our FIRST LOVE! God knows what’s in the heart of man, and so God has stated through Paul, that when Christians get married, it naturally pulls their affections away from God onto their spouse! That’s why the text shows it’s NOT God’s will for people to get married! The majority of New Testament believers were not created for marriage nor designed to be in marriage, rather we are created for relationship with God, and we are to draw our contentment from God and from our relationship with other Christians as our means to show and receive love.

THE EXCEPTION
Now the exception is this - In rare cases, God does have a specific person picked out for you to marry, as per 1 Corinthians 7:7 “For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.”
When that happens, God classes your spouse as a gift (that is, a gift from God). God obviously has some specific reason mapped out in His will for this to occur. It’s in these situations that you can realistically apply scriptures like Proverbs 18:22, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” However, Christians are not all supposed to hone in on that one verse and all think they are the one God has picked out a gift for. Christians are supposed to see the chapter for what its saying, not for they hope for. I believe the ones who God has a gift for are ones who won’t put their husband or wife before God (as per v32-35).

CONCLUSION
The majority of New Testament believers were not created for marriage nor designed to be in marriage, rather we are created for relationship with God, and we are to draw our contentment from God and from our relationship with other Christians as our means to show and receive love. Personally, I don’t see how anyone can justify applying the verse “it’s not good for man to be alone”, to Church or to the church age, especially in light of 1 Corinthians chapter 7. And even if Genesis 2:18 did apply to the Church age, it almost CERTAINLY doesn’t apply to the generation that will live to see the coming of Christ (Of which I believe and many prophets have said that we are it). Let’s pursue God, free from the distraction of a spouse, unless God intervenes and shows us otherwise.


**IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT 1 CORINTHIANS 7 REGARDING SEXUAL IMMORALITY**
1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
First of all, lets establish what this is NOT saying. It’s not saying that those who are fornicating or who have fornicated now have a green light for marriage. Marriage is NOT the biblical solution to Christians who are in bondage to lust! If you’re fornicating, or if you’re in bondage to lust, it’s NOT saying marriage is the cure or solution to get freedom in this area. Sanctification and deliverance from these things comes from God alone, through repentance of sin and through God cleaning you up. Getting married doesn’t deliver you from the cords of iniquity that may be there. God Himself has to free you. The strength of what verse 2 is talking about as to who can get married is actually talking about virgins, because the idea is for them to marry instead of losing their virginity through fornication (v 34-38).
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  #2  
Unread 17th June 2009, 12:51 PM
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Originally Posted by valuecard View Post
CONCLUSION
The majority of New Testament believers were not created for marriage nor designed to be in marriage, rather we are created for relationship with God, and we are to draw our contentment from God and from our relationship with other Christians as our means to show and receive love. Personally, I don’t see how anyone can justify applying the verse “it’s not good for man to be alone”, to Church or to the church age, especially in light of 1 Corinthians chapter 7. And even if Genesis 2:18 did apply to the Church age, it almost CERTAINLY doesn’t apply to the generation that will live to see the coming of Christ (Of which I believe and many prophets have said that we are it). Let’s pursue God, free from the distraction of a spouse, unless God intervenes and shows us otherwise.
Absolute heresy

1 Tim 3:1-13

1Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer,[a] he desires a noble task. 2Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. 5(If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?) 6He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. 7He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's trap.

8Deacons, likewise, are to be men worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine, and not pursuing dishonest gain. 9They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience. 10They must first be tested; and then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons.
11In the same way, their wives[b] are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything. 12A deacon must be the husband of but one wife and must manage his children and his household well. 13Those who have served well gain an excellent standing and great assurance in their faith in Christ Jesus.

If you read Timothy, Paul writes it with the assumption that MOST will choose marriage.

Your pride over your gift of singleness is sadly unchristlike. You have no right to go around and tell everyone else what their gifts are.

Especially when you can't seem to properly divide scripture, putting an over abundance of stock in Paul recommending singleness. (Which is better then marriage) and not realizing the necessity of marriage for the majority of Christians.

And not that I belive necessarily that God ordains one single person for you to be with for the rest of your life. But if God creates a person who lacks the self control to be celibate their whole life, then doesn't it make sense that he might also create a person for them to commit that life to?

Your teachings are not in line with any church's doctrine that I'm aware of. And I doubt you can read greek or hebrew. So you are being very foolish, And I beseech you to find a church with an educated clergy who can read both greek and hebrew so that you can learn from them how they understand the scriptures.

Personally I strongly recommend a confessional Lutheran church because I personally have found those doctrines to be the most scriputurally complete, I recognize that not everyone will see things that way and may make a different choice.

God bless
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Unread 22nd June 2009, 08:16 AM
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Hi. sorry for the delay in reply. Just because a mainstream church doesnt teach what im saying, doesnt make it heresy. Heresy is something which contradicts the bible, whereas everything i said, i posted scripture where paul said the exact same thing, thus making it clear that my assertions in line with the Word of God. This message is not taught often in mainstream churches cause its not what the people want to hear. I would also add this scripture

1 Cor 7
29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none

Why would God want to you go and get married, and then say, "now that your married, you should be living like as though you werent married"??
Come on, it speaks for itself, God's priority is for Christians to seek their creator, not to seek the creation (ie a partner).

And those who God does truly give a wife/husband too are the very ones who will continue to seek God first and are ones God knows wont forsake their affections for Him in exchange for loving their spouse (sadly the majority of married christians do not fall into this category according to paul)

PS. the issue of me not being able to read greek/hebrew here is irrelevant here, for 2 reasons. one, 1 corinthians was not written in hebrew so there was no need to bring that up. second, i beleive the greek has been accurately translated (God inspired) into english. Its just not the case where the greek in 1 cor 7 means something 'totally different' to the plain english

GBU

Phil =)
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Unread 22nd June 2009, 11:35 AM
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so should we all end our relationships?

You are essentially teaching that marriage is sinful, and only for weaker christians.
the really holy ones stay single.
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Unread 22nd June 2009, 01:57 PM
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Originally Posted by valuecard View Post
Hi. sorry for the delay in reply. Just because a mainstream church doesnt teach what im saying, doesnt make it heresy. Heresy is something which contradicts the bible, whereas everything i said, i posted scripture where paul said the exact same thing, thus making it clear that my assertions in line with the Word of God. This message is not taught often in mainstream churches cause its not what the people want to hear. I would also add this scripture
Heresy is any false doctrine, pure and simple. Its any time when we take into account one scripture and do not correctly allow other verses of scripture to explain it. Any and all doctrine which is not true no matter how minor and no matter how innocent the mistake is by definition heresy.

Please note, I use it for what it is. I don't use it as an insulting term at all. At bible study while trying to work through some passage of scripture, I've often looked up at the pastor and asked "Is that heresy?" after I'm finished.

Why would God want to you go and get married, and then say, "now that your married, you should be living like as though you werent married"??
Come on, it speaks for itself, God's priority is for Christians to seek their creator, not to seek the creation (ie a partner).
I agree its a priority to seek the creator, both my fiancee and I do not want to compete with God in eachother and have not done so. But seeking God first does not mean you can not seek other things. Its similar to arguing for the poverty heresy. (Which is the opposite of the better known prosperity heresy. Albeit less destructive)

See God never demands that you only use your money to eat and stay alive and give EVERYTHING else away. He demands that you put him before your money. In the same way he demands that we put him before our spouses. But that does not mean we shouldn't seek a spouse if we don't have the gift of singleness. If you know you are going to burn in lust, seek a spouse.

And those who God does truly give a wife/husband too are the very ones who will continue to seek God first and are ones God knows wont forsake their affections for Him in exchange for loving their spouse (sadly the majority of married christians do not fall into this category according to paul)
Well only God knows a person's heart, not me. Would I say that a lot of people put their spouses ahead of God. Yeah I would agree with you on that. But alot of people put a lot of stuff ahead of God. That doesn't mean that the rest of us who don't should automatically give up those things.

The solution to getting people to put God first is not by telling them not to get married. The solution is getting them to trust in God more then they trust in their spouse. I think few people, even Christians have ever gave thought to how God has not ever let them down. Something which every spouse is bound to do. I trust God more then I do my fiancee. Not because I don't have a lot of trust in her, because I do. But because I know she's a human, and will let me down at times. And I know God will not do that.

PS. the issue of me not being able to read greek/hebrew here is irrelevant here, for 2 reasons. one, 1 corinthians was not written in hebrew so there was no need to bring that up. second, i beleive the greek has been accurately translated (God inspired) into english. Its just not the case where the greek in 1 cor 7 means something 'totally different' to the plain english
I know it wasn't written in Hebrew but I think in order to go off forming your own doctrines, you aught to be able to read both Greek and Hebrew.

Secondly you belive the English translation was God inspired? Which translation? And is there a God inspired translation in say. . . German, French, Italian, Japanese, etc etc??? Or is it simpiler to belive that the Greek and only the Greek is God inspired. Especially given that translation is often both and art and a science?

As a person who's taken french I like to give this example.

There is no word for girlfriend or boyfriend in French. So if one where to say to another person "Say hello to my girlfriend". In french that would be "Dites allo a ma petite amie."

But that phrase can also be more literally translated to mean.

"Say hello to my little friend."

So if I just put that phrase up and say translate, you've got to try and work with the context as much as you can. But ultimatly you can't be sure if I'm introducing you to my girlfriend or if I'm showing you my machine gun.

The translations we have are pretty good. But if I'm going to try and understand the scriptures, I want the writings of men who spent their lives studying it and I want to learn directly from men who are well educated in it and can read it in the origional languages.

You are essentially teaching that marriage is sinful, and only for weaker christians.
the really holy ones stay single.
Weaker to sexual desires as well as companionship desires I would say yes.

I wouldn't use the term holy, because we are all holy, set apart for God by God.

BUT make no mistake, it is very clear in the bible, and by logic that it is of greater service to God if you can stay celibate and single. I do somewhat agree with Valuecards setiments in I think that passage has been ignored by most protestant denominations.

In my experience in most protestant churchs, getting married is almost an expectation, and typically there is social pressure to get married sooner rather then later. It creates this environment for people of "This is what you are suppose to do." so most are decided on getting married without ever analysing if marriage is their gift or not. All based on social pressures from parents and members of the church.

I think churchs on the whole need to unpack this verse, look at it more, explain it and work through it. Teach people who havn't married that its not only "Ok to be single." but that it is actually better if you choose to take that extra time and dedicate it to God's kingdom. That teaching is offical in most denominations but not taught. I suspect partially because most of the church leadership is married, and it takes humility to teach such things as a married person.
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Last edited by Luther073082; 22nd June 2009 at 02:27 PM.
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Unread 30th June 2009, 02:07 AM
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Well to answer your question does God want me to be married, for me he does. I do not have the gift of celibacy, so yes I believe he wants me to be married.
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I am so glad that I have a personal relationship with the Lord and know that I am lead to marry a godly young man. To be honest, I don't even feel that your so-called study is really worth a response, and I don't mean that to be rude or disrespectful. I just wanted to answer the thread title: yes, God does want me to get married. The end
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  #8  
Unread 5th July 2009, 06:27 PM
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I do not think you quite do this passage justice.

1 Corinthians 7:1
"Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman."

The first thing to realize is Paul is responding to something written to him by the Corinthians on marriage (or something of that nature). I do not know what letter this was (though I am sure somebody does), but we can gather a little bit of context based upon the time and the way Paul responds to determine what that later might be about.

1 Corinthians 7:7-9
"Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I.
But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."


Verse 7 makes it clear that we are each given our own "gifts". Paul further talks about this in chapter 12 of this book, and I would highly suggest you read that to get a better idea about the gifts God gives us. The cliff notes version is we are all made different with different gifts and we should not desire to be different, but rather use what we are given to honor God. As illustrated in chapter 12, a body has many different parts, and the body does not function (or at least not well) without any of those parts. It may be that the hands seem more useful, but what good are they without the feet to take the body where it needs to go. It may seem that the feet are more useful, but what good are they without eyes, ears, a nose (my nose leads me to the kitchen all the time , etc. to assist in directing the feet where to go. Rather than longing for what we do not have, we should work with what we have.


This he extends here in relation to marriage. He tells us it is good to remain single as he has. Later in this chapter he explains how we have less distractions from God this way. But he points out it is better to get married than to "burn with passion". This is actually one word, and if you want to understand it, look up "puroō". Some of us are made such that we don't "burn with passion" as Paul describes. To them, he tells them this is not a bad thing, but rather a good thing. I can't be certain, but I would bet that it was viewed negatively in that day and age (as it still is somewhat) to remain single. Women especially had problems since they had no one to provide and care for them (Hebrew culture was very male dominated). So I do not think it is correct to take this too mean that those who are single are somehow stronger. Rather, you should see it as Paul encouraging those who are unwed to not be ashamed of it, but feel blessed. To those of us who do "burn with passion", we should get married. We each have a certain calling, and as such, God has created our bodies and minds different. To those who feel drawn to a man or woman of the opposite sex, do not ignore it. As Paul says, it is better to acknowledge this God given gift rather than ignore it thinking it is evil. To those who feel drawn to remain single, you should do that. It is a much simpler life.


Valuecard, I would suggest you be careful about making such absolute claims about God's intentions for us. Each Christians relationship with God is personal, and God does not create us all to serve in the same. He made us each unique, and I thank him for that.


Luther..., please be careful in accusing people of heresy. It is a very strong claim. Not everybody is in the same place with their walk, and as Christians we should explain things to them rather than hurl accusations. The way we speak and act reflects back on God as we are representatives of him in a way in this world. We should always strive to set the best example we can. If you look at the gospels, I find very few places where Jesus was enraged (Jesus entering the temple is one), but many places wehre he showed love and compassion for others...especially those who were lost.


Hope this helps.
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Unread 6th July 2009, 04:51 PM
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Originally Posted by ruperik View Post
Luther..., please be careful in accusing people of heresy. It is a very strong claim. Not everybody is in the same place with their walk, and as Christians we should explain things to them rather than hurl accusations.
Strong emotions to the word maybe, but its not a strong word. ANY misrepresentations of the truth of God is heresy. Which means pretty much all of us are guilty of it at one point or another, and will probably be guilty of it in the future.

But it should be called for what it is.

On top of it 1 Tim 4:1-5 could not be more clear on this issue.

1The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. 2Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. 3They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. 4For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, 5because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.
This passage makes it absolutly clear the teaching is heresy.

The way we speak and act reflects back on God as we are representatives of him in a way in this world. We should always strive to set the best example we can. If you look at the gospels, I find very few places where Jesus was enraged (Jesus entering the temple is one), but many places wehre he showed love and compassion for others...especially those who were lost.
I'm not enraged when I tell someone that what they have said is heresy. I'm informing them of what it is. Heresy is just a word, it has a meaning which is something that is taught which contrary to the truth of God. That is what heresy is.

The mantle of teaching doctrine is a heavy one to carry. (James 3:1) Someone should only attempt to teach if they are properly called. And at that point they should only teach sound doctrine which they have learned from a reliable clergy. The work of teaching is tough enough on those of us who are properly called to teach by both God and his church. And we still all make mistakes and pass on heresies based on our misunderstandings. Heresies which we hopefully correct to those taught in the future. Teaching is not a calling for some lone ranger to go off make up his own set of beliefs on scripture based solely on an english translation of the greek and hebrew which he is not yet trained to understand.
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  #10  
Unread 9th July 2009, 12:13 AM
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Originally Posted by valuecard View Post
Hi. sorry for the delay in reply. Just because a mainstream church doesnt teach what im saying, doesnt make it heresy. Heresy is something which contradicts the bible, whereas everything i said, i posted scripture where paul said the exact same thing, thus making it clear that my assertions in line with the Word of God. This message is not taught often in mainstream churches cause its not what the people want to hear. I would also add this scripture

1 Cor 7
29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none

Why would God want to you go and get married, and then say, "now that your married, you should be living like as though you werent married"??
Come on, it speaks for itself, God's priority is for Christians to seek their creator, not to seek the creation (ie a partner).

And those who God does truly give a wife/husband too are the very ones who will continue to seek God first and are ones God knows wont forsake their affections for Him in exchange for loving their spouse (sadly the majority of married christians do not fall into this category according to paul)

PS. the issue of me not being able to read greek/hebrew here is irrelevant here, for 2 reasons. one, 1 corinthians was not written in hebrew so there was no need to bring that up. second, i beleive the greek has been accurately translated (God inspired) into english. Its just not the case where the greek in 1 cor 7 means something 'totally different' to the plain english

GBU

Phil =)
You took that verse way out of context. Here's the context.

25Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. 29This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, 30and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, 31and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. 32I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
Paul is in favor of both singleness and marriage. And note that he makes clear that it is a suggestion to the Corinthians, and not a command, for those who are single to remain single. It was a difficult time, and he wanted to spare the new Christians the added difficulty of serving a spouse. But God is for marriage, and He created it as good. To say marriage is a bad thing would be a great dishonor to God's good purpose of creating marriage to be an image of Christ and the church (Eph. 5:32).



The Bible is clear that marriage is a good thing in God's eyes.


Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.
Genesis 2:18
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."
Hebrews 13:4a
Let marriage be held in honor among all
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