Beyond the Horizon....the life of a christian girl (2)

Lilly of the Valley · #11 10th March 2009, 12:10 PM

The 'G' situation (guy who I found out has a girlfriend) has pushed me to an edge. Okay, yesterday was pretty good until evening. Well, I don't know...all the guy stuff got to me for reasons I rather not explain because they're pretty much unexplainable unless you're in the situation. Anywho...I'm still kinda 'blah' from the whole ordeal. And then seeing 'G' today didn't exactly help. Thank goodness I didn't have to look at him directly or anything. Plus, most of yesterday night I was trying to analyze the whole thing...lol...so not too much sleep dude. The only reason it even matters is because he has a stupid g/f. That's making it all messed up. Usually I have crushes on dudes that aren't in a relationship...like 'Z' (!!

). So...I don't know. Hopefully the crush fades soon.

Lilly of the Valley · #12 12th March 2009, 12:37 PM

I had just finished reviewing and was writing some notes that the teacher suggested to take down (only me and one other student were in the class). Well, I was about prepared for another two hours of Geo. class when 'G' slowly stepped into the room and lingered near the door looking at what was going on. Well, my stress level jumped from like 50 to 90...LOL. I thought I had finally kinda gotten over him in the past two days but obviously I hadn't. Class wasn't too bad, but the whole time almost I was quite aware of his presence a few desks away and freaked out about looking stupid in front of him. When the teacher told me to get up in front of the class and find a region on the globe, I really felt myself freak out. Though about half the class was missing, 'G' was there and there I was standing almost directly in front of him trying to find some regions on the globe w/ him looking rt. at me! You're talking stress.

I mean, I already hate being put on the spot in class but to have that happen w/ a dude I like is like 10x worse! Anywho...I didn't do anything too embarassing, so that's good...lol. But I did see him glance at me a few times. I don't know what on earth is going on. It's just messed up. And guess what! I have class again w/ him tomorrow! LOL I have class w/ him everyday...which now that I like him is slightly nightmarish since this semester the teachers seem to keep putting folks on the spot! Dude! And like I said, I don't know what's going on. For me, at least, there seems to be this drama undercurrent that gets more and more pervasive ea. class. I wouldn't think anything of the crush or his random glances (that could mean nothing) if the weird moment when our eyes met for several seconds hadn't happened earlier this week. I can't put my finger on it...but there was something going on. Don't know what. I mean, I was looking at him and listening like I do to everyone else. So....I just don't know. It wasn't a "moment" like w/ other guys that I really liked and who like me back. It was different...yet it wasn't neutral either. Man I wish I could remove this crush.

Whew....had to vent that out! Spring Break is next week, so hopefully my feelings will dissolve over that period.

Lilly of the Valley · #13 12th March 2009, 07:03 PM

Okay...I just reread parts of this blog and it seems to be one big guy rant...HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, the main reason for that is 1) this is public and more personal stuff I'm not putting on here and 2) I literally need to write up and vent my thoughts when it comes to dudes or I tend to analyze and think on the situation constantly.

Lilly of the Valley · #14 13th March 2009, 12:54 PM

The spell is broken!!

...at least I think it is...LOL

Well, in class today 'G' showed up and I felt nothing! No nerves, no infatuation....nothin'! And it lasted throughout class too! So I'm thinking that if I'm not over him, I will DEFINITELY be by the time break ends judging by today versus yesterday. But I'm not entirely sure, though.

Lilly of the Valley · #15 14th March 2009, 05:34 PM

It's Spring Break and I still have school garbage to do! *snaps fingers* today I worked on two papers and studied. Man. Tomorrow I have to do the same thing. Monday and Thursday, however, I've made mandatory "do nothing" days...LOL.

Lilly of the Valley · #16 17th March 2009, 08:48 PM

Well, I got myself another camera as a backup to the one I have!

Since I'm going out of the country for the first time in my LIFE...lol...I really wanted a backup camera since the one I have has had moments of acting kinda funky. I mean, it works great, but I don't want to take a risk. I'm happy and totally feel way more peace about the photo/video aspect of my trip. Now I just need to find great deals on memory cards and batteries...

In terms of 'G', well, I still kinda like him *cringes* LOL Though, I do think it's definitely fading, but I won't know for sure until I see him in person next week.

Lilly of the Valley · #17 19th March 2009, 06:43 PM

I got on my college email and boom! There's an email about my semester grades being posted. The terror that seized my heart was a foreign feeling. I mean, so far I've gotten only A's ea. semester, but this one I honestly had no clue what I'd end up w/. Well, I checked and guess what.......

....I have 'B's ('B' plus in one and plain ole' 'B' in Lit *rolls eyes*)! Now...considering the problems and work I've had to do...I'm quite pleased, especially in Eng. Dude...the A- I got on the midterm really aided that dude! Thank the Lord! Now I really plan on working my tush to get an 'A' in both or at least keep what I have. Ugghh. And tomorrow is the last technical day of spring break

I have plently to do the next few days. I want to get a lot done w/ my two papers, get going on work for Geo. that may be due next week and continue to study for the Tues. test. Dude!

Guy update: still like 'G'. *snaps fingers* It's definitely faded...A LOT...but is still there.

Lilly of the Valley · #18 23rd March 2009, 01:44 PM

The moment of truth has arrived......

I saw 'G' today. Well, the crush has definitely weakened, but it is still kinda there. Terd! I mean, I felt kinda nervous and tomorrow it'll probably be even worse, dude. I still think he's kinda cute, so that's totally a bummer! I had hoped I would get entirely over the dude! Man!

Lilly of the Valley · #19 24th March 2009, 07:01 PM

Whew! Keeping the Lord first works! Yesterday I was like freaking out w/ all the gunk I had to do. Today I made a point to do "Jesus time" before doing anything else in my normal morning routine and dude! I got done w/ nearly everything I needed to for today before mid afternoon! Yaya!

In class today this one guy was speaking and I turned my head to listen and I saw 'G' looking rt. at me! What on earth! Tomorrow I see him again most likely......I'm kinda looking forward to it...LOL...but that just because I still kinda like him. When will this crush fade?

Lilly of the Valley · #20 25th March 2009, 06:02 PM

I once again looked kinda stupid, at least in my opinion, TWICE today in class! Okay, first, the teacher calls on me out of nowhere asking me something I have no idea about. Well, I say nothing and try looking through my notes and then luckily someone answered instead. Whew! Then, at the end of class I handed the professor my draft and went to turn and this dude ('H'!) was blocking the space I planned on slipping through behind a table. He appologized, but I still had to kinda toggle and take another route. Well, that same situation happened the week before break when I had to get in front of the Geo. class and find a place on the globe. Well, I'm pretty sure today 'G' saw me do that again today! Man! See, I always get all clumsy and messed up around a dude I kinda like!

And then, to make matters kinda worse, the teacher brings up love and gunk in class. Today was like the second or third time! I mean, 'G' is right in front of me. Funny thing, I thought for sure I was over him in class, until the end of class w/ the one situation when I started feeling stupid because he saw it.