1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!' 2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.' 3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle, the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to y you right now. She's hitting the bottle.' 4) MORE NUDITY A little boy was lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?' 5) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, s he asked, 'Are you a cop?' 'Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. 'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe? ' 6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally, he said, 'What'd he do?' 7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.' 9) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' 1 0) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!' 11) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear.'
12) 911 call The ant of a young boy is telling him what to do in case of an Emergence, “you pick up the phone and dial 911. Then tell the operator your address.” The little nephew looks confused, then says “Why do I tell the operator that I’m a dress?”
13) Thunder A little 4 year old was sitting on the porch swing with his Grandmother watching a storm move in when Thunder cracked in the distance. The little boy told his grandmother that God was mad. The Grandmother asked him, how do you know God is mad? Because of the Thunder the little boy said. The Grandmother asked him, Why do you think God is mad. With big eyes he said, I don’t know, but it’s not me I been good all day.
__________________ The flesh revels in the soul’s demise. ---- Prov 6 :23 "For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life. "
1 John 1:6-7 "If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Yeshua, his Son, purifies us from all sin." ----
The Evil one hides in our secrets. Reveal our secrets, and we reveal the Evil one and he flees
__________________ God didn't send His Son to pay for the forgiveness of your sin, and then decide He is going to require you to make installment payments. He only requires you to believe that the FULL PAYMENT was done, over 2000 yr. ago..........then you'll stop trying to make the installments on something you could never pay for anyway. The Good News is that you are debt free!
I believe there is a hell and you won’t go there for what you do, but for what you BELIEVE. (answer: Believe on the Lord Jesus!)
God loves you, and there is nothing you can do or say about it!
Last edited by nephilimiyr; 4th June 2009 at 11:29 PM.
My favorite clip out of all those was the guy who punched the scarecrow in the face. lol
BTW. My families favorite pastime is seeing who can scare me the best or the most, and I fall for the people jumping out from around the corner trick every time. You'd think I'd build up a tolerance.
__________________
Less Hate, More Frolicking
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The only souvenirs here are bloody knuckles and broken bones.
- Kung Fu Panda
The only emperor is the emperor of ice cream.
- Wallace Stevens
To love at all is to be vulnerable.
- C.S. Lewis, "The Four Loves"
What's easy really is often the enemy of what's best and most fulfilling.
-Latteda
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My favorite clip out of all those was the guy who punched the scarecrow in the face. lol
BTW. My families favorite pastime is seeing who can scare me the best or the most, and I fall for the people jumping out from around the corner trick every time. You'd think I'd build up a tolerance.
LOL, my mother is the one in the family that I'd love to scare, now that shes 78 years old I don't try anymore, but I use the word "try" loosely because it didn't take much effort.
My mother had the perfect scream! We got to hear it again recently at my 25th wedding anniversy. They had gotten us a big cake and we were at my sisters house. My sister has a cat and while some of us were in the dinning room the cat had jumped up on this little table where the cake was, nobody noticed it but my mother screamed and ran over to shue the cat away. We were all laughing at her!
__________________ God didn't send His Son to pay for the forgiveness of your sin, and then decide He is going to require you to make installment payments. He only requires you to believe that the FULL PAYMENT was done, over 2000 yr. ago..........then you'll stop trying to make the installments on something you could never pay for anyway. The Good News is that you are debt free!
I believe there is a hell and you won’t go there for what you do, but for what you BELIEVE. (answer: Believe on the Lord Jesus!)
God loves you, and there is nothing you can do or say about it!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
2 Chronicles 16:9 For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward Him.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
2 Chronicles 16:9 For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward Him.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
__________________ God didn't send His Son to pay for the forgiveness of your sin, and then decide He is going to require you to make installment payments. He only requires you to believe that the FULL PAYMENT was done, over 2000 yr. ago..........then you'll stop trying to make the installments on something you could never pay for anyway. The Good News is that you are debt free!
I believe there is a hell and you won’t go there for what you do, but for what you BELIEVE. (answer: Believe on the Lord Jesus!)
God loves you, and there is nothing you can do or say about it!
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