Premarital Counseling Questions

My fiance and I went to our first counseling session about a week ago. Today I talked to one of my married friends and after that talk I am under wondering if people generally have about the same experience with this across the board or if there are vast differences depending on who does the counseling. So, some questions...

Did you and your spouse have premarital counseling before you got married?

If so, did you do the counseling with a Pastor or someone else?

How many sessions did you have and how long did they take?

How far apart were the sessions (ex. every week, every month, etc)?

Did your counselor want the sessions spread out over time or have them all very close to the wedding? Do you know why the sessions were timed the way they were?

Did you have "homework" to do outside of counseling sessions?

Did you have a "mentor couple"?

Did you have to pay anything for the sessions?

Was premarital counseling what you expected?

Was your overall experience with premarital counseling a good one?

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Did you and your spouse have premarital counseling before you got married? Yes

If so, did you do the counseling with a Pastor or someone else? It was classes that met at the home a married couple (who facilitated the class) along with other engaged couples

How many sessions did you have and how long did they take? 8, I think.

How far apart were the sessions (ex. every week, every month, etc)?
We met once a week.

Did your counselor want the sessions spread out over time or have them all very close to the wedding? Do you know why the sessions were timed the way they were? I don't think there was much of a requirement as to the timing related to the wedding. It was just required by all the churches of our town to complete 8 weeks of some sort of pre-marital counseling.

Did you have "homework" to do outside of counseling sessions?
Yes, I believe so.

Did you have a "mentor couple"?
Yes, although they weren't involved on a daily basis...involvement was mostly class time.

Did you have to pay anything for the sessions? No

Was premarital counseling what you expected? No, and I really think somehow churches need to do a better job preparing couples for marriage. I am not sure what the answer is, but with the divorce rate where it is, I think pre-marital counseling is the BEST place to start the improvements.

Was your overall experience with premarital counseling a good one? Overall, yes, but it could have gone deeper. Our class focused a lot on finances and being united in that area since that is where a lot of marriages fall apart. That is an area we are pretty strong on, and it could have been because of the class. I feel that controversial things need to be discussed to make sure the couple is in agreement. In-law issues are the other leading issue that couples divorce over, and not a word was spoken on that subject. I wish more had been said about that topic. I am not sure if the class idea is the best. Maybe women should meet with another woman for a few sessions, and the man with the pastor (or male counselor) and then the couple together. I just know there is much room for improvement.

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Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring one another- Romans 12: 9-10

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Maybe AutumnLeaf could write a book of questions to be asked in pre-marital class. He seems to be able to get people talking to where a lot is revealed.

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Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring one another- Romans 12: 9-10

Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

yep yes My husband's father counseled us, but he is a pastor and did most of the service. one on the phone because of the distance apart we were in Ohio he was in Fl. no but we did have recommended reading and you could say we still get counseling from him... no, but I think it's an awesome idea no, but you could say we're still paying for it.....(love you pop....just a bit of silly) yep and my husband has patterned his premarital counseling after his dad's counseling for the most part (hubby is pastor too) without doubt, lots of good advice and example to back it up...

Did you and your spouse have premarital counseling before you got married?
Yes.

If so, did you do the counseling with a Pastor or someone else?
Yes, several sessions with our priest and several not with the priest.

How many sessions did you have and how long did they take?
I think we had about 8. I can't remember how long they took. I do remember yawning so it was definitely more than an hour per session.

How far apart were the sessions (ex. every week, every month, etc)?
There wasn't a clear pattern, it was quite spread out. The sessions we had at a married couple's house with two other engaged couples were a week or two apart if I remember correctly.

Did your counselor want the sessions spread out over time or have them all very close to the wedding? Do you know why the sessions were timed the way they were?
They were spread out. Our final session with a lot of engaged couples was about two months before the wedding I believe, but that's because I asked to be put in another group for the final session. Otherwise it would have taken place three weeks after our wedding LOL!
I don't remember why the sessions were planned this way but they did explain the reason. It was impossible for couples to go through premarital counseling if they wanted to get married within 6 months (we barely managed it in 6 months and a bit), and you couldn't get married in the church without having gone through premarital counseling, so they push longer engagements (6+ months) quite strongly, and I find that a bit patronizing.


Did you have "homework" to do outside of counseling sessions?
Yes.

Did you have a "mentor couple"?
Yes. We're still in touch with them, they're very nice. They still do the premarital counseling but have never met another couple that is as much in love as my husband and I are.

Did you have to pay anything for the sessions?
No, but the ceremony in the church wasn't free, and I assume the counseling sessions are paid from that fee.

Was premarital counseling what you expected?
Yes. It was a bit too shallow for us, it was aimed at couples who are not really churchy, to explain what marrying for the church means.

Was your overall experience with premarital counseling a good one?
The conversations with our priest were very good and I liked the sessions with our mentor couple, but I didn't learn anything from the other engaged couples, and the sessions with the large group were superficial.

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Did you and your spouse have premarital counseling before you got married?
Yes.

If so, did you do the counseling with a Pastor or someone else?
We took a group course with a Christian organization outside of our church. Our pastor was willing to do it too, but I had just met him and didn't feel my level of trust with him was quite there yet.

How many sessions did you have and how long did they take? How far apart were the sessions (ex. every week, every month, etc)? Did your counselor want the sessions spread out over time or have them all very close to the wedding? Do you know why the sessions were timed the way they were?
It was a single weekend. I think it was Friday evening and all day Saturday. Or maybe it was two weekends in a row? I forget. This organization offered the courses regularly on weekends, and we just signed up for one that suited our schedule.

Did you have "homework" to do outside of counseling sessions?
No, there wasn't time! But we had lots of couple-discussion time during the course of the weekend.

Did you have a "mentor couple"?
No.

Did you have to pay anything for the sessions?
Yes, seeing as we took the course at an independent organization.

Was premarital counseling what you expected?
Yep, more or less.

Was your overall experience with premarital counseling a good one?
Sure. It wasn't earth-shattering or anything, but it was nice to be reassured that we actually did have a lot of things figured out already and weren't just in denial or so in love we couldn't see our own flaws.



By the way, the usual way to do things in our church is to meet with the pastor and his wife (so they'd be the mentor couple) with a course they do by meeting once a week for 7 weeks. There is homework. There is no cost if you're connected to the church (i.e. a member, or being married by the pastor, or regular attenders). My husband and I just recently completed the "marriage refresher course" version of this counselling curriculum (after 3 years of marriage) and it was a good reminder of things we're good at and things we need to work on.

Thanks for all the responses so far!

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bump!

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