I don't want to tell anyone in my life how I feel about the things going on in it. I'm supposed to be strong right? I'm getting married and I need to be strong for my wife to be.
But the truth is that work is stressful. I'm an insurance broker whose clients are never satisfied.
My mom almost died last week....again! She has had diabetes and since I was in high school she has had complications which give her seizures, strokes, etc.. and she went into some sort of shock from having too much potassium this time (a complication from the stage she's currently at in the disease/disorder). They had to resuscitate her twice.
She won't be coming to my wedding this summer due to the complications--which is understandable; but neither will most of my family. As far as I know, only one sister and my father can make it. I have another sister who just started a new career, and so she probably will not be able to make it due to the fact that she can't get the time off. They live so far away from Florida (which is where the wedding is). Tickets are only like $99 round trip, though.
I feel totally abandoned by my family members that are not coming. My aunts and uncles. My sister. Some of my closest friends. The thing that I have going for me is my wonderful bride to be. I love her so much and I am so glad that I have her. She is truly my best friend.
That is what makes me happy. I just wish that my family and friends would understand how much it means to me that they would come. I feel like they are just passing on it like they would any regular party. I don't feel like they loved me ever. Otherwise they would make an effort at least.
Anyways, I just wanted to vent on here and hopefully get some prayer support because I'm starting to wear down. I feel very tired lately because of these things. It is exhausting me to be saddened about it.
And I'm just done. I feel like I want to give up. What do you do when you feel like you don't matter to your closest friends and family?
I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself. I just wish my family could come to my wedding. Or that I could just not care about it or something.
I called my family one by one the other day kind of getting a head count as they already were invited and would not be able to get the RSVPs back to us in time. One by one they said no, and I just took it with a breath and a "thank you" while pretending that everything was fine. I talked with my last aunt and uncle I invited, and once they told me "no" I could almost swear I would cry right on the phone. I pretended again that nothing was wrong; but I could tell they could hear my voice shaking.
Everyone probably has their reasons. I just can't help but feel offended. And so I'm just tired. I'm going to try to get sleep now. Just please pray for me and send me messages that will make me feel better because I don't know how much more of this I can take. It seems like a lot of things are going wrong right now (aside from the actual wedding). Life has a way of turning around, I know. I just can't help but feel like the most important day of my life is not a day worth celebrating to others. Whatever happened to "rejoice with those who rejoice"?
Officially I will have 3 people there on my side as long as no one bails. She will have about 40 or so. That is actually going to be a little embarassing for me. heh.
Good night.
.. God bless you brother..you dont ahve to be strong.Jesus is your strength..dont worry.you got so many that love you
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