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  #1  
Unread 8th March 2009, 10:37 PM
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Family Estrangement

hello all,

I was wondering if anyone can give me advice on family estrangement. I am unfortunately estranged from my immediate family for the last year or so. When I was younger my other sibbling was the favored one, and I was the black sheep. I guess what has botherred me the most in the years is the fact that I was never called upon to contribute or help out the family in any way. I have always suffered from low self esteem, and have had bouts of depression, and this may be one of the main reasons for my unhappiness.

I'm not sure if I will ever have a good relationship with my immediate family, and I want to help others, and have done so. However, just knowing about the fact that I never fit in my family structure has caused me many problems over the years. Would anyone be able to give me advice on how I should overcome my self esteem and depressiion issues if the issues with my immediate family are not resolved?
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  #2  
Unread 9th March 2009, 10:26 AM
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I would suggest that you deal with your self esteem and depression issues first. Because you can not give away love if you don't have it for yourself. Remember Jesus said you shall love one another even as you love yourselves. What I would suggest is getting in the bible and going over scriptures on what it say about who you are in Christ. And whatever negative you have heard from others, the media, friends, family, about yourself I would suggest that you ignore that and focus soley on what God has said about you. Remember "Let God be True and Let Every man be a liar" and also "It is better to listen to the word of God than to the word of Man" so be encouraged brother. Pray for God to open up the doors of forgiveness and love towards yourself and your family. Forgive them brother for whatever they have done wrong to you.
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  #3  
Unread 9th March 2009, 01:21 PM
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Love

We can not change how others act, or do. The only thing we an do is change how We respond to it If we have any wrong doing in the problem we can change it by saying we are sorry ect. If we go to God and see if we do not have any part in it, then it is important to give it to God and step away from it. We can get depressed when we try to change others and it just does not work.
The serenity prayer has helped me:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
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  #4  
Unread 10th March 2009, 05:32 AM
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Christ

Originally Posted by BlessEwe View Post
We can not change how others act, or do. The only thing we an do is change how We respond to it If we have any wrong doing in the problem we can change it by saying we are sorry ect. If we go to God and see if we do not have any part in it, then it is important to give it to God and step away from it. We can get depressed when we try to change others and it just does not work.
The serenity prayer has helped me:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
This is sooo true. I remember God saying to me in my spirit you can either hold on to your problems/unforgiveness/issues and be miserable and nothing will come out of it. Or you can give it to me and I will make you happy and make up to you whatever you lost? What do you Choose?
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  #5  
Unread 11th March 2009, 12:28 AM
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Originally Posted by ScottTenorman View Post
hello all,

I was wondering if anyone can give me advice on family estrangement. I am unfortunately estranged from my immediate family for the last year or so. When I was younger my other sibbling was the favored one, and I was the black sheep. I guess what has botherred me the most in the years is the fact that I was never called upon to contribute or help out the family in any way. I have always suffered from low self esteem, and have had bouts of depression, and this may be one of the main reasons for my unhappiness.

I'm not sure if I will ever have a good relationship with my immediate family, and I want to help others, and have done so. However, just knowing about the fact that I never fit in my family structure has caused me many problems over the years. Would anyone be able to give me advice on how I should overcome my self esteem and depressiion issues if the issues with my immediate family are not resolved?
Hi dear brother, your story really touched my heart. Why because my mother has estranged me 3 times in the last 5 years. Over something stupid too. Now is the 3 time of her estrangement with me. It is so hard for me to talk to my father because he is abused by her verbally. My mother has told my father that she wants NOTHING to do with me. So I know your pain. I have posted about this very issue and here is what others have to say to sum it up, that I need to love myself AS GOD LOVES ME! God is my family God will NEVER EVER estrange you for anything...HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH!!...So I am getting a wee bit better because when I get low about mother estranging me I think of that advice. Dear brother I so much hope that this helps you, PLEASE PM me if you want to talk further! REMEMBER YOU ARE A BLESSING NO MATTER WHAT!
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  #6  
Unread 17th March 2009, 09:27 AM
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hello again,

First off I would like to thank the posters that gave me advice on my predicament. You don't know how much that means to me, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I had one specific problem I did not mention. I understand why my parents and I have been estranged, as we have never been that close so it never really came as a shock that things are like this. I sent them both birthday cards recently, since I really want to re establish a relationship with them.

I recently had a fallout with my only sister, and even though I am not sure why she chose to do this, I think it has to do with my relationship with my folks (my sister was always the favored one, and has a closer relationship with them). that is her decision, and even if it hurt me greatly, and let me perplexed, since i did not do anything to her that bad, it hurt me greatly.

What is even worse is I had a relationship with a woman before I was a christian, and for some reason she did not let me know that I fathered a child until my daughter was 4 1/2 years old. I ended up moving back to the city I was from for 10 months to establish a relationship with her. I agreed to pay support to the mother. Since She was now married, and I have to deal with her husband being the "real" father to my daughter since I was never given a chance.

Now here is the problem. I rarely get to see my daughter because I took a job out of town so I could make more and in turn give more support to the child. My family and especially my sister see her occasionally, but the thing is, they do not inform me, and what is worse is they take pics of her, and put them on facebook, yet my sister now refuses to have anything to do with me. So essentially even though I pay 30% of my earnings to my daughter, and use up all my vacation time to see her, my family will invite her over, take pics, etc, without paying anything to her, not sending me pics or informing me.

It's really frustrating, and I am her father and supporting her financially. And if I could be there iin the same city I would. I just don't understand why I cannot contact my sister, or visit her children, yet she has no problem seeing my child. Should I feel resentul? Should I feel hurt? I have no idea what I should do.

Im so sorry for laying my problems out on this forum. I'm just so hurting inside and I would just like a fellow Christian brother/sister to talk to about this. If anyone can provide some good advice I would be eternally greatul.

God bless.
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