| Where can I put my eyes?
Hi,
I went to mass tonight full of depression and was wondering if the service could jolt me out of my loathing.
I realised the ministers for helping the priest were not in attendance, and I am trained, but I was depressed, scanning the pews I thought I was on my own as helper and slowly and surely I was silently panicking. I was intensely self critical and self conscious, it turned out, there were two others to help.
I was so self loathing thinking I was doing everything wrong, my throat goes very dry and the body of jesus was not going down, we used to line up side ways to the congregation, but now we face them, so they can observe, my chewing and difficulty swallowing, selfish energy to an outsider, but I am in a mood of not liking myself, so I am very self critical. I was giving the blood of christ and when no one comes by for this, I am just standing there hoping I look reverant, do I look out across the people? I just want to look in the chalice? I hope and pray I dont look like I'm having a terrible time. I need some inner strength.
thankyou for reading | 
Linear Mode
