Have you experienced bullying?

Jaws13 · #41 8th May 2011, 02:30 PM

Originally Posted by salamacum

Would Christian parents recommend self-defence classes?
I think I would.

I'm not a Christian parent, but I am a martial artist. Simply learning self defense isn't the answer. Learning the qualities that make a martial artist- discipline, self control, integrity, respect, self-confidence- and WHEN to use self defense is what will ultimately make a difference. If someone throws a punch it is incredibly easy for a martial artist to dodge it. In your classic scenario, the martial artist can throw the punch away from their body with a sidestep and the attacker ends up off balance.

You don't need to hit back to end bullying unless it is threatening injury or death.

Franny50 · #42 28th May 2011, 05:08 PM

I was bullied on a catholic forum because of having questioned a number of catholic beliefs.I was shocked at the angry self righteous attitudes and was called everything from a heretic to a protestant plant.I was constantly corrected and ridiculed and called names.Finally,I decided to stay away from that site.I've found that sometimes it is best not to debate with religious bullies and zealots,and to walk away.For every response I came up with someone had a counter argument which was laced with condemnation.

Dan the Man · #43 1st June 2011, 09:35 PM

I've never been bullied and none of my three sons (15, 11, 7) have been bullied that I know of. But I've taught them to fight and to defend others who are bullied. I've been called a bully and much worse for doing the job I do, but I've never bullied anyone at school, home, or church.

salamacum · #44 2nd June 2011, 02:19 PM

Originally Posted by Franny50

I was bullied on a catholic forum because of having questioned a number of catholic beliefs.I was shocked at the angry self righteous attitudes and was called everything from a heretic to a protestant plant.I was constantly corrected and ridiculed and called names.Finally,I decided to stay away from that site.I've found that sometimes it is best not to debate with religious bullies and zealots,and to walk away.For every response I came up with someone had a counter argument which was laced with condemnation.

I AM interested in this.
The people on the Semper Reformanda board are very suspicious of your motives. They think if you post anything on "The Perseverance of the Saints" and you aren't 'local' then you are a flamer.
They should welcome the opportunity to put ignoramuses intellectually and scripturally to flight...

And not need their space 'protecting'

Then there was a terrible experience I had on the Golden Eagles board. I can only say that a couple of people in trying to bring the topic down were just a little religiously unhinged as well as being bullying.
They made double postings and postings that went on for pages and were filled with space...
As well as refusing to enter the debate. The moderators did step in and I think were grateful when I'd decided that I had had enough.

EmilyF · #45 7th July 2011, 11:19 PM

I usually try to read a whole thread but am just going to respond this time. I have faced bullying in school, at home (growing up) and in our old church. I was in the church for nearly 10 years. In that time TWO people apologized for hurting me or embarrassing me in front of the others. The last straw in this for me was someone found out that I voted for Obama. People started calling me a misinformed socialist, calling him my president and tried to schedule a sit down to talk about my responsibilities as an American christian.

This group led me to believe that I was selfish, lazy, irresponsible, filthy, a failure as a wife and a terrible parent.

I hit send too early, but I was given the gift of great freedom with those people today. There was an incident this morning and essentially someone through my husband called my relationship with God into question and used that to say that we're far from God. They requested a sit down to "discuss" My experience with that church is that discussions are used to tear people down. I was LIVID. My wonderful then put it in such an eye opening way. I'm not subject to them anymore. When I thought about it as what a "subject" is when talking about people (a subject being someone that is ruled over), it made so much sense. I spent the rest of the day feeling peaceful.

salamacum · #46 9th July 2011, 07:49 AM

Thanks for that.

I am interested in the subtle ways Christians can 'Lord it' over each other.

Johnnz · #47 11th July 2011, 12:33 AM

We can forget that Satan is religious too "if you will.. worship me.... " Grace belongs to Jesus. Graceless people beating others with 'the only right doctrine' reflect a religious spirit, which always contains some tyranny. These were the only people Jesus denounced.

John
NZ

salamacum · #48 17th July 2011, 03:48 AM

Just had an interesting experience. I came back from 3 years abroad with a number of issues, mostly relating the the ways Christians seemed to be disjointed and rather unreal and slightly hypocritical. Tried to talk about these with my pastor and the others on leadership.
They could cope with it......!!! So I took myself off leadership.
Been basically treated rather uncomfortably by all of them ever since.
HOWEVER, I was very surprised to find that our new pastor has been seeking out my insights. He's been urging me to send him emails and we chat together at the university where I work temporarily. You see, although he's got a servant spirit he's not really 'spiritual' or 'prophetic' like the others. He's really an intellectual. He doesn't get fazed by unwelcome 'off-message' thinking.
AND now he's asked me to preach. I've realised how much I've really been waiting for these conversations as part of my rehabilitation.

EmilyF · #49 23rd July 2011, 09:10 AM

I think my husband and I have found a new church home for our family. The pastor at the new church knows all about the old one. There are even others who are "recovering" from our old church. I'm starting to feel a freedom and a healing that I thought I'd never experience.

One can't leave our old church without it being their own fault, their own sin, their own rebellion. I've been approached in public and told that the person has heard that we've "walked away".

Before we left we heard a lot about what was wrong with all of those "other churches".

I fully believe I've left a cult.

MCab · #50 4th September 2011, 11:56 AM

Have I been bullied? whooo boy, lemme tell ya . . .

Grammar school was an 8 year episode of "Oz." Where I'm from is a upper-mid class neighborhood in the New Orleans suburbs filled with sheltered, racist, elitist types who've never worked a hard day in their life. To make it worse, my home life was dominated by my father, who at the time was suffering with undiagnosed cyclothymia (a mild, chronic bipolar) and narcissistic personality disorder (my diagnosis). So the verbal abuse he heaped, on top of that which I got at school, led to a serious lack of confidence and a lot of distrust that I'd like to think I'm growing out of.

High school, no real bullying going on. Work, yeah, I've been in some toxic environments. Living at home didn't help, never had the psychic muscles to stand up to myself.

I've spent years at a church where I was personally shunned, but allowed to stay because I was involved in a lot of ministries. I eventually left and have been very cynical about the institutional church.

Re: Martial arts. It's important to have a doctrine as well as technique. I'm a martial artists and shooter, and I have some specific rules about when to use violence and at what level. These are things that need to be discussed.

It might take your child a long time in a dojo to learn enough to be able to defend himself. I suggest you look up the works of WE Fairbairn. He taught martial arts to allied special forces soldiers in WW2. Mind you, some of his techniques are lethal and I am not condoning you teach your child those. But, the others are very useful (ie, getting out of bear hugs) and easy to learn. And there's nothing wrong with running away if the odds are too poor.