| Remarriage A forum to discuss remarriage after loss of spouse or divorce. |
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20th February 2009, 08:59 PM
|  | Senior Member
45     
 | | Join Date: 19th July 2004 Location: Michigan
Posts: 605
Blessings: 59,657 My Mood 
Reps: 21,214,506,342,447 (power: 21,214,506,350) | | Originally Posted by Autumnleaf  What is different about this man that will make a marriage with him work where the previous one failed? - Many people remarry the same kind of person which brings up the same types of problems. Don't fall for the same trap twice.
Why isn't he already married? He is a middle aged fellow, I gather. Is it really because you two are destined for each other or is there something about him that isn't quite right?
Do you want a husband or a friend or a friend with privileges? Be clear about what you want or you might end up with something you didn't want and have to go through the process of getting rid of.
If you consider everything and he still seems like the right guy to marry then do it and never look back.
Wow AL, thank you for those fair and considerate questions and thoughts. You may not actually want an answer to these questions... I mean, it's not really important that you all know the answers. But I will type them out anyway. That way you'll know if you are indeed curious, and I'll get to consider them in print. 
First, my new man is the OPPOSITE of my spouse in pretty much every way possible. He has completely different interests and priorities, and most importantly, he is a Christian (dh is an atheist).
He's been married and divorced once. Since his divorce he's had one long-term serious relationship which ended this last summer. He wanted to marry her, she decided he wasn't "the one" for her. He is an open book about this relationship(and his whole life), so I can ask him anything I want/need to know about it.
Honestly, I would like a friend with priviledges (a live-in lover would be nice). But, the Lord says that is wrong for a reason. It leads to pain! I know from personal experience. I have a desire for the priviledges that can only be found within the confines of marriage. Since my male friend and I are both Christians and we believe what our Lord has to say about it, to have marriage priviledges - we must get married.
I don't want to rush into a second marriage just for the physical intimacy that I have denied myself for almost two years now though. So we will build our friendship and Godly foundation for marriage. Then, when we are both ready and the timing is right, we will marry. 
Yeah, that felt good to type out. Thanks for asking AL.
__________________
I now see my life, not as the slow shaping of achievement to fit my preconceived purposes, but as the gradual discovery of a purpose which I did not know.
- Joanna Field
This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
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21st February 2009, 10:48 AM
|  | Senior Member
40  
| | Join Date: 13th March 2007 Location: Bakersfield
Posts: 1,162
Blessings: 71,054 My Mood 
Reps: 314,381,363 (power: 314,387) | | | Well, I for one am happy for you and happy that you have moved on and filed. I know that what your husband has been doing was just awful. Espcially not even attempting to stop.
Just be real careful before you jump into anything. Read all the red flags if there are any, even the little ones. And then just pray about him and trust God. You are a very smart woman and I know you will be fine. |
21st February 2009, 05:16 PM
| | Senior Member
45
| | Join Date: 19th July 2004 Location: Michigan
Posts: 605
Blessings: 59,657 My Mood
Reps: 21,214,506,342,447 (power: 21,214,506,350) | | Thanks Dayknee.  It's been awhile since we talked last. I hope your situation is better now. 
__________________
I now see my life, not as the slow shaping of achievement to fit my preconceived purposes, but as the gradual discovery of a purpose which I did not know.
- Joanna Field
This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
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21st February 2009, 08:18 PM
|  | Legend
  
| | Join Date: 18th June 2005
Posts: 19,421
Blessings: 1,392,761 My Mood 
Reps: 178,450,521,866,537,152 (power: 178,450,521,866,563) | | Originally Posted by kanga22 Wow AL, thank you for those fair and considerate questions and thoughts. You may not actually want an answer to these questions... I mean, it's not really important that you all know the answers. But I will type them out anyway. That way you'll know if you are indeed curious, and I'll get to consider them in print.
First, my new man is the OPPOSITE of my spouse in pretty much every way possible. He has completely different interests and priorities, and most importantly, he is a Christian (dh is an atheist).
He's been married and divorced once. Since his divorce he's had one long-term serious relationship which ended this last summer. He wanted to marry her, she decided he wasn't "the one" for her. He is an open book about this relationship(and his whole life), so I can ask him anything I want/need to know about it.
Honestly, I would like a friend with priviledges (a live-in lover would be nice). But, the Lord says that is wrong for a reason. It leads to pain! I know from personal experience. I have a desire for the priviledges that can only be found within the confines of marriage. Since my male friend and I are both Christians and we believe what our Lord has to say about it, to have marriage priviledges - we must get married.
I don't want to rush into a second marriage just for the physical intimacy that I have denied myself for almost two years now though. So we will build our friendship and Godly foundation for marriage. Then, when we are both ready and the timing is right, we will marry.
Yeah, that felt good to type out. Thanks for asking AL.
You're welcome. He sounds like a good fit. I hope everything works out well for the two of you.
__________________
To know all is to forgive all. | | |
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