pray for a broken heart and mind

Mate, I know exactly what you are trying to say.

When you hate God, then that hate is coming from your anger and bittnerness and resentfulness that you hold to other people and maybe to yourself.

The hardest thing for a believer to do is to transform and renew their brain, because until they can, their heart will never see the TRUTH.

What you are missing is freedom?

You see HCS, our Lord Jesus Christ came to heal the broken-hearted, and your heart needs to be healed before you can progress. After your heart is healed then you can be set free from captivity, such as your OCD, which has made you into a double-minded person. You are caught up in two souls, and that soul of yours needs healing and deliverance.

How did you find that video?

Yes mate, you know well and truly that it's your heart that is holding you back, and your heart needs to be healed.

Do you want to be set free?

Blessings!

Cor 13: faith, hope and love..greatest is love..I think we all fail and dont live up to any of these standards to a degree..more for me in faith and hope.

there is a saying..intill we walk in the shoes of others we will never truly know or how they feel..I know and learned this to be so true..in how I look and feel about others and even myself..

the saying..I know how you feel..is something I hope I never to say to anyone..becausereally you dont know..either do I about others..you really do have to see through their eyes in order to feel and know their experience.

I wish I could touch someone or give them my eyes..not because I am proud or suffering "more" ..no so I know someone truly understands what I am trying to say..because in honestly..I wouldnt keep coming back if I wasnt trying to get something out..or say something that someone can relate or understand too..

Yes my heart is broken.you know how I know.I feel it physically..when I wake up..its not a physical illness I feel.but a pain heavy pain that manifests itself physically..i feel it deep in my chest...at times I almost collapse..when I close my eyes..tears of the color black run down heavily from my eyes..though I havent been able to cry for years..I see this and feel it spiritually, though nothing happens physically..

I do apologize if I seem thick or stubborn..this is never my intent..I wish I could touch most of you..giving you my eyes and my shoes.."go to Jesus" I would say..you then would find what I truly mean and understand when I say" its not so easy" ..because I have learned..our eyes and hears..what our mind is limited too from our own understanding..what we percieve..what we tell others the advice we give them..at times its not so easy as you say..or we say

I know this..and this is what Im trying to say..not because Im looking for a pity party..*!@#^!^! that..I dont want anyones pity..nor my own..that would bring shame

"Do you want to be set free?"

answer: Yes..No...enters my mind..I dont know..what to? All of you have a reason..though you may not see or realize it.you have a good reason too..something to hold on to.to put faith in.a good reason..to put faith in God..you will say.or think but I have given you the word of God..given you many good reasons...see it through my eyes.and then come back to me..I know and have read all of your great posts..yet I keep coming back? You all know when you came to Jesus..you had to build your trust over time..because you can only trust as much as you have learned too..once you got to know God better.you were able to trust GOd better..this is true for all of you..

see through my eyes..see your words given to me..you guys have been so nice to me..I just dont know why the words have not been made true to me..or that I havent been able to realize it yet..:S I am more then terrified to put trust in Jesus.because of what I think good is or love is..because currently I hate that stuff.it just brings me harm and pain..

OCD doesnt make you double minded as you say..its the doubting disease.it gives you the opposite of what you want.atleast for me..

Do I want to be set free?

again to what..what does intimacy with God do.what is it? with the things lost? what does healing do to those areas? does it give back? or must I lose more? am I a robot or a pawn? does healing give back what is lost? or change what could be? healing to me is nice way of putting a bandaid over what happened.. putting a smile on your face..because its still in me..its still down there.that hurt...healing to me..is giving up what all of you had the chance to do...something i see everyday and wish I could do like normal people..something I lost without a *!&&^!$%! reason.I woke up and BOOM two chronic illnesses.I remember those specific days that happened.i remember what I lost in one day..from nothing..no one knew.it was just gone..no one could explain it..BOOM gone..left to wonder for years.[wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] happened?? healing to me..just gives up..puts a smile on and you live with it...why the hell would I want that??? healing to know its still there.someone to take away without my permission to somethingthat is always still there.to live in that *(!&*! shame day after day.and why would I want God to heal that? so I can put a smile on..lose some more and walk around comforting and blessing people? all happens for some "good" reason? so I can help others..!(@*&(! that!!

sorry..when I think of healing..I dont want it per say..that is my confession..do I want to be free? Yes and No.that is also true:S

Healing is beautiful.. how many that are healed are joyous.. jumping around.. and praising GOD.. freed from their infirmities.. thankful.. etc..

I don't think all give out after being healed.. otherwise we would have a great deal more posting here..

Brother.. I know you want to be healed otherwise you wouldn't be here because I know you don't come back just for me.... praise GOD for that that you are persistant and your faith will heal you.. You give me hope.. how long have I been here ministering.. and you have been here along with me.. That is awesome.. I have the biggest smile brother.. such joy in my heart.. you are getting there.. Halleujah..

Thank you brother..

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hmm my post didnt get posted..oh well..i cant write it all out again..there was to much

sigh..please dont pertain to know what I want or dont want..I come here for a small hope to know if i should pack my bags and get out or should I stay and 0.01 percent somewhere one day

the problem I have is whatever I do..read the bible..pray come here listen to others.I still see what I see in God? and you wonder why I cant trust or have hope..have hope in what? what kind of goodness to hope for..so many say so many things..bible says so many things.I dont get any good hope for myself to have in..all I get from the bible and all..is to sit back take it.and hope some good comes out of it..but not really good at all..I tell you no one wants a God that way

Believers.have a way to put a word on everything but not give the person a direct answer to their problem..same with all of Christianity...its like this: You walk by a sick or someone needed help desparately..ive come to learn..we Christians..dont directly help that person ..we stand there..stare at them..give them a word that doesnt help them but just covers enough of their questions..we dont heal them.but pray that one day God will make them better..or say this could be allowed or used for glory..THIS IS WHAT YOU ALL SAY..one day..and we or you walk by that man..leaving him as he is..hes suppose to smile..take it.and live his life..still the way you left him..this is what i get.when i come here.when i read the bible..when see or hear believers in Christ..and you call that good? and loving?

I see people and wonder? is this good.they are sick and hurting...we sit here and hope one day we get better..while we continue to hurt.we are told..patience and no one helps..God will help us one day..I wonder what would a sick person say if a doctor did that to one of his patients in a hospital?

I keep coming back hoping.but I am not seeing..all I see is a mere cookie cutter way to not address what many others and myself are looking for..real hope for the good of the person.their good..not a cookie cutter way to say GOD GOD GOD..let leave that person there still in pain..

tell me my dreams and hopes dont matter..that this pain is allowed for God's glory..no more getting around it tell me plainly..or GTFO..i have no problem..packing my bags and giving the finger to God and the like and leaving..im not staying for mere hope in nothingness that i keep seeing in God..hope in what? love or goodness.[wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] that mean when people call good bad and back it up..no one know whats good or bad?

do you think im playing.its all emotions..I would have no problem leaving and getting myself banned...its time someone stood up..i dont plan to stay here suffereing and wandering what could be with your God..i know one day each of you will see how you treat peopel with goodness and love and see how much it hurts people to leave them with their hopes and dreams shattered in sake of Christianity..i thought we are suppose to help peopel.thats how God is..well which is He?

if we are suppose to be like Jesus..next person I walk by that needs help..ill say to them God bless..pray for them.and walk away..maybe one day..maybe one day they'll get help

Brother.. that is so wrong.. so very very wrong.. you are saying someone walking past someone.. how long have I been coming here to help you?? So maybe yes I don't say what you want to hear and you may not be helped as you think you should.. but you cannot say I am walking by without caring and then lump all the believers together like that.. I am a believer in GOD and I have been here talking to you.. posting things to you.. chatting with you.. for years..

Elijah 2 is here and has been here helping you.. he is another person who is not simply walking by.. and I know other here have tried to help you..

__________________

Peacechild, Elijah..yes its so wrong...your right..u must of misundestood me..nor did I mean to point the finger at you..thats not what I intended nor meant

im an honest person..always try to be..in fact you can say its a strength and a weakness..cause I can be brutally honest...sometimes I say to much

I know some think of me as a complainer, and ungrateful..I try to be very grateful for all the help I get..dont get me wrong..I care and thank you from my heart for what you guys have said..

Im going to be honest here..what I meant when I said things above..Im a sick person..chronically ill..I was very active before I mysterious woke up with two chronic illnesses..I came to God to get healed.period..from all I learned in the past years..about God Christianity the bible..what I said above is what I see..its not you nor people..please look beyond that..in fact if you take time to see it..Christianity through its beliefs..through its teachings and doctrines.though not all..ive come to see as it just waiting by..waiting..people are hurt and sick..we have a doctrine to help them wait..not get better..you must see this.its not as clear as day.but its there..Look I dont know God..thats apparent..but over the years..ive been lead to believe to just accept this illness..or just hope one day ill be healed..being taught.ya God wants to heal me..but so many different things.Ive read the bible myself..its like that for me.All I see.thats why I said the things above..because its like that..apparently for sick people and God..do you think I want to be sick? do you think i like waking up each day as a young man not being able to do normal activities? and being taught by believers to hold firm..maybe 20 years down the road Ill get better? you know what I mean saying..read the forums.books..look in the churches.the sick and hurting still there.years upon upon years go by..is that the God you worship.thats why i said the things above?

its true.its not about this life..but honestly..if its God..if its like this..then this is sick crap to believe in..thats why i said.i would do that to someone who needed help.because its not clear..but its happening today to people...

do you think i want to be sick hoping maybe one day maybe some good will happen to me..maybe ill get a trial..maybe ill be used for God's glory..maybe maybe this or that..whcih is it? there not different paths for one thing..who in the right mind..sick person or hurting person wants that?

I know alot dont understand me..but you know what..im sorry call me selfish ME ME ME..[wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] ever..I want to be better..but coming to God is the worst thing I've done.I hate being here..feeling that good things are bad.and feeling im always wrong..feeling that wanting to be better tomorrow is a sin..i cant change what I am meant to be.nor would I want to...im not sorry for saying things that are there.and what alot of people DO see..I call it out..im not going to get my heart shattered again for hoping in maybe some goodness from God one day..nor that "goodness' actually be a *&*(!! twisted thing that is called good for my "growth"..I guess Jesus parable of the father giving good gifts to his Children is **(&! up.. I guess its wrong to be human

but hey.I gues its all my fault..selfish proud aggrogant..[wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] ever

Well mate,

First off earlier you had said that you lost a great deal of stuff that you wrote when you went to post it.

Well mate, I prepare all my postings in WORD first, and then paste it over to CF so that if there is hiccup in the system, I won’t lose anything.

Many times I had got caught like that and lost everything that I had written using the CF reply box. Very frustrating mate!

Peacechild, Elijah..yes its so wrong...your right..u must of misundestood me..nor did I mean to point the finger at you..thats not what I intended nor meant
I know that mate, because you posted the other day on the SF/Charismatic and you spoke a lot of truth.

im an honest person..always try to be..in fact you can say its a strength and a weakness..cause I can be brutally honest...sometimes I say to much
Yep, we Aussies are brutally honest, we call a spade a spade!

I know some think of me as a complainer, and ungrateful..I try to be very grateful for all the help I get..dont get me wrong..I care and thank you from my heart for what you guys have said..
Mate, I’ve always found that when we are alone, we suffer from loneliness, and that caused many things.

Im going to be honest here..what I meant when I said things above..Im a sick person..chronically ill..I was very active before I mysterious woke up with two chronic illnesses..
Mate, since I returned from Vietnam in 1969, I’ve suffered from many illnesses, and today they are slowly taking toll, but I just keep going mate, and keep fighting a good fight of faith.

Yep, my illnesses are all labelled with a “syndrome” title. I look so well, but I do suffer much from my own illnesses. But, that’s life mate, that’s part and parcel of many things.

I came to God to get healed.period..from all I learned in the past years..about God Christianity the bible..
Mate, I may not be healed in the way that I requested, but I am doing my best to walk the talk.

What is suffer from can also be called chronic, but, I know why and how I am suffering, and that is part and parcel of my walk with our Lord Jesus Christ. The same as Job or Paul or whoever has suffered at the hands of the enemy.

We are strong, and yes our body is weak, but that doesn’t give us the right to be miserable.

We keep fighting, and STAND and WITHSTAND the onslaught of the enemy.

There is no QUICK FIX to being a believer or being healed.

FAITH is what keeps us all going.

Do you really believe that you are the only who is suffering?

what I said above is what I see..its not you nor people..please look beyond that..in fact if you take time to see it..Christianity through its beliefs..through its teachings and doctrines.
Mate, I don’t belong to Christianity, that is a religion, but I belong to HIS CHURCH, the CHURCH of our Lord Jesus Christ, whose Holy Spirit dwells in my spirit.

though not all..ive come to see as it just waiting by..waiting..people are hurt and sick..
Yes, that is so, there are many believers who are hurt and sick, and because of the falsehood and counterfeit the Body of Christ is weak and have no idea that many churches are like an emergency ward at the local hospital. Blood and gust everywhere.

we have a doctrine to help them wait..not get better..
Mate, that doctrine has been placed into churches through false teaching and infiltration of those churches by the enemy.

you must see this.its not as clear as day.but its there..Look I dont know God..thats apparent..but over the years..ive been lead to believe to just accept this illness..or just hope one day ill be healed..being taught.ya God wants to heal me..
Mate, of course he wants to heal you and me, but the teachings that are round today, are dead and lukewarm, and have no authority whatsoever. Many talk the talk, but don’t walk the talk.

I suggested to you a month ago of a ministry, but sadly they were too far away from where you live, but I can assure that they would help you, to bring you to a better understand that others do love each other as our Lord Jesus Christ loves us.

but so many different things.Ive read the bible myself..its like that for me.All I see.thats why I said the things above..because its like that..apparently for sick people and God..do you think I want to be sick?
Yep, mate do the other million people want to be sick? NO mate, and nor do I, but we suffer in silence, and walk in faith, and pray as many blessings we can upon other brothers and sisters.

do you think i like waking up each day as a young man not being able to do normal activities?
Mate, nobody would wish that on anyone.

When you say, a young man---how young. And when you say normal activities, then how disabled are you?

and being taught by believers to hold firm..maybe 20 years down the road Ill get better?
The Body of Christ is suppose tend and feed His lambs and sheep.

you know what I mean saying..read the forums.books..look in the churches.the sick and hurting still there.years upon upon years go by..is that the God you worship.thats why i said the things above?
No, that is our Lord Jesus Christ at all, it’s the system that has been placed within the many churches through power and control, and deception and infiltration by the enemy.

Yes, many church are wayside, stony and thorny.

its true.its not about this life..but honestly..if its God..if its like this..then this is sick crap to believe in..thats why i said.i would do that to someone who needed help.because its not clear..but its happening today to people...
When another suffers we suffer as well, but in the process we also tend and feed.

do you think i want to be sick hoping maybe one day maybe some good will happen to me..maybe ill get a trial..maybe ill be used for God's glory..maybe maybe this or that..whcih is it? there not different paths for one thing..who in the right mind..sick person or hurting person wants that?
Well mate, I don’t want to be sick either, but I keep going, and don’t throw the towel in.

I know alot dont understand me..but you know what..im sorry call me selfish ME ME ME..[wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] ever..I want to be better..but coming to God is the worst thing I've done.I hate being here..feeling that good things are bad.and feeling im always wrong..feeling that wanting to be better tomorrow is a sin..i cant change what I am meant to be.nor would I want to...im not sorry for saying things that are there.and what alot of people DO see..I call it out..im not going to get my heart shattered again for hoping in maybe some goodness from God one day..nor that "goodness' actually be a *&*(!! twisted thing that is called good for my "growth"..I guess Jesus parable of the father giving good gifts to his Children is **(&! up.. I guess its wrong to be human
It’s sad mate, that there is no one who you can turn to, and there is no one who can help you nearby.

I could say, that if you lived anywhere near where I am, I can assure I would be calling in to say: G’day mate, how you going?”


Blessings

Hi Brother.. I love this preacher.. Jospeh Prince.. here is a ten minute clip of the message..

The Root Cause Of Your Problem Is Condemnation

Romans 8:1 - "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

"And Can It Be?" by Charles Wesley (last stanza)

No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in him, is mine!
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach the eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.

__________________

Hey..

im back..long time..lol

I have to confess..I threw out pretty much all of my christian stuff..i ripped my bible up..spat on it.and tossed it out

I cant see anything..I cant hear..I cant understand simple words..no matter what it is..my heart cant accept it.i cant accept whatever truth is..what or whatever it comes from.just goes in and out.not touching my heart..im always angry..i have no strength

its been so long several years....its been 3 years..since this major relapse in faith..I want the voices to stop.I want to go to sleep and not have dreams or visions...I want not to see the pretend Jesus or God in my sleep telling me things that sound good yet I wake up confused and feeling things that hurt me.. yet in my heart..sometimes I think its God.yet I cant find it as true or a lie..cause some part or my heart wants to obey God or honor him..

OCD or whatever..it makes me angry all the time..i feel so guilty..i try to do right every day.so that I dont have to try and fix it.I know im noy perfect.and its OCD..but i care..so i try my best..yet in my mind.it says Im not doing this right or that.or i didnt try..i cant tell truth from lie..whats i want or dont want..OCD

i try to stop trying..just let go and let things happen.yet i feel guilty..I feel some part down in me.it if dont do it right.itll come back on me.Ill have to go and confess and make up for it..so much..

whats good enough? i dont know that..nothing is good enough..to me.its all sin.and i been trying not to see it that way..

I know i need help..theres nothing around here in this small town in the Christian sense for councelling...I cant seem to settle in my heart what are lies that are from the past teachings..cause i cant remember..and it effects me today...I want to get help...but I dont want to share my heart with a christian councellor and then have all the to do lists and donts..im not ready for that..it would just put me in fear..with all the so called "wrongs" im doing..and put me back in perfectionism..as it just keeps doing..

I gotts get out of this small town and get help..i would serious hurt a christian councellor if they pushed me the wrong way or said something that hit a soft spot..
I swear at some people.i get so angry and irritated so easily..in al honestly..deep down..my heart says Ill be like God..and if i let it out.i act like I think of Him..perfectionism..unforgiving..mean..cruel..not kind and givining a stone not bread..I let it out and thats how i think God would act..or Jesus..so I act that way.and i know its not.but that comes from the heart.so I guess that what I truly think of God..I act like that..cause its the only way i know of God.and truly think..

Im trying to find truth..yet something always sets me back..I threw my bible away tore it up.spat on it.cursed God

have you ever felt so angry..I do..it just over takes me..sometimes i feel like satan is living through me..in my thoughts feelings and actions..like im not there.the things I speak.or when i get angry and curse God..the things that come out are pre meditated and sound so from the Devil..like another voice how it comes out is so evil and orgranized and spoke in a way that i think hurts God in areas...yet i let it..cause sometimes i agree.and speak it..cause i feel i want to hurt God..cause I hurt and some of me thinks GOd is in it somehow..cause of twisted and weird doctrine

I watched the video peacechild thanks..

whenever i try to come close to Jesus..like i did a couple of days ago.I ask God.or whatever.i feel or sense from God.a wave of confusion..a fear comes over my mind.i get anxiety attacks and a urge to be perfect.and it causes me to get panic attacks..so i get angry and walk away.if that makes sense

sometimes something tries to talk from my mouth and certain things come up..not sure if devil.sometimes i knwo it is.other times not sure if Holy Spirit..it causes me pain.i dont know what to think

I read this thread i reread it from all you guys said..my heart is not in for obeying Jesus..cause even before I meet him..something from my history and from what happened since I was a christian..Jesus is like a monster to me..thats in my heart..and i dont want to obey....honest truth confession..I am terrified of Christ.so much so i hate him more then anything so deeply and much..and the words of the bible just dont hit me..or seem good..please dont condemn me when i confess this.i didnt ask for this.it was before i was a christian and even when i was..when i picture jesus..satan comes to mind.why is that??? why is that??? this bothers me..i remember this picture i saw of Jesus that flashed through my mind one night while at church.it was Jesus.but with horns and fire came from his mouth.i didnt know what to think..but i guess i know now

I really am alone where I live..no other believers..my health fails..certain things at my job bother me to question should I be there.yet I have to survive..i cant just quit on "urges" or things I am not sure of...cause i would be homeless..I am starting slowly to look other places..my health really fails me.so much.i might not be able to work in much places.

sigh..where do I go for councelling or help...of even if I truly want too..Ive said to God quite seriously not to touch me..or touch my heart feelings or mind.cause i feel raped controlled and manipluated by Him..I feel this way whenever I come close to God..

Ive told him to not change my heart.to leave me alone..cause of false teachings..im so confused

it sounds so easy when i say it..yet its not..at times it lines up to the word of God.yet why am I feelings controled and manipluated and fear.if it lines up to Gods word..sigh