simple prayer needed before i hurt myself

Hi,

I’m an 18 yr old, I know I’m pretty smart, I’m a self taught computer geek and a Microsoft Certified Technology Specialist, I also spent sometime teaching programming at a computer institute and everything I know I learnt on my own. However, programming is the only thing i can study, when it comes to school, I’m terrible. We’ve had family problems since I was a pre teen, they’ve just been escalating since then and my academics have been taking a steep slope down. Last year, my schizophrenic father got violent with my mum and now they don’t speak to each other at home anymore, also, since my dad is a pastor, my parents cannot separate. I finally landed rock bottom by failing my 12th grade! I failed miserably in four out of six subjects, I have to give a re exam now by March and I fear I the same thing will happen again.

Problem is I cannot pay attention to anything I’m studying for more than 2 minutes. My mind wanders off so incredibly fast, I think of just something random associated oddly to something I might see or hear, then I jump from one thought to another, it’s like my brain is over firing any neural network that’s lit up. Example: Hey an airplane in the sky-> reminds me of Top Gun->Tom cruise is a great actor->He’s has a kid right-> What would my kids be like when I grow up-> Oh I would want a big house in the suburbs ->……….

And the madness goes on, after 5-10 mins I realize I was dreaming, I then wonder how I landed on such an elaborate thought, then my mind fires again back tracing everything I just thought, I cannot stay attentive for even 2 mins. And I cannot study a THING! It takes hours to read pages!

I’ve tried, praying hard, really hard,(yesterday I prayed every few minutes), reading the bible, reading the bible in French and English (I have a French exam) listening to music while studying, studying with breaks, study at odd times, polyphasic sleep, harsh exercise, self injury, try to “like what I read”, reading books on how to read, reading tips like “open your mind” or count downward while reading! Nothing works, and I’m beginning to think I have a mental disease!

My faith has been shaken completely because however i try to persevere, i fall down. I'm also afraid i might be bipolar but i'm not sure, i feel enraged when things go wrong, i automatically feel depressed/covered in jealousy when i see people with friends, i have no friends or company myself, i always think people hate me no matter what and a lot of times people take advantage of me, as a result I feel this pain that i want to feel physically so i always want to hurt myself, i usually cut my wrist.

I cannot get other books, researching on my subjects don’t help they waste time because our system here is 1. Cramp in Head from specific books 2. Vomit all on exam sheet. It’s a state funded system which I, like a idiot, chose to move to after doing 10th grade in a costly private school. Also, I cannot move to another school/system or get any other equivalent qualification.

I'm really in tears begging here Please Pray for me!!!

Gideon

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For he shall give his Angels charge over thee to keep thee in all thy ways, they shall bear thee up in their hands lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

Praying for you as well as your mother and father in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank You Lord for listening to this prayer!

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"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord. Thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Have you considered going to a doctor and finding out if you have an attention disorder or something similar? If you got a diagnosis you could possibly get pills that would help your brain "slow down" a little bit. Just a suggestion though!

Praying for you!

Praying.

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Lord, make me an instrument of your peace on this forum. Where there is hatred, grant that I may sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is discord, unity; where there is doubt, faith; where there is error, Your truth and not my personal opinion; where there is despair, hope; where there is sadness, joy; where there is darkness, light. O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled by people here as to console them; to be understood by them, as to understand them; to be loved by them, as to love them: For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Originally Posted by Onlythingavailable

Have you considered going to a doctor and finding out if you have an attention disorder or something similar? If you got a diagnosis you could possibly get pills that would help your brain "slow down" a little bit. Just a suggestion though!

Praying for you!

Good idea. I was thinking that myself. I stand with everyone here in prayer, too. I pray for Gideon that he may rely on the Lord to help him find the solutions to all his problems. I pray that You draw Gideon closer to you, Lord, and that he may feel your healing and loving touch. Amen.

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Barty the CF angel!

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Romans 12:2, Deuteronomy 6:4

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Jesus said to him, “Go your way. Your faith has made you well.” Immediately he received his sight, and followed Jesus in the way.
Mark 10:52

Praying for you and your family brother. God bless

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This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.

~ Psalm 118:24
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I agree with the suggestion, and in prayer.


Michael

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"The glory of God is a human being fully alive." St. Irenaeus

I'm scared of going to a doctor actually, because, my school counselor, like most people, suggest that i stop whining and pull my socks up, but i think i've honestly tried everything but my brain won't pull through. My college counselor is better but he's much more busy and i go to him only for specific things like when my parents couldn't manage our household money and i had to come up with a home budget =S

Somehow, I'm afraid of both situations, if the doctor says I do or don't have a real problem. Also, i'm not sure if my parents will pay for any of this, but i thought of asking my mum if i can visit one of the doctors in her company(which is free), i'm not sure however.

Thanks so much.

Gideon

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For he shall give his Angels charge over thee to keep thee in all thy ways, they shall bear thee up in their hands lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

I'm not a doctor, but it doesn't sound like you are being lazy by a long shot. Ask your mom, I don't think you will lose anything if you do go to a doctor.

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All God's Blessings.
Chosenpath


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2 Samuel 22:17
“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters".