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  #1  
Old 16th December 2008, 08:49 AM
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When are you ready to get engaged? married?

How do you know when you're ready to get engaged? married?

How do you know when it's too soon?

Jonathan
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  #2  
Old 16th December 2008, 09:57 AM
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Subscribing.

For engagement I would say after at least six months of dating or knowing each other. If you haven't even known each other for six months that's too soon, in my opinion.

Before you get engaged the two of you should have done some talking about marriage, too, obviously. Hopefully quite a bit of talking about it. I think it would be smarter to talk extensively about marriage and the possible issues that can come up way before investing in ring or before you start planning a wedding.

And it should be when you are both feeling very sure that you want to marry each other. (You ever see people who seem more excited about the idea of getting married than they are excited about the person they are marrying?)

For marriage I would say when you can handle it financially, emotionally, etc.

Not everything has to be perfect first... if people waited for all their ducks to be in a row and for everything to be perfect then no one would ever get married. But obviously there are some things it would be smart to wait and have in order before marriage... like a place to live for example.
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  #3  
Old 16th December 2008, 10:08 AM
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Originally Posted by maycontainnuts View Post
Subscribing.

For engagement I would say after at least six months of dating or knowing each other. If you haven't even known each other for six months that's too soon, in my opinion.

Before you get engaged the two of you should have done some talking about marriage, too, obviously. Hopefully quite a bit of talking about it. I think it would be smarter to talk extensively about marriage and the possible issues that can come up way before investing in ring or before you start planning a wedding.

And it should be when you are both feeling very sure that you want to marry each other. (You ever see people who seem more excited about the idea of getting married than they are excited about the person they are marrying?)

For marriage I would say when you can handle it financially, emotionally, etc.

Not everything has to be perfect first... if people waited for all their ducks to be in a row and for everything to be perfect then no one would ever get married. But obviously there are some things it would be smart to wait and have in order before marriage... like a place to live for example.
I agree as a guy with this but I also think deep down inside you also know when you're ready, it just feels right. Love can take time to develop and in some it can take longer.
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  #4  
Old 16th December 2008, 02:56 PM
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There are several things to prepare for before you get married. You need to make sure you're ready financially, mentally, and spiritually. It's a permanent decision you make, so preparing yourself is a must. I also highly recommend marriage counseling which will bring issues to front that you don't consider yourself usually.
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  #5  
Old 16th December 2008, 05:14 PM
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I'm not sure, I think each persons maturity plays into it in a big way. Some people get married relatively soon cause they not only know they are in love, but they grasp the whole concept of marriage. They're not just thinking of the short term, but they're looking years and years down the road and considering the fact that there will be hardships and rough patches along the way - that's just the reality of it. But if they're willing to pledge themselves to the Lord and each other knowing full well they'll face difficult times together (for better or for worse) and desire to stand by one another in the midst of these hardships, then my opinion is they are pretty well prepared.

However, if a person simply thinks idealistically about marriage (as in, they only ever think of the wedding or the honeymoon but never beyond that...never beyond the "pretty scenes" in a marriage) then they need to hold off.

That's just my opinion, and my thoughts are still processing on the question somewhat, hehe.
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  #6  
Old 16th December 2008, 05:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Slanky08 View Post
But if they're willing to pledge themselves to the Lord and each other knowing full well they'll face difficult times together (for better or for worse) and desire to stand by one another in the midst of these hardships, then my opinion is they are pretty well prepared.

However, if a person simply thinks idealistically about marriage (as in, they only ever think of the wedding or the honeymoon but never beyond that...never beyond the "pretty scenes" in a marriage) then they need to hold off.
Hmmmm, we're perhaps older than some of y'all, we've each been married once before, we've talked a lot about the hard times, and finances, and how to deal with kids, and retirement, and all that. Much more than we've talked about the wedding and the honeymoon, we're going to have to flesh in some details on those things if we decide to get married ;->

Jonathan
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  #7  
Old 17th December 2008, 10:28 PM
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well, I'll be engaged in a month or so, and I believe that puts the entire relationship at about year and a half or two.

The marriage itself will be nearer graduation from uni and once the whole work thing is sorted which being a non national is allittle bit tricky in the paper work but we have been looking at the options for a while now. As to planning for the future, I think the wedding and honeymoon are the only thing we don't talk about. kids, finances and general what we want to do with our lives together is about all we discuss.
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Old 17th December 2008, 10:30 PM
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  #9  
Old 20th December 2008, 04:03 PM
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I'm reading the book "Boy Meets Girl" by Joshua Harris right now; it's a book about courting. Some guidelines the book gave about knowing when you're ready to court are that if you're doing it because it's godly and right and with lots of wisdom, not out of impatience. That's kind of vague, but basically you just need to be in a lot of prayer about it and be pursuing a wife for the right reasons, because it will help you to serve God better. If you're pursuing a wife simply out of an impatient desire to be married or for sexual reasons then you aren't ready to be a godly husband. It's not wrong to desire marriage but you need to be sure that your motives are pure.

I'm not an expert or anything but that's what I got out of the book so far. I actually really recommend it; it's great for answering a lot of questions in that area.
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Old 21st December 2008, 02:37 PM
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Originally Posted by HollyDoris View Post
I'm reading the book "Boy Meets Girl" by Joshua Harris right now; it's a book about courting. Some guidelines the book gave about knowing when you're ready to court are that if you're doing it because it's godly and right and with lots of wisdom, not out of impatience. That's kind of vague, but basically you just need to be in a lot of prayer about it and be pursuing a wife for the right reasons, because it will help you to serve God better. If you're pursuing a wife simply out of an impatient desire to be married or for sexual reasons then you aren't ready to be a godly husband. It's not wrong to desire marriage but you need to be sure that your motives are pure.

I'm not an expert or anything but that's what I got out of the book so far. I actually really recommend it; it's great for answering a lot of questions in that area.
My boyfriend and I started that book and our committment faded from it a bit for a while and we started up prayer together again. But you made me realize how awesome it would be now that we are closer, praying, and reading that book together again.

It is a really good book.
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