Abducted and Subjected to Abuse

A little over a week ago i got held hostage against my will for about eleven hours by four people -- one male (the main perpetrator) and three females who acted as his accomplices. During this time the male in question repeatedly "mind-raped" me, meaning, he shouted, hollered and screamed abusively (berating, barraging, haranguing, continually hostile and confrontational, trying to order me around like a dog, no words can describe how perfectly horrid the whole thing was) causing mental and emotional anguish and trauma. Spent nearly the entire time there fearing for my life because of stories previously read or heard concerning such scenarios, but thankfully it did not come to physical blows, strangulation, suffocation, or any other type of GBH.

About 2 hours before they let me go they forced me, against my will, to sign a document stating i'd consented to this and i would not hold them responsible, etc. i didnt want to sign but i feared they would never let me go unless or until i did.

Should i go to the police about this? they lured me on false pretenses and took me across state lines without asking me first whether i wanted to travel that far or not. But i'm embarrassed to talk to the police because of the details of the situation. it would be so easy to tell the police these were insane, idiotic, crazed superstitious fanatics who believed that by holding me hostage, screaming at me for hours, and thereby subjecting me to repeated mental and emotional anguish and trauma (including babbling nonsense sounds loudly in my face and trying to force me to cough and/or vomit) they could "cast out demons". because that's what they apparently thought they were accomplishing, believe it or not.

unfortunately, then i would also have to admit that the reason i even went to meet them at all in the first place had been to get acquainted with their understanding, beliefs, methods and approaches to such matters, in order to see if they would be safe to trust in that capacity (as people to pray for me for spiritual problems of this unpleasant nature). apparently they decided i should have no say in such a matter and unfortunately rather than doing me any good at all they did grave harm to the point where i want nothing to do with God or Christianity any more for the rest of my life and if that means dying in this condition so be it. in other words, they proved decidedly incompetent and hideously unsafe. in fact, you could not have put together a more idiotic situation if you had deliberately hand-picked the worst of the worst and instructed them to enact every last stupid, wrong, damaging, hurtful, insane, idiotic and archaic notion about such things floating around out there in the detritus of the internet's spiritual sewers.

be that as it may, my own sanity (and thus credibility) will likely be called into question as well, as they will likely claim i solicited their "help". quite the opposite in fact, i repeatedly told them i didn't want it and when this horrible warty little toad of a man demanded to know why i'd sent so many "desperate sounding" emails to my friend asking for prayer, etc. i told him i did want and need spiritual help -- but not from the likes of him!! but there's no avoiding the damage thinking oneself in need of that type of ministry at all will do to one's credibility, especially in a secular milieu in one of the wealthier and more sophisticated counties in the nation.

so the real question is whether there's a way to go to the police about this to ensure that i will not, like a rape victim, get ripped to shreds on the witness stand. i was the victim here, and there's no excuse for getting treated that way for pursuing your rightful justice, but we all know it happens. i just know i won't survive something like that after everything i've been through. and it does not help that as a result of this incident i'm currently in the process of what they call "deconverting" and would just rather distance myself from the whole sorry mess at this point rather than get stuck having to explain a POV i'm leaving behind and why my perspective on life is as different now as day from night, on top of it all.

advice would be welcome, but i don't trust people when they try to "get inside" or get too close anymore, so please, for both our sakes, don't try to go there, especially if you don't know me IRL. thanks.

p.s. if you have discussed this situation with me on another board or through another medium already, don't feel obligated to respond. i'm looking for diverse input from a wide variety of folk and trying to make up my mind before it's too late to do anything about this.

Someone wrote this in another thread:

That's pretty much what's got the hang up inside right now -- feeling humiliated by all this. Embarrassed. Downright STUPID. As if one should know better than to think others can be sane and rational with their approach to a subject considered "kooky" and nuts in general. But i figured i'd simply chat them up, suss out whether they happened to be sane and smart or happened to be kooks fed on blather, superstition, and misinformation -- and of course if they turned out to be the latter, tell them thanks for the chat and God bless and start looking elsewhere. Seriously never anticipated being ambushed, violated and abused like that.

No wisdom to offer, but a lot of prayers.
It wasn't God, sweetie, and you are very loved.

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well, that's the problem, isn't it. the whole business of the "body of christ" ruled by one head apparently very conveniently becomes disposable fiction when it involves someone being abused. it wasn't god. don't blame god. never mind what horrible abuses and crimes get done to you, just don't blame god. what about me? i never asked for any of this. i didn't ask to suffer this way in life and i certainly didn't ask to get held hostage and abused as punishment for seeking spiritual help and counsel. the only difference between what these people did to me and what many have already done purely online or over the telephone is that being in person they had the ability to do it so much worse and so much more.

so tell me, Criada, or anyone, really, where exactly is god in all of this crap? when people who seem to be completely invested in nothing but your welfare, your health and healing and wholeness, who fast and pray for you, spend HOURS in email and phone calls getting to know you, offering you comfort, hope, prayers, etc., who seek god on their faces for you begging him to intervene and bring together others locally who can help you in person -- and this is the best he can do??? -- send a band of brigands and thugs to try to strip you down and rip you to shreds and assault you emotionally and spiritually over and over again??? -- instead of rescuing you from the clutches of the enemy and helping you sort out the internal spiritual messes that leave you wide open and vulnerable to him?? in this case, god has BECOME the enemy, and he bears sole responsibility for making himself such!! how can you not see that? his face to me now will forever be the face of the abuser. sure i had doubts before, yes, and misgivings and suspicions in that direction, but this entire incident has confirmed them all. this whole situation that went horribly awry had been bathed and marinated in prayer, unless you want to contend that everyone, even those who spent hours and hours (why would they spend so much time if insincere???) with me, meant to deceive me from the start???
and frankly, i don't mind saying up front that if you people end up erasing this post and citing me a violation for supposedly "bashing god" that will just confirm he does indeed have it in mind to cover this all up as part of even more lying propaganda in his ongoing campaign to destroy me.

but i didn't come here to discuss my spiritual pains and struggles because frankly, i'm done sharing those. i'm done discussing those. i've given up hope of ever finding the resolution scripture promises and i'm done with ever darkening the doorstep of another church or group or even individual christian with those ever again. from now on they remain my secret, my dark, dirty little secret, my private hell and torment to live with as best i can. i came here basically to hopefully get some insight from others, preferably cops, lawyers, or those who have gone through the process of pressing criminal charges before, what can i expect and how can i navigate some really slippery ropes full of barbed wire spikes without getting myself impaled mercilessly.

by the way sorry if i sound snappish at you. it's not intentional. i'm stressed, in pain, frustrated, angry, distrusting, and in general volatile in ways i didn't think possible for myself. i appreciate your effort to be kind and supportive, and may the god who clearly does not exist at all -- as opposed to the only one you'll find if you go looking for him -- bless you for it. so to speak.

Tonight i finally got up the nerve to talk to my 'betrothed' about what had happened. don't know why i'd been so afraid of telling him, mainly because i didn't want to stress him out, i guess. he's been under a lot of pressure at work lately. anyway he was naturally very concerned for me, very angry at those who did this to me, very supportive and loving toward me, and he encouraged me to take it to the police.

Tomorrow i have to come up with more nerve and go do that, i guess.

i would say pray for me, but after going through this i no longer believe anyone i would want to be hearing such prayers actually really exists. and the one that really does exist, i don't trust. these are HIS servants after all. he will certainly protect them and their interests and take every opportunity to turn this, too, against me, to hurt me and make me sorry i ever tried. but i can't stand the thought of others out there, needy, hurting and vulnerable spiritually and emotionally, who either wrestle with these kinds of difficulties in their lives or are so distraught and confused that it at least FEELS to them like they grapple with raw evil in their lives, who might go forth seeking help only to be abused and terrorized like this for their troubles, as if it isn't absolutely unbelievably painful and difficult enough as it is to try to open up such dark, private, embarrassing, personal places of oneself to others in the first place that we have to guard against such heinous and unconscionable, inexcusable garbage being done to us. the next one might not be as strong, as resilient, as insightful, or as intelligent as me -- not bragging, but fact. the next one might be someone who isn't a veteran of others' ignorance and ineptitude and might have their lives destroyed by something like this if they were to turn to these people. for the sake of others who suffer, people like this MUST be stopped.

and like it or not, it seems to have fallen up to me to at least try to stop them. so if playing the hero in my head is the only way i can cope with this rotten hand dealt to me and get done what i need to get done, then so be it. i'm not too proud to resort to that if it helps me avoid shrinking back from personal fears.

(((((((hug))))))))
I am glad you are going to do this.
Thinking of you, my dear.

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it hasn't been lost on me that you're the only one bothering to respond, Criada.
apparently you didn't get the memo everyone else in the universe got.

Great support section y'all got here ....





.... not.

well since i'm talking to myself here ....

tonight when i went out to get groceries i thought of a wonderful way to get a little revenge. harmless revenge of course -- nothing that would actually harm anyone, just embarrass them a little and make them think. see, there's this church in town where the person responsible for getting me into this situation happens to attend. they do this prayer-room thing on saturdays there which is open to the public (i.e. non-members) and she's been known to lead out on that on occasion.

never been there before myself, but it suddenly occurred to me to pick a saturday when she's leading there (if i'm able to find this out ahead of time) and show up, and ask for prayer because i've been traumatized from being abducted, unlawfully held against my will, and abused for hours on end. boy would I love to see the look on her face if I did that.

Unfortunately no, I don't think there is a way to get around being interrogated at the witness stand I can only imagine how tough it must be for the victims to have to retell all of that and be questioned and manipulated by lawyers. But while you are the victim, the criminals still have a right to a trial if you accuse them. On that note, I would still encourage you to tell the police and try to get those people convicted. What they did was horrible. Even if they don't get sentenced from it, they will at least walk away knowing that they aren't invincible, their victims have a voice that will be listened to.

I will of course be praying for you.

And I apologize for the site's slowness at the moment. Most of our members are American, so the majority of the site members sleeps about this time

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