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  #1  
Unread 2nd December 2008, 08:23 PM
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Does God want us to love ourselves?

Would appreciate the feedback. Unfortunately, I had neglectful parents who suffered from true mental health issues, have no extended family, and a pretty emotionally abusive husband. I have come to terms with all of the above, and accepted it as life. I have moved on, and have a wide range of interests, and I enjoy the love of my children as well.

Unfortunately, one thing that I have is, the deep belief that I am one who in life will not be loved, and I have great difficulty feeling like I am worth anything. In abstract I know God loves me, but in real life it is not something I believe deep down in my soul.

Is this something that God holds to be less than what he wants for us? The only one I am affecting is me. I have no trouble loving others. Its me I have trouble with, I can only assume that having unloving parents and spouse has fundamentally affected me.

Does God care if I care about myself, or is it is a non issue?

I should add that I could be treated for depression, but the true issue I think is living with an abusive spouse, and I can't fix that, short of drastic measures (have three small children and I think of them the most).
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  #2  
Unread 2nd December 2008, 09:33 PM
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God loves us and YES He wants us to love ourselves..we must view ourselves as highly as God views us..because we were paid with a cost...we worth Son's life..think about it...you are so precious that you were worth God's life...God wants us to have high self-esteem...He wants us to look good and take care of ourself because we are the living temple of God..and anyone that will tell you that is not so..well they dont have your best interest at heart..

I was in an abusive relationship emotional as well however that person was just my boyfriend...so we might be able to relate on some levels however I never struggled with low self-esteem it was just that I was so sure of the signs of physical abuse I didnt know what emotional abuse was as ...I thought my ex was just trying to be super macho with his jealousy and commanding ways...but I broke it off and its the best decision I made in my life..he has a problem and hes crazy and idk how i would have ever even married him and had children with ...let alone if I would have even been able to carry a pregnancy to full term because of the stress of the relationship...but I will tell you this...God does not want you to be hurt or abused...we are not victims ....so we dont have to stay...never...and it will effect your children...emotinal abuse eventually leads to physical abuse so its something to weigh out....i ask you to ask yourself this question..this migh help you to answer if its time for you to leave...." can i ask my husband or address how he makes me feel bad...without him hurting me...getting angry or retaliating aganist me...?"
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Unread 2nd December 2008, 09:46 PM
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Originally Posted by mistyrose View Post
Would appreciate the feedback. Unfortunately, I had neglectful parents who suffered from true mental health issues, have no extended family, and a pretty emotionally abusive husband. I have come to terms with all of the above, and accepted it as life. I have moved on, and have a wide range of interests, and I enjoy the love of my children as well.

Unfortunately, one thing that I have is, the deep belief that I am one who in life will not be loved, and I have great difficulty feeling like I am worth anything. In abstract I know God loves me, but in real life it is not something I believe deep down in my soul.

Is this something that God holds to be less than what he wants for us? The only one I am affecting is me. I have no trouble loving others. Its me I have trouble with, I can only assume that having unloving parents and spouse has fundamentally affected me.

Does God care if I care about myself, or is it is a non issue?

I should add that I could be treated for depression, but the true issue I think is living with an abusive spouse, and I can't fix that, short of drastic measures (have three small children and I think of them the most).
God can work through all of that, but explain this Bible verse to me...

How can you love, if you don't first love yourself?

Romans 12
So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

This is my advice, through this verse entirely, if you want to begin in the right direction of finding love for yourself again.
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Unread 2nd December 2008, 11:38 PM
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Originally Posted by mistyrose View Post
Would appreciate the feedback. Unfortunately, I had neglectful parents who suffered from true mental health issues, have no extended family, and a pretty emotionally abusive husband. I have come to terms with all of the above, and accepted it as life. I have moved on, and have a wide range of interests, and I enjoy the love of my children as well.

Unfortunately, one thing that I have is, the deep belief that I am one who in life will not be loved, and I have great difficulty feeling like I am worth anything. In abstract I know God loves me, but in real life it is not something I believe deep down in my soul.

Is this something that God holds to be less than what he wants for us? The only one I am affecting is me. I have no trouble loving others. Its me I have trouble with, I can only assume that having unloving parents and spouse has fundamentally affected me.

Does God care if I care about myself, or is it is a non issue?

I should add that I could be treated for depression, but the true issue I think is living with an abusive spouse, and I can't fix that, short of drastic measures (have three small children and I think of them the most).


First thing first!

" I should add that I could be treated for depression "


If you noticed I flagged this quote in red. Reason is, that it is the MOST important issue that needs to be addressed and resolved.


To understand mental illness is to understand there is no understanding. Reason cannot aline itself with unreasoning. At best the doctors that specialize in mental disorders can treat the cause of the illness without ever understanding the reasoning of the patient.


You really need to see the doctor and get this under control.( I had to do the very same.) Then you will be in a position to clearly deal with others, including husband, as this problem in itself can create or be the cause of your feelings. You are married and have two children by this man, so at one time the feelings must have been different.


I find I can go no further without this issue being addressed.


The MOST important thought you need to keep thinking about is the EXTREAM LOVE that our CREATOR has for you. GOD even sent HIS SON to suffer EXTREAM PAIN, HUMILIATION, and DEATH just so you could be SAVED from a life without GOD. You must understand that love as you have 2 children. So concentrate on this while you see the doctor and hopefully after will find a different understanding of your husband's feelings.

If after treatment you find the same to still be true, we will address that. GOD won't leave you alone without LOVE.



ALWAYS REMEMBER:

JESUS IS RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE AT!!! EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T SEE HIM!!!

( left click and hold over the above to see your personal message )
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Unread 3rd December 2008, 12:10 AM
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"this is what i want to say to you, if i had one chance to speak to your heart- you are loved more than you could ever know."
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  #6  
Unread 3rd December 2008, 12:24 AM
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Hun, I am not a psychologist, nor do I play one on TV... but I believe the reason you chose an abusive husband is because you came from abusive parents, and it's what you were accustomed to. And unless you CHANGE the programming in your home, the same programming will continue in the homes your children will create. Do you want your sons to abuse their wives? Do you want your daughters picking abusive husbands/boyfriends? All the talk in the world will not change ANYTHING --- you must change the ACTION in your home. NO MORE ABUSE! Children follow what you DO far more than what you SAY.

Get some help... if you can't find enough love for yourself to do it, do it for the love of your children. In finding that help, you will learn how to love yourself.
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Unread 3rd December 2008, 02:11 PM
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Originally Posted by mistyrose View Post
Would appreciate the feedback. Unfortunately, I had neglectful parents who suffered from true mental health issues, have no extended family, and a pretty emotionally abusive husband. I have come to terms with all of the above, and accepted it as life. I have moved on, and have a wide range of interests, and I enjoy the love of my children as well.

Unfortunately, one thing that I have is, the deep belief that I am one who in life will not be loved, and I have great difficulty feeling like I am worth anything. In abstract I know God loves me, but in real life it is not something I believe deep down in my soul.

Is this something that God holds to be less than what he wants for us? The only one I am affecting is me. I have no trouble loving others. Its me I have trouble with, I can only assume that having unloving parents and spouse has fundamentally affected me.

Does God care if I care about myself, or is it is a non issue?

I should add that I could be treated for depression, but the true issue I think is living with an abusive spouse, and I can't fix that, short of drastic measures (have three small children and I think of them the most).

It's true that we carry things from childhood into adulthood. Everyone does it whether they will admit to it or not. God always knows where you are at mentally, physically, in your heart and mind it's no secret. I believe he works with us to build the part that is weak. What you use to accept you maynot accept now it's a process. Don't beat yourself up or double punish yourself. What your parents did you - made it through and you know it wasn't right.. So you won. I know now looking back that God will move a person when they are not right. Trust in God more I know its hard sometime.. demonstrating faith is hard sometimes but, the reward is great! Do love yourself because you have children that depend on you. If you can't do it for you then do it for your children- they need you. As you get stronger you won't allow certain things. Also too have a plan- give God something to work with. Sometimes God gives us things no action is required. Sometimes we have to get up in order for God to do what he is going to do. Sometimes we have to wait on the Lord. Stay Blessed!

All The Glory Belongs To God!
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Unread 3rd December 2008, 05:39 PM
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Misty, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, and I hope that God will help you through them.

I have struggled with this same issue: am I supposed to love myself? I think that the answer is yes. I came across this little bit of writing a while back by R.C. Sproul, and it really helped me to work through these things.

"The Bible commands us to love ourselves when it says, "Love your neighbors as yourself" (Leviticus 19:18; Matthew 19:19). The command says as much about self-love as it says about loving others. We might assume that all people love themselves, but the Bible implies that we do not love ourselves at all.

What does it mean to love yourself? Because you are the image of God, to love yourself means to love God. Those who hate God hate themselves for the same reason. Also, because other people are made in God's image, to love yourself is to love them. This is especially true when it comes to those God has put close to us. Paul writes: "He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church" (Ephesians 5:28b-29). Of course, those we call "masochists" do hate their own bodies, and in one way or another, everyone outside of Christ hates himself.

The Bible appeals to self-love. Jesus asked, "What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" (Matthew 16:26). Here is an exhortation to repent grounded in enlightened self-interest. If we really loved ourselves, we would repent, put our trust in Christ, and save ourselves; but we don't do that, showing again that we really hate ourselves. Apart from God's intervening grace, people do not act out of enlightened self-interest.

Humanity's love of death (Proverbs 8:36) and hatred of itself is concealed in what is perversely called "self-love." As Christians we can call this counterfeit self-love "selfish love." Selfish love is self-centered, quick to resent other people, and grounded in rebellion against God. True self-love, by way of contrast, is grounded in love for God and embraces sacrificial love for other people. God is the Maker of the self, and the obligation to nurture and protect ourselves is a Divine mandate. Apart from God, however, people work to destroy themselves, because they hate the image of God and seek to deface it."


It also helped me greatly when I came to the realization that I am worth nothing to God apart from Christ. Another way to put this is that God does not need me. He does not love me because I am worthy of His love. God loves me because He is love. God's love is only conditional upon His own goodness, and for this reason His love can never fail. Through faith in Christ, I have put on Christ, and God now sees me as His perfect and righteous son.

I hope that this helps you in some way. I truly hope that God will reveal His boundless love to you, and that you will experience it and cling to it.

Grace and peace in Christ
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Unread 4th December 2008, 02:33 PM
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I think I have been telling myself that I am nothing to anybody so long that I believe it, have come to terms with it, and run my life despite it. It does make me wonder though if this is the right thing to believe. I know that it is not the best way to think, but on the other hand I do live a productive life, and I do live up to my responsabilities. Its just like long ago I came to the conclusion that for some reason this was my life and I just had to learn to adapt around it.
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Unread 4th December 2008, 02:53 PM
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Hi Misty

God calls us precious to him. If you think about what is precious.....children, certain sentimental things,etc...but we hold them close/tight to our hearts. God loves us so much he holds us close to his heart. That is truly moving to know that we are so special to him. While we must acknowledge that we are sinners (and that can be depressing at times) it helps us to learn to love ourselves THROUGH God and not of our own means.

But what is life if you dont have love?? You say you have a productive life (and thats great! congrats!) but if you dont know how to love yourself then you havent fully experienced the awesome things God has in store for you....then you will really know a fulfilled life! There are desires in you heart (whether you have discovered them or not) that God put there and wants to fulfill once you are able to live a life of love. Starting within yourself through God. I suggest that you pick up your bible and read one of the Gospels. I was able to read through Mark in about 45 min, so if you have about that much free time (kids naptime! ) then try reading it and see what God has to say to you, personally!

You are loved dearly, and i cant wait for you to come upon that revelation! God bless and take care sister!

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