Hi brother this might be helpful.. when I started reading I thought of you..
You can find it here..
http://www.elijahlist.com/words/display_word/6925
Al Thomas: "GOD IS NOT MAD AT YOU"
by Al Thomas
Oct 4, 2008
SAINTS HAD THEIR HEADS BOWED DOWN IN SHAME
WHILE PRAYING FOR THE CHURCH, I SAW A VISION (Joel 2:17) OF HUNDREDS, THOUSANDS AND THEN MILLIONS OF SAINTS WHO HAD THEIR HEADS BOWED down...as if in shame.
Although it is true that occasionally all of us fail God in one way or another, it is more so true that God forgives and restores (1 John 1:9-10).
Clearly, I saw that many of God's children are under the false impression and demonic delusion that God is displeased or disappointed with them. They imagine God in Heaven feverishly writing down every mistake and impure thought, and that He can't wait until they die or until Jesus comes back so they can be royally "chewed out."
Again (and this is important), it is true that some of God's children are following Him from afar (Matthew 26:58), simply not walking as close to Jesus as they could, and they need to do some serious turning back to the Lord (Hebrews 6:11-12).
Yet, for most, here is the real story: GOD IS LOVE...AND HIS LOVE IS POINT BLANK DIRECTED TOWARDS YOU (Romans 5:5).
Many are about to get a revelation of His love for them, and as a result, their entire attitude and outlook of their current situation will be radically changed. Worry will fade and faith will arise because of you being so secure and convinced of how much He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).
AS THE CHURCH RECEIVES THIS REVELATION, MANY WILL START TO WALK IN GOD'S JOY INSTEAD OF SATAN'S GUILT
Satan wants you to feel guilty and be filled with shame. You can pray, read God's Word, go to church, etc. But still, satan will tell you that you should feel guilty about your life.
One of the greatest benefits you have as a child of God is experiencing His joy (John 15:11). This is not some vague, misty and occasional giddy feeling, but a spiritual inebriation that will not only produce constant peace, but will sometimes cause you to laugh at your biggest troubles. The Bible says you can do nothing against the truth (2 Corinthians 13:8), which means God is going to love you whether you accept it or not. So accept it and get on with His plan for you (Romans 8:31).
Some are under immense pressure and must learn that this joy has to be cultivated. That's why Paul said, "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice" (Philippians 4:4). Some, when first saved, did rejoice and rejoiced often. Then (as with all of us), troubles and temptations came and the joy seemed elusive.
God's joy often has to be fought for because satan will try very hard to convince you that you deserve guilt instead of joy. Remember, satan is a liar. Resist him (and the guilt) and start rejoicing by faith (Habakkuk 2:4; Romans 1:17).
Here is wisdom: we are most filled with joy when we are most filled with God's love. Therefore do this: Go into your prayer closet and begin to tell Him how much you love Him, how much you appreciate being saved and for being a child of His. If this is difficult, guess who is hindering you? (1 Thessalonians 2:18). Stay there for a while...His presence will begin to come and joy will result. This will be one of the proofs that He is not upset with you, but in love with you.
MANY WILL EXPERIENCE GOD'S APPROVAL INSTEAD OF PERSONAL SHAME
The Holy Spirit (when He speaks to us) encourages us to obedience. Satan discourages us to despair. God wants to remove the word "shame" from your life.
2 Corinthians 5:19 says, "God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting men's sins against them." He HAS forgiven you, He DOES love you, and He will NEVER leave you or forsake you (Psalm 37:25).
God knows you are fed up with discouragement and it is time to take back your victory. Get up, rebuke the devil, and get on with God's will for you (Romans 8:28). Jesus specifically said that the Holy Spirit would comfort us...not make us feel bad about ourselves (John 14:17). Every Believer has God's approval (Romans 5:1), which is based on the Cross, not anything you do.
MANY WILL NO LONGER FEEL UNWORTHY, BUT ACCEPTED BY THE FATHER
There is a no more exhilarating feeling than knowing you are accepted by the God of the universe (Ephesians 1:6). Satan makes you feel unworthy by "throwing the whole book" at you at one time. In other words, satan wants to get you focused on all of your failures at one time and overwhelm you with unworthiness.
God, when He desires to change us, usually deals with one thing at a time. "Grant me Thy law graciously" (Psalm 119:29b). God is in the business of convicting us (John 16:8), whereas satan is in the business of condemning us (1 Timothy 3:6).
However, we have passed from condemnation to acceptance (Romans 8:1). You must grasp this truth - that you are totally accepted by God - to walk in His joy. God accepts you because of what Jesus did (2 Corinthians 5:21), not because of what you have or have not done.
Who are you to judge yourself? (1 Corinthians 4:3). You are not qualified to judge yourself or anyone as unworthy...that is God's job. He'll do it much better than you (Romans 14:4).
MOST IMPORTANTLY, MANY WILL NO LONGER LEAN ON FEELINGS BUT ON THE HOLY SPIRIT AND HIS WORD
It is important that you try not to over analyze yourself. Satan tries to remind you of failings that God no longer remembers (Psalm 103:10). Often, after experiencing repeated carnal failings, we engage in over-actively, self-analyzing ourselves. Our thoughts start to go into overdrive which ends up with you feeling more negative towards yourself. Some even hate themselves.
Are we to listen to the conviction of the Holy Spirit? Of course. But even after God has forgiven, many listen to the condemnation of satan and mistakenly think it is God expressing His anger at them. Your Heavenly Father wants you to have the peace that Jesus promised (John 14:27), and much self-introspection makes life not peaceful, but stressful. We are most filled with peace when we know we are loved (2 Thessalonians 2:16).
If you keep listening to your feelings, you will lose your peace because you will dwell on the inconsistency that exists between your actual spiritual condition and your daily actions (Romans 7:15). You cannot keep probing your feelings and expect to walk in His peace. Instead you find out what His Word says of you...and trust that! Then and only then will you rest in what Christ has done for you, not what you have done or are doing.
Now is the time for you to walk in the Spirit (Romans 8:14) knowing that God is not mad at you...but glad over you (Zephaniah 3:17).
OK, you may start rejoicing now...
Al Thomas
Celebrating His Life Ministries
Email:
a.thomas@myactv.net
Al Thomas' Itinerary:
October 18-19, 2008
Calvary Assembly of God (Sat 9am-3pm, Sun 10:30am)
Williamstown, NJ
Contact: 856-459-2241
November 2, 2008
Freedom Lighthouse Ministries (9:30am)
Fort Loudon, PA
Contact: 717-369-2595
November 7-9, 2008
Abundant Life Fellowship (Fri 7:30pm, Sat & Sun 6pm)
Oxon Hill (Washington, DC)
Contact: 301-839-7993
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.. and you said something beautiful.. That is what I like.. Ha.. LORD just fill my brother with peace.. LORD.. fill him with joy.. there is nothing like it in the whole wide world.. because when we have it.. nothing nothing nothing can steal our heart away!! Amen 
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