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Divorced or Separated A new forum for the support of divorced or separated Christians.

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  #1  
Unread 22nd September 2008, 06:29 PM
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dating while going through divorce

I need a christian answer and if possible backed up with sripture.

If someone has been separated for 2 years due to adultry and is now currently going through the actual legal side of getting a divorce but technically they are still married is it ok for them to date other people before it is finalized?

I want to know how God will look upon each person involved with something like that, not how society will.

Thank you to whom ever can help!
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  #2  
Unread 22nd September 2008, 07:24 PM
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Years ago I couldn't find any scripture to tell me I could. When I was single, I met a met a really nice lady who was separated from her husband. We went out a few times but not like a date. When things looked like they were going to turn into dating and perhaps romance, I backed away. I personally felt convicted by the Spirit. It would have been sin for me to date her. When I backed away, another fella stepped in, romanced her and married her once she was divorced. I'm glad I wasn't the one to do that. But that's just me.
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  #3  
Unread 22nd September 2008, 08:54 PM
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Originally Posted by mizz08 View Post
I need a christian answer and if possible backed up with sripture.

If someone has been separated for 2 years due to adultry and is now currently going through the actual legal side of getting a divorce but technically they are still married is it ok for them to date other people before it is finalized?

I want to know how God will look upon each person involved with something like that, not how society will.

Thank you to whom ever can help!

I dated my current husband for a good while before my divorce from my first husband was final. He proposed actually just before I got the confirmation on the finality of the divorce papers from the court.

You are asking how God will look upon each person in this situation without influence from society, which means you are forgetting one important thing: God's relationship with everyone is individual. Some Christians will try to tell you that there is a very specific rule for your life on this, but that's not always the case.

You've come asking society (CF -is- society, we are people!) what society's opinion is and asking that the opinion is given apart from society. I hope you can see the absurdity in that now that it is pointed out

Sometimes, God has an individual rule for your life, within your individual relationship with Him.

If you can't find the answer to your question in Him, and need us to tell you what the answer is for your life? Then there is a bigger problem there than dating through a divorce.

[And no, I'm not going to sit here and quote from the Bible and say "This is obviously how you live your life". I live my life by how God guides me directly. It's much more accurate, and far more realistic.]

Take care~
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  #4  
Unread 22nd September 2008, 09:11 PM
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i really wasnt asking society for a personal opinion but more so point me to scripture to weather or not it is ok in Gods eyes.

Most people talk to to God but wouldnt know what the voice of God sounds like anyways... sometimes they think they know or make it fit what they want to do thats why i need it straight from the Bible.

I was just looking for a point in the right direction spirtually as someone may have already researched this topic.
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  #5  
Unread 23rd September 2008, 04:32 AM
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I don't remember ever reading about this particular topic in the Bible. You're either married or you aren't. I would not want to date someone who wasn't legally single because if you just met the person you really don't know the whole story. Maybe they should reconcile. I wouldn't want to get in the way of that.

Usually the divorce process is one more step towards healing. Starting a relationship in the midst of that can be very painful. Even after the divorce is final, you need to consider that the person may need more time healing. I personally didn't because so much time had gone by between separation and divorce.
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  #6  
Unread 24th September 2008, 12:58 AM
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I agree with EBL that you just dont know if they are serious about divorcing and if they will reconcile.
All else aside, while they are still legally yoked it may be better to leave it till you know for sure.

Morally, this is just one more reason I am against state licensing.
A man beats a wife savagely for 15 years and then the STATE tells her she cant divorce the bum for a year or two and $5000 that she doesnt have to pay.
One woman in my hometown was waiting on a divorce to go thru years ago and it kept her in just enough contact with her estranged husband that he was able to get hold of her and kill her on a public street with a knife.
Had the state not interfered and let her divorce WHEN she wanted to she may have been out of sight and mind before this animal went on his rampage.
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  #7  
Unread 24th September 2008, 10:52 PM
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I feel, in my own oppinion, that a person needs to wait until they are truly divorced until they date again. I look to the scriptures that speak of two people being married as one flesh, and also the scriptures that state that if you were to look on another, and wish to be with them, then it is sin. When I was dating a long time ago, I wanted to be with them, not in a sinful way, but wanted to be with them as often as I could. Personally, I am looking forward to the time when I might be able to date someone again. In fairness to them, and me, I want to be "free" from the marriage that I am in now. I had a dream that I dated someone after we were separated, and woke up feeling guilty. I guess I just want to be free from what I feel is what God's Word tells me to do.
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  #8  
Unread 25th September 2008, 01:46 AM
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A divorce according to the Bible is when a man writes it up and gives it to his wife because she committed adultery. It happens in a moment then it is done.
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  #9  
Unread 29th September 2008, 03:26 PM
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Unfortunately, there is nowhere in Scripture that says you can or can't date while seperated.
Both my new husband and I have very strong opinions about divorce, making it difficult to justify dating or getting married after I ended a marriage. I had been seperated for two years and was counting down to the courtdate that my ex was postponing as long as possible.
I was ready to be with David, but had an abusive marriage on the verge of ending and didn't know where to turn.
We were comforted in a series of verses that had to do with our unique situation, but nothing that was obvioiusly dealing with divorce and remarriage.
I think earnestly seeking His will was the only thing that got us through that period. We were willing to walk away from being together if God didn't approve. After extensive prayer and seeking His heart, we came across verses that made more sense then before.
I would encourage you to do the same. Scripture alive and breathing, and God uses it to reveal Himself. He gives uttrance of the Holy Spirit to reaveal his will through His Word. Take time to seek Him, and allow Him to show you where to draw the line with Scripture.
I'm not saying take someone's word for it, or move on their advice. You want confirmation from the Bible, so ask for it. It worked for us. We are happilly married and serving God together in our church. And I am so certain that this is what He wanted for us.
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  #10  
Unread 29th September 2008, 05:17 PM
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I believe that people shouldn't date while separated because separation does not equal divorce. Especially during separation, people get caught up in needing to fill a void and often look to date to avoid feeling loneliness. But separation is not a time of external exploration but internal evaluation. The separation occurred because there was a "break" of some sort (unless there was abuse involved). Furthermore, to bring another person into that sort of emotionally unsettled situation is unfair to them because, as this point, it really can go either way. Dating during separation is adultery because you are still married.
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