Testimonies for the Lord

the.Sheepdog · #11 30th October 2008, 11:12 PM

You folks have touched me deeply. My nature is to hold you all close and stare down anyone within 100 yards. Obviously my spouse would wonder about that (!) so I shall hold you close in prayer. I shall pray a hedge of thorns about you in the spirit to keep the wrong people away. I have heard that Love is a decision. The more I think about it the more I think that is right.

This Sheepdog is in your corner family. Ask and if I can do it I shall. I would post my own testimony but I have to think on it and pray on it a bit. I dont want to write things that no one wants to hear.

This forum is truly what I needed to find. You folks are awesome.

btw, where'd I get all the reps numbers and stars and such? I sure didnt earn them!

the.Sheepdog · #12 31st October 2008, 12:04 PM

Ok I prayed about it and am assured that if you are not meant to read this you wont so no harm done.

I had an alcoholic abusive father who blamed this first born for his life failures. He is also a bonafide war hero having saved many men at the risk to his own life. He was a pilot in Viet Nam and flew a C123 cargo plane. He used to deliver food and water to the soldiers in the jungle. He was shot at more times than he could count but it never slowed him down. One mission he was sent to try to find a combat team trapped by enemy action on all sides. he was to evaluate, drop then ammo and try to draw fire. Instead he landed under fire and picked up the team. When he landed back at his base the plane fell apart as he landed! But he got those men out! he is truly a hero to me. But in no way could I be good enough for him.

I grew up very quiet and helpless and I thought hopeless. I developed Bulimia and became an overeater. I also started counting and checking and rechecking things like locks and lights (would they still work if I turned them on?)

My dreams at night were of a lonely man who stayed on top of a mountain watching out so the others below could be safe. That man was lonely and sad but he knew he was giving himself for others that they might not have to feel like him. That really became my life.

I joined the military to get away from home at seventeen. I soon found out that I excelled in military behavior as I had lived it since birth.

I went to Nam and was working on an air base called Pleiku. I was TDY (Temporary Duty) to the base to load and launch aircraft (F-4 phantoms)

One day the load and launch team was at the EOR End of runway pulling flag safeties so the 2 aircraft flight could launch. The flags keep weapons in a safe mode until pulled. If they are not pulled then the gun and bombs are useless. From the other side of the runway a group of insurgents came out shooting towards the aircraft and running towards us. They were about 300 yards away. My friend Jimmy went to pulling flags on both aircraft as most of us were trying to melt into the tarmac. My load sgt tossed me an M-16 and I was supposed to drive off the bad guys. me? what? why me? shoot at me ok, but ask me to shoot back?

anyway Jimmy was shot and was down pulling the last flag. He was cleared from underneath and as the planes were cleared to didi mao (get gone!) An enemy soldier came around the tail area and was looking right at me from maybe 30 feet. He pointing towards me and me towards him. A very long uncomfortable silence of maybe a nano second and a rifle went off!

I honestly didnt know who fired. The other guy went down and I didnt. I went to look and saw him to be about my age. I felt sick.

I heard Jimmy call to me to get down! I went to him and pulled him up into my lap as the aircrew started to pull away and the pilot saluted me. All I could do was yell "go!" and they did. Their is nothing like a couple of phantoms moving out at after burner to make you a beleiver in thrust.

Jimmy asked me if they got away and I told him he was a hero and the planes were off. No sooner was the runway clear than the air police were coming down the runway yelling and shooting towards the insurgents. I thought at the time they looked like keystones cops all hanging off the top and sides, but I was glad to see them!

I said to Jimmy "were gonna be OK pal" but Jimmy was gone. He had died in my 18 year old arms. I just held him and cried. His blood all over my uniform, the tarmac, and those darned flags. When the corpsmen and the ambulance arrived they pulled Jimmy from me and Instead of getting up I passed out. Apparently not all that blood was Jimmy's.

I woke up in an AF hospital in Yakota Japan. I had already had surgery and was super drugged up and kind of liked it. The Dr told me I was lucky. All I caught was bullet fragments in my leg and knee. I never felt lucky. Jimmy died and I didnt. That is still a tender spot to me today. I wasnt gonna be allowed to go back to help my buddies either. That hurt.

I went back to the USA and healed in a Hospital in Silver Springs MD. and then had 30 days survivors leave. I never got to see Jimmy again. I didnt know where he was from so couldnt go visit even. I felt so guilty for living when he had died.

I finally got out at eight yrs as a Staff Sergeant and went home. My dad was still the same and deep down so was I.

I had a void in my life. I could see it in my Dad but not in myself until that day. I couldnt drink my problems away because thats what he had done and every time I took a drink I thought of him and stopped. So food disorders became my thing. Back then they didnt even have a name for them. Funny thing was the more I purged to lose weight to be more perfect the more I gained. My teeth got soft as well as my gums. My mood went darker and darker.

But, that void cannot be filled by food or drink or smoke. Sex and danger and thrills didnt do it either. Name it I tried it. One day I hit bottom when I lost a job. I had neve been fired before.

I finally cried out to God for help. It was hard as my earthly Father was a hard thing so it was difficult to trust a heavenly father. But I did. I had no choice.

I cried out to God and asked for forgiveness for not being more perfect. I asked for His help! Pat Robertson was on TV and said "Someone out their is crying for help..." and I listened.

Pat lead me to Jesus that day. Things didnt get immediately better for me but I did have hope. I read my Bible. I replaced my self loathing with the WORD. I gradually started feeling better. Really!

Twenty Five plus years now and no bingeing. Im not perfect still but getting better. I dont check the locks thirty times now, just once or twice! I have forgiven my Dad and I have forgiven myself. When you forgive * YOU * get the benefits.

I still cannot see an American flag without tearing up. My friend and 50,000 others died for that flag. I don't know why I lived but there must be some reason and one day I might find it. I'm sorry I killed that young soldier but it was him or me and I truly didnt remember shooting.

But wether I do or not I will Praise GOD every day of my life for now I have my Annie. She is a Baptist and I really think I fit in an AG church but thats a smaller thing compared to all else. She lovs me even tho I aint perfect. Im her sheepdog and she is my sheep! This is one dog that will be in heaven!

Im not afraid anymore. I will go anywhere do anything to protect family. I will be My Lords dog! Woof woof! Back off Demons, In Jesus Name!

quietbloke · #13 1st November 2008, 01:04 AM

Great testimony 'Sheepdog!'

mssurrendered · #14 2nd November 2008, 07:59 PM

Oh sheepdog that is a wonderful testimony.I am so glad you gave your life to Christ.And I love your name.May God bless you.

gennaoanothen · #15 3rd December 2008, 04:34 AM

not enough space on the www for my testimony
my wife has told me I should write a book
all I can say is God is so good.

the.Sheepdog · #16 3rd December 2008, 12:35 PM

Yes He is Norm. yes He is! Mine is abbreviated beyond belief also. I think everyones is. it isnt so important to tell everything but I think posting a testimony of sorts is cathartic and free's you. I opened my insides to all and I didnt get flamed but loved.

That is a great feeling and I wish it for you too. Think on it?

Bill

lilmissmontana · #17 11th December 2008, 02:13 PM

Originally Posted by quietbloke

Great testimony 'Sheepdog!'

Amen!

Originally Posted by mssurrendered

Oh sheepdog that is a wonderful testimony.I am so glad you gave your life to Christ.And I love your name.May God bless you.

I loved your testimony and I'm so glad a few have shared theirs. And yes! may God bless you!

Originally Posted by gennaoanothen

not enough space on the www for my testimony
my wife has told me I should write a book
all I can say is God is so good.

I laughed when I saw this ... a good thing

... because every day is an entry on our page of life. I spent years understanding it is not possible to pit a testimony into fullness in one basket. A testimony has to be shared in it's proper places at the proper time. This thread is about sharing those testimonies one by one as they come to us. I have so many testimonies ... and they are everywhere I felt led to leave one. Some are about His goodness and some are about the struggle and some about death and family and many things ...

Originally Posted by the.Sheepdog

Yes He is Norm. yes He is! Mine is abbreviated beyond belief also. I think everyones is. it isnt so important to tell everything but I think posting a testimony of sorts is cathartic and free's you. I opened my insides to all and I didnt get flamed but loved.

That is a great feeling and I wish it for you too. Think on it?

Bill

Amen! God bless!

Please, everyone ... this is a great place to share God's goodness and season to share it in ... it's an awesome way to be a witness ... but not until you're comfortable or feel just right about it ... it can be a sentence or a paragraph or pages ... it's no matter the size ... it's matter the importance ...

God bless, all!

mssurrendered · #18 11th December 2008, 08:55 PM

I sent this message to someone yesterday when they asked me about my son Sandy.They thought that I should put it here in the testimonies.I have been trying to work on my testimony but there is so much so maybe it is a good idea to do it in parts.So here is a part of my life I want to share.

My ex and I lived together for maybe 7 or 8 years.We had Sandy Oct 3rd 1972. So things were going not bad for us, he hadn`t drank for a long time and we were getting along real good. So when my divorce from when I was 16 came through we got married. Sandy had just turned 4. It was dec 18th 1976.

I was so happy to get married and make things right. I was so ashamed to be living together. But you know how it is I was so in love.

Anyways week later we went to my parents for christmas then home again till New Years. My ex left to camp. He stayed in camp till january 27th,so we never seen him since he left. So we had had 2 weeks together married.

Sandy and I drove to the town where I now live(weird hey!)to pick up my husband from the airport. We got home around supper time.my daughter had not come because she was at school. I had just bought Sandy some skates from the second hand store so my daughter and him went out in the trailer court, next to our trailer court where there was a ice rink to go skating (my daughter was not quite 8). We ordered chineese food and waited for the kids to come back. My daughter came home because her skates were to tight so we loosened them and told her to get back to get Sandy. She went out and he was just about 3 trailers away where a road was and he had been hit by a truck. He had come down the road with a boy on a bike and had held on to the back of the bike ,the roads were icy. All I can remember is her coming to tell us and waiting for the ambulance and trying to get him but people wouldn`t let me.

He had brain damage and lived for 8 days. I begged God for the whole time that he would come out`ve it but he didn`t. They did cat scans and everything they could and we were advised to have the machines shut off.So we did. I was a basket case for the next few years. My already bad marriage got way worse. Till one day I thought if I could lose my son and survive through it I could surely leave him. So I did.
I was so mad at God for the longest time. I was sure that if He would`ve healed him,that my husband would`ve become a christian and all would`ve been great. I begged Him and promised Him that, but it wasn`t to be.

I now look back and I see how life turned out. My ex husband died last year a sad and lonely man. He had many many women, drug problems, beat all of his women and he never would`ve let me go if I had still had Sandy. So who knows what life would`ve been. It would`ve been hard and sandy would`ve had a hard life and maybe died without Christ. But now I am assurred he is in heaven and I feel no bitterness. I have asked God to forgive me for how mad I was at Him. I now for many years have had peace with this.
One day I will show you when were in heaven my little blue eyed,blonde haired boy.

the.Sheepdog · #19 11th December 2008, 09:17 PM

Mss beloved, I will be pleased and proud to meet him.

lilmissmontana · #20 11th December 2008, 09:24 PM

ms, this is such a bittersweet lovely as can be testimony. I just love you so much!

Thank you for having the courage to share this. I just can't even imagine. God bless!