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Unequally Yoked A forum for the support of Christians in relationships with non-believers.

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  #1  
Unread 11th August 2008, 07:33 PM
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Want Advice from Younger Women on Marriage with an Older Man

I would like to ask a question from younger women 21-33.

For reasons I will not go into here, I am only attracted to women in the ages 23-30 (21-33 absolute limits). To save time I will not go into the reasons here but if you private message me I give the details. I am in my mid-50s, but do look younger.

I want to emphasis strongly than I am talking about being attracted to ONLY Christian woman in that age group, with a view of entering in LIFETIME commitment, and having it be fully SUBJECTED to ALL of God’s commands concerning marriage.

I know they such a union between a couple with a large age difference is not prohibited in the Bible, in fact, gives examples of it.

But I do not want to be in a one-sided marriage where a younger women would meet the special needs I have I would not have anything to offer her.

So I would want a younger women’s prospective on what an older man could offer them or how general they would view the relational aspects of such a union.

In order to save time, since many talk about the older man having much more experience than the younger partner I might add that I am virgin and had no romantic relations with women.

So if a woman in that age bracket could give me some advice or if a women who married an older man when she was that age bracket I would appreciate your comments.

In other places I when I asked the question of whether such a union was in fact Biblical, the universal reply was is was not prohibited in the Bible and that God could, in fact, bless such a union. But I received many bitter and malevolent posts and private messages, all from older woman, which I do not want to receive again.

Here I am, a rarity among men, who totally abstained from sex for over 50 years—it was not easy—because I wanted to follow all of God’s commands, and yet I find myself being vehemently attacked by Christians. That really wounded me.

So please . . . serious and constructive posts or private messages pertaining only to the specific questions I am asking.
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  #2  
Unread 12th August 2008, 02:54 AM
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Originally Posted by racough View Post
For reasons I will not go into here, I am only attracted to women in the ages 23-30 (21-33 absolute limits).

...

I want to emphasis strongly than I am talking about being attracted to ONLY Christian woman in that age group, with a view of entering in LIFETIME commitment, and having it be fully SUBJECTED to ALL of God’s commands concerning marriage.

...

Here I am, a rarity among men, who totally abstained from sex for over 50 years—it was not easy—because I wanted to follow all of God’s commands, and yet I find myself being vehemently attacked by Christians. That really wounded me.

The first two paragraphs, which I've highlighted, strike me as a contradiction: you will not consider a woman who is above the age of 33, yet you expect to be married to her for her whole life? What happens when said woman turns 34?

The last paragraph I've emphasized is one that makes me question what your goals are. Are you turning towards marriage to avoid hurtful comments, or because you are genuinely interested in marriage?

That said, (because of course I don't have the whole story), I'd give the same advice to you that I'd give to any person, 18 or 58. Age doesn't have to be a concern, and a woman won't want to be with you because you "offer something" equivalent to her youth. A woman will want to be with you because she loves you, gets along well with you, and wants to share her life with you. This should be your goal as well. If you are seeking a relationship, you need only consider the same things a "young" man would. The women in the age range you are seeking are of a consenting age, so age would be a non issue unless it bothers one or both of the parties. On that note, there are women who are attracted to older men just as there are older men who are attracted to younger women. (So long as the attraction remains after the woman is no longer young, there shouldn't be a problem.)

I hope I've helped. I'm not really sure what you're looking for, but I'd suggest not worrying so much about finding someone who fits within a certain age range and worry more about finding a Godly companion that you actually want to share your life with. Good luck.
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  #3  
Unread 12th August 2008, 11:35 AM
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Everyone is attracted to youth and health. Everyone. We can't help but notice that people in their twenties and early thirties are usually at the height of their good looks, strength, stamina, and optimism about life. Younger people also tend to look up to us older people, which is very flattering. There's nothing abnormal about being attracted to a younger woman (or to a younger man, if you're a woman).

However, as you know by now, younger women generally tend to be attracted to men who are at the same stage of life as themselves. Physically, culturally, and otherwise, they simply have more in common. That makes it tough for you to "compete". The older you get, the more this will be true.

You seem to be asking what you can do to make yourself more attractive to young women. My fear is that you're making yourself prey for exactly the kind of woman who won't be a blessing to your Christian walk. In my observation, a very young woman who dates a much older man is usually acting out her own insecurity. Sometimes, young women see older men as a shortcut to obtaining maturity, success, and status, without having to do the hard work of earning any of it. That's why so many people--rightly or wrongly--consider May/December relationships to be mutual exploitation (she's a golddigger, and he's a shallow cad who only wants a hottie in his bed), which is why you've encountered so much hostility.

Maybe, instead of discussing your longings with other people, you should simply ask a promising young Christian woman out on a date, and see where it goes. In time, you'll either develop a successful relationship, or else you'll discover that 21 and 51 really aren't a match after all. If it's the latter, please don't be discouraged. God may surprise you with a wonderful woman your own age who's perfect for you, wrinkles, gray hair, and all.
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  #4  
Unread 12th August 2008, 11:39 AM
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This guy has posted this same thread in at least 3 or 4 sections, and in some sections of the forum it's his second or third post on the matter (same topic, different way of phrasing it, basically saying the same thing though). Ugh.
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  #5  
Unread 30th September 2008, 11:57 AM
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Wait -

So basically what you're saying is that you're a 54 year old virgin looking to finally lose it to a significantly younger woman after being pent up over all these years.

I don't mean to be cruel - but to an extent - my gut reaction is "that horse has already left the barn". You should've been looking for a 20 year old spouse when you were in your 20's and 30's. I cannot for the life of me envision why you thought it was God's will to wait until you were almost in your mid 50's to suddenly start looking.

Situations like what you're talking about are fraught with too many problems. First - I cannot for the life of me see why any woman in the age range you're talking about would want an old dude like you for *sincere* and *loving* reasons. Simply put - you're gonna die soon (at least from her perspective). Why would a 20 year old want to put herself into a situation of being almost certainly a widow by the time she's 40? Also - why would a 20 year old want to be put into a situation where they would maybe (at best) have 5-10 years of a marginal sex life before being put into a situation where they had to take care of their geriatric and dying mate? That's just un-natural - and it's unhealthy.

The *only* reason I can see a woman wanting to do that is if you've got some sort of monetary situation that would make it worth her while. She's willing to pay the price of a loveless and sexless marriage for 20 years or so - realizing that she'll still be relatively young by the time you die - and then she can move on from there. I doubt that's what you're looking for though.

And then there's you.

What could you possibly have in common with someone that different in age? Heck - I'm 16 years younger than you - but I'm pushing 40. My wife is 6 years younger than me - and even with that small of a gap - I can notice differences between us. Things that I look back on nostalgically - she doesn't know or can barely remember. Sometimes I find myself watching something on TV and saying "remember when that happened?" - because it was a meaningful thing in my progression - and she says "no".

I can hardly imagine what that would be like - being with someone in their 20's for me - and I'm 16 years younger than you. You remember Beatlemania. They can barely remember Clinton.

What exactly are you looking for? It certainly isn't life based upon commonality and shared experience. Are you simply looking for a tight body - because you never got to experience one? That's my impression. While I can understand that - my gut feeling is that you made your bed - sleep in it. Don't go burdening some poor girl with your nonsense because of the path you chose to take - somehow believing it was more 'righteous'. Any righteousness you may have derived will go right out the window with you making that kind of choice.
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  #6  
Unread 1st October 2008, 06:05 PM
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I can't think of good reason why a 20 something woman would want to be with a man that old. Who would you hang out with? The 20 something crowd or the AARP crowd? There are so many beautiful Christian ladies that are much closer in age and would make a much better companion IMHO.

My wife is 8 years younger than me and I see the same things that EZ sees.
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  #7  
Unread 18th October 2008, 09:10 PM
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First off, I'm newly married so I'm off the market......just to make that clear.

I've never had a crush on boys my age---they all seemed to be such jerks. Older men? That has been another story. I went for men in the 45 to 68 y/o bracket---I could see myself in bed with them.

And then some maths kicked in. I would need to have children...all the children I was planning to have pretty quickly...perhaps all together, within three years. Taking your age (just for the sake of argument, as I was attracted to even older men than you) ...take your age, 54 plus the window of three years---we're at 57. A sixteen y/o child would then have you as their 73 y/o father. A 24 y/o bride would have an 81 y/o father to walk her down the aisle.

Next consideration: What would we do together for fun? I never was a club girl but the best times I ever had was with a g/f on a three-week hike in the wilderness of Alaska with that friend, a professional guide, and a pack horse. For how many years would you be up for that sort of thing?

Those are what caused me to stop and look the times things did start. (In fact, one of those men I took on with a legal adoption.) He will be a grandfather to my someday children and be perfectly capable of doing grandpa stuff with them.

Why was I attracted? I was responding to various things these lovely gents did for me----not buying me things but using their influence to help me along my way as a student and being friends and mentors. While I was not exactly a gold-digger my woman's body reacted in such a way that I can appreciate fully how a gold-digger could do what gold-diggers do.

Not everything that can be defended as being Biblical is good to do. Not everything that is legal is good to do. If you love a woman enough to marry, you presumably love her enough to be there for her for a lifetime---her lifetime as well as yours. You can reasonably promise that with a woman in your general age bracket.

I hope I didn't come across as too harsh but that is the candid answer from a young woman who did countenance marrying a man decades older than her.

God bless
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  #8  
Unread 16th February 2009, 02:53 PM
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Dude, are you asking to be shot, stoned or publicly hanged? Unless I missed the turn at Alberquerque this IS a Christian Forum, not a place for tips how to pick up young chicks
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