| Long Term Relationships A forum for those in long-term relationships who are not engaged or married yet. |
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7th October 2008, 03:45 AM
|  | Junior Member
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Reps: 2,104,749,166,162,449 (power: 2,104,749,166,168) | | Originally Posted by seashale76  Balderdash. You come to a Christian message board and ask advice of Christians. Our religion does not make allowances to justify sin. You have two options: Stop doing what you're doing or get married.
I have in no way ever justified my sin, but with all my heart I believe that marriage should absolutely never be a way to cover up sin. Yes, marriage would deal with the fact that I am not married, but I would still have that sin in my heart and that is the problem, THAT is what God is going to judge me on.
Covering up my sin is not an option for me. I am not going to take the easy way out and say "Phew! We're safe now, and no one ever even found out about our little secret."
Just because you hide sin, doesn't mean it's gone. You can still feel it inside your heart, and it still has a profound influence on your relationship with God and your salvation.
When I get married, I'm going to take it so much more seriously then viewing it as just an easy way out of dealing with my sin.  |
7th October 2008, 09:21 AM
|  | Orthodox Christian
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Reps: 689,208,368,776,852,608 (power: 689,208,368,776,867) | | Originally Posted by SiyoNqoba I have in no way ever justified my sin, but with all my heart I believe that marriage should absolutely never be a way to cover up sin. Yes, marriage would deal with the fact that I am not married, but I would still have that sin in my heart and that is the problem, THAT is what God is going to judge me on.
Covering up my sin is not an option for me. I am not going to take the easy way out and say "Phew! We're safe now, and no one ever even found out about our little secret."
Just because you hide sin, doesn't mean it's gone. You can still feel it inside your heart, and it still has a profound influence on your relationship with God and your salvation.
When I get married, I'm going to take it so much more seriously then viewing it as just an easy way out of dealing with my sin.
You misunderstood me. Marriage wouldn't cover up your sin, but it would keep you from continuing to sin since you are having difficulty controling your passions (one can find this advice in the NT). When you sin, you need to repent and then stop (turn from sin). At that point, you wouldn't have to consider that you're covering it up- it would be a non-issue- the sin would no longer exist. Your other option, as I said, is to stop doing what you're doing that keeps you falling into the same pattern of sinning. This IS the more difficult option.
You're not in favor of marrying young (I understand), but if you're having sex and you're not ready to truly be on your own as an adult, then I'm sure you can see how you need to re-evaluate what you're doing. It's like getting the benefits without the work involved- you'll end up getting burned. It's hard work making a marriage successful, but it is better marrying young than continuing in your sin. (I've been married over nine years myself, so I feel that I do have a handle on this type of long-term relationship.)
I'm probably not the best person to dispense advice here, because I don't pull punches to make people feel better. It's common sense stuff to me and people tend to make things complicated for themselves, because even though they truly know what is right and wrong, they don't like to hear about it because it is much easier to continue on the same road.
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Troparion - Tone 4
Commanders of the heavenly hosts, we who are unworthy beseech you, by your prayers encompass us beneath the wings of your immaterial glory, and faithfully preserve us who fall down and cry to you: “Deliver us from all harm, for you are the commanders of the powers on high!”
Holy Archangel Michael, pray to God for me.
Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!
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7th October 2008, 09:46 AM
|  | Would rather be London Calling
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7th October 2008, 11:03 PM
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It seems like the OP isn't looking for someone to tell her it's ok. She knows it's wrong and she wants to deal with it. I think her logic about not getting married yet is great. You don't get married just to have sex, but that doesn't mean they should keep doing it. Which obviously she understands given the point of the thread is asking for advice on how to stop.
To the OP,
I'm sorry I don't have any words of wisdom. Just the usual, stay out in public as much as possible, etc, and I personally don't find that to be terribly practical advice so I can't even say it convincingly. That is just because of my relationship though, being out in public all the time just wouldn't really work, but if it can work for you definitely try that. If you have a close friend you trust maybe ask her to be an accountability partner? And maybe pray with your boyfriend, not even necessarily about this, but about just life in general or whatever things you need prayer for, when you get together so that it reminds you to keep God in the centre of your relationship?
I hope you find something that works for you. And as someone who gets a lot of pressure from my Christian family/friends to get married ASAP just because of this one issue, I really appreciate your views that marriage is so much more and shouldn't be rushed. I don't know if that makes sense, if not I'm sorry. |
8th October 2008, 01:10 PM
|  | Angel with a broken wing
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Reps: 801,452,641,553,027,712 (power: 801,452,641,553,041) | | Originally Posted by SiyoNqoba and I always feel a surge of jealousy when I think that they'll be able to discover each other on their wedding night, and I'll already know my boyfriend.
Why would you feel jealous about that? If anything, you've got one up on them. Inexperience is nothing to be jealous of IMO.
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If you feel that you can't go on
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Just believe and you can't go wrong
In the light you will find the road
- In the Light
Anytime somebody needs you
Don't let them down, although it grieves you
Someday you'll need someone like they do
Looking for what you knew
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It's very easy, just..
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8th October 2008, 05:16 PM
| | Junior Member
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Reps: 2,104,749,166,162,449 (power: 2,104,749,166,168) | | Thanks for stepping in, Shannie. I think it was about to get to the point where we'd be replying without even reading what the other said  Originally Posted by leothelioness Why would you feel jealous about that? If anything, you've got one up on them. Inexperience is nothing to be jealous of IMO.
People often try and make the loss of one's virginity sound like it's absolutely horrible. Sure it's not pleasurable, but if you're in love with someone, then the moment where they break you open and put a part of themselves inside of you is so incredibly mindblowing, and I can only imagine that the knowledge that you've waited would only make it more so. |
8th October 2008, 05:49 PM
| | Angel with a broken wing
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Reps: 801,452,641,553,027,712 (power: 801,452,641,553,041) | | Originally Posted by SiyoNqoba People often try and make the loss of one's virginity sound like it's absolutely horrible.
Right, which is exactly why you shouldn't feel ashamed for making that "mistake". Sure it's not pleasurable, but if you're in love with someone, then the moment where they break you open and put a part of themselves inside of you is so incredibly mindblowing, and I can only imagine that the knowledge that you've waited would only make it more so.
Having sex with a boyfriend is physically and emotionally no different than having sex with your husband. The only "difference" is that you are legally recognised as being married.
The wait does not make it any more special or less awkward. That's a common fallacious argument a lot of Christians use to try to get people to wait.
__________________
If you feel that you can't go on
And your will's sinking low
Just believe and you can't go wrong
In the light you will find the road
- In the Light
Anytime somebody needs you
Don't let them down, although it grieves you
Someday you'll need someone like they do
Looking for what you knew
I'm telling you, now
The greatest thing you ever can do, now
Is trade a smile with someone who's blue, now
It's very easy, just..
-Friends |
8th October 2008, 06:30 PM
| | Newbie
| | Join Date: 8th October 2008
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Reps: 10 (power: 0) | | | "Having sex with a boyfriend is physically and emotionally no different than having sex with your husband. The only "difference" is that you are legally recognised as being married. "
I agree with that except for the fact that a lot of us are guilt prone. There is a negative emotional element that can be (not necessarily will be) taken away when one has sex in a manner that is in accord with gods will (i.e. after marriage) |
9th October 2008, 02:18 AM
| | Junior Member
24
| | Join Date: 14th July 2007 Location: New Zealand
Posts: 375
Blessings: 61,966
Reps: 2,104,749,166,162,449 (power: 2,104,749,166,168) | | | ^Yep.
I've read in a few places that a common problem for young Christian women who have had pre-marital sex is that, once they're married, they find their mind is still doing the same 'protection' thing it did before marriage: "Don't relax too much: You might get pregnant, he might leave you and you'll be 'sloppy seconds', you might get caught."
Those things are much less likely to be a concern in marriage, making the first time much more...innocent, I guess. Certainly without all the emotional havoc. I mean, I cried after my first time because I'd wasted it and had barely even realised (it really did "just happen," though if we hadn't been going so far in the first place, it wouldn't have). |
24th December 2008, 03:01 PM
| | Senior Member
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| | Join Date: 5th October 2003 Location: TN
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Reps: 9,635,781,267,074,092 (power: 9,635,781,267,084) | | << 1 Corinthians 7:9 >> International Standard Version (©2008)
However, if they cannot control themselves, they should get married, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. King James Bible
But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
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Love,
Kat
If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything..
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