I am gay. Am I a bad person?

My name is Robert Reed. For the past fifteen years I have struggled with my homosexuality, even though it conflicts with my faith. I am married and I have a daughter. I have threatened many of my gay lovers because of my conflict and that I don't want my loving wife to find out. I ask you if there's anything I can do to help myself?

Seek a therapist.

I think you need to take a serious look at why you are doing what you are doing.
You have to decide between your wife or your homosexuality.

You cannot have both and you are deceiving your wife and it's not fair to her. You are also threatening your other partners so they don't tell your wife.
It's not for me to judge, but what I will say is that you can't have it both ways and must make a choice for yourself and all concerned.

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“Doubts raced through my mind as I considered the feasibility of enforcing a law which the majority of honest citizens didn't seem to want.” Eliot Ness

I suggest you start by being honest with your wife.

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First things first, you need to get out of relationships with your lovers. If you're having a conflict within yourself, you need to get to the place where you are okay with your sexuality. If you are married, you should be honest, up front and tell her that you've at least had relations that were of the same sex so that she will know that you are gay. If you love your wife, and I suspect that you do, or otherwise you wouldn't be asking for advice, then you just gotta trust her that eventually, she'll be okay with it. If you desire that your sexuality be changed, God can move mountains, and certainly he can remove this sexual sin from you, but you may have to resist it with all you've got. God can do so many wonders, and I promise, he will carry you through this.

You are not a bad person, at least you recognize this, and are not in denail of it. That's definately a step up. But I would be honest and seek the truth in all you do...and if you truly desire to become straight, take the appropriate steps. But your wife needs to know, it's only fair to her. I know you don't want her to find out, but you know, what if you do have a sexual disease or something. I know it's stereotypical of me to suspect it, but as with all relationships and extramaritial affiars, I would suggest this to anyone out there, and I suggest it to you. While you may have used protective measures, I'm sure she'd appreciate it just the same.

My prayers are for you. I pray that you find happiness...and that you seek truth, and forego deception. If you have to hide it, I'm pretty sure it's not right.

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If there is no God, who pops up the next kleenex?

"I am ready to meet my maker, whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." --Winston Churchill
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"What in the name of "Are you there God, it's me Margaret were you thinking?" --Scrubs

and you're not a bad person, you're just a human being, just like all of us, who does bad things...and that's just like all of us here.

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If there is no God, who pops up the next kleenex?

"I am ready to meet my maker, whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." --Winston Churchill
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"What in the name of "Are you there God, it's me Margaret were you thinking?" --Scrubs

Is there help for you? There's help for most people. Find a therapist, confess to your wife and stop threatening people because of your own insecurities. While your community might be somewhat responsible for your fear of coming out of the closet being closeted isn't an excuse to cheat on your wife or try to intimidate people to keep from being exposed. -- and say hi to florence for me.

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If when we judged others our real motive was to destroy evil, we should look for evil where it is to be found, and that is in our own hearts. But if we are on the lookout for evil in others, our real motive is obviously to justify ourselves, for we are seeking to escape punishment for our own sins by passing judgment on others, and are assuming by implication that the Word of God applies to ourselves in one way, and to others in another (Bonhoeffer, Cost of Discipleship).

Great responses guys - thanks.

Robert Reed - Good luck in your search.

God bless.

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Terry Pratchett

You really need to work this out and talk with your wife. For the sake of your child do not get a divorce or get seperated so you can be with other people more freely. Your wife does not deserve what you are doing to her and neither does your daughter. This is adultry and just because its not with another woman dosen't in any way lower how terrible this is. Stop putting your lust above the importance of your family. Its God, then family, then you. If its getting to a point where u cannot control it then I suggest medication(something to lower libido and relieve depression like SSRIs) and someone to talk to as it could be a sign that you may be suffering from depression or stress.

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but a primacy is given to Peter, whereby it is made clear that there is but one Church and one chair. So too, all [the apostles] are shepherds, and the flock is shown to be one, fed by all the apostles in single-minded accord. If someone does not hold fast to this unity of Peter, can he imagine that he still holds the faith? If he [should] desert the chair of Peter upon whom the Church was built, can he still be confident that he is in the Church?" [A.D. 251]. - Cyprian of Carthage

No, you are not a bad person because you are gay. You are a bad person because you are allowing your spouse to believe she is married to someone that loves her and is sexually attracted to her. If you loved her or valued her as a person you would be honest with her and allow her to make her own choices--instead of forcing your life choices on her.