Hey, your not insulting us, are you?
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Muhahahahahahaha.
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To help protect the sanctity of marriage, please keep all affairs heterosexual.
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The most important thing is to know what the person feels and believes. This is not discovered through sex. The reality is that people pretend in order to impress. One needs to get through all the pretense and focus on the motives of that someone one feels drawn to. If all one can do is have sex, a lifetime with such a person will be a bore without it. It is better for the husband and wife to learn together. If either has had more "experience" that one will expect more or the other will imagine more and neither will be content. Find out everything about what that person thinks and then marry that person. The pasture is not greener over the fence..
I'm not talking about screwing every random Joe until you're married, I'm talking about having sex with your potential future spouse before the actual marriage. There's no issue of one being more or less experienced when the two to eventually be married are having sex before the marriage. I agree that the mental aspects are more important, but I don't believe that it's wise to marry someone without knowing that they fulfill you in a well rounded way.
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I do hope your kids are not girls... and that your boys have a good job.
I wouldn't encourage my kids to have sex as teenagers, but I would encourage them to wait until they are emotionally and socially prepared and to find honest, reliable partners if they do have sex. I would teach my boys to be responsible and use condoms, and provide birth control pills for my daughters if they requested it, especially as older teens.
Of course, I might change a lot before that time. I'm still a teenager.
It's not so much a case of marriage as one of commitment.
And even then the more important thing is a mutual understanding.
Sex is an activity between (ususally) two people. There are risks, there are ways of protecting yourself. But if both parties understand what it's about, there's very little chance of harm.
Abstaining until marriage doesn't somehow make sex better and amazing. It just makes it first. Imagine how absurd it would be if we advised it with other activities.
Don't watch sunsets together until you're married. It makes them more beautiful.
Don't go skiing until you're married. It's way better then.
Absurd.
And one of the reasons that oral sex is so popular is that teens who have received abstinence only education don't see it as 'sex' And since they've never been taught anything about the risks of oral sex, they don't use protection. Ignorance only education tends to fail.
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All I loved, I loved alone. Edgar Allen Poe
I wouldn't encourage my kids to have sex as teenagers, but I would encourage them to wait until they are emotionally and socially prepared and to find honest, reliable partners if they do have sex. I would teach my boys to be responsible and use condoms, and provide birth control pills for my daughters if they requested it, especially as older teens.
Of course, I might change a lot before that time. I'm still a teenager.
I'm not talking about screwing every random Joe until you're married, I'm talking about having sex with your potential future spouse before the actual marriage. There's no issue of one being more or less experienced when the two to eventually be married are having sex before the marriage. I agree that the mental aspects are more important, but I don't believe that it's wise to marry someone without knowing that they fulfill you in a well rounded way.
Originally Posted by platzapS
I wouldn't encourage my kids to have sex as teenagers, but I would encourage them to wait until they are emotionally and socially prepared and to find honest, reliable partners if they do have sex.
I think as a teenager, you've developed a pretty good attitude.
Personally, I have a little bit of trouble with the whole idea of telling kids not to have premarital sex. If my kid had sex with his/her fiance(e) a couple of weeks before their wedding, it wouldn't bother me in the least. If they decided to wait until their honeymoon, that would be fine, too. But that kind of premarital sex is a lot different from being promiscuous, or even a romantic teenager falling for someone who promises to love her forever, only to find out it was just a game to the other person.
So would I want my kid to learn more about whom to trust before thinking of having sex, you betcha! If she changes her mind after she's an adult about her resolution to wait until she's married, I won't be all worried about it.
"Specific studies of sexual trends among Christian teens have been limited, but all indications are that, on average, there is little difference between their sexual behavior and that of non-Christian youths, other than a tendency to delay their first sexual experience slightly longer."
I'm taking "first sexual experience" to mean sexual intercourse.
At the time the above was written, 2003, the following stats were also provided about teens as a whole. (I assume that both the above and what follows are pretty contemporaneous.)
"According to the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, which measures the responses of nearly 21,000 teens, males and females in the seventh through twelfth grades report having had intercourse just about equally: 39.9 percent of boys, 37.3 percent of girls.
[Both quotes: source]
So, assuming a good number of Christian teens, if not most, have been taught to abstain from sex until marriage abstinence teaching doesn't appear to be very effective. And, as we all know, just because something is taught is absolutely no guarantee that it will be heeded. But go ahead and teach teens not to have sex before marriage, just don't expect much in the way of positive results greater than normal.
As for oral sex, I don't consider it to be the generally intended referent to "having sex." So, unless specifically included under the term "having sex," I exclude it.
And this points up one of the growing trends I've been noticing over the last several years. More and more, people don't seem to be able to bring themselves to say "sexual intercourse," preferring instead to hide behind "having sex." Gotta wonder about people sometimes.
Last edited by Washington; 11th July 2008 at 06:43 PM.
So, assuming a good number of Christian teens, if not most, have been taught to abstain from sex until marriage abstinence teaching doesn't appear to be very effective. And, as we all know, just because something is taught is absolutely no guarantee that it will be heeded. But go ahead and teach teens not to have sex before marriage, just don't expect much in the way of positive results greater than normal.
I agree with you. But I get the feeling that this discussion is headed in the direction of teaching your teen about having morals and integrity. Which I'm guessing somehow means if you wait until you're married to have sex, you somehow have integrity. Or you're moral for waiting until you're married. Though I'd like to know how waiting until you're married to have sex somehow constitutes having integrity.
At least that's the impression I'm getting when these type of discussions occur.
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I agree with you. But I get the feeling that this discussion is headed in the direction of teaching your teen about having morals and integrity. Which I'm guessing somehow means if you wait until you're married to have sex, you somehow have integrity. Or you're moral for waiting until you're married. Though I'd like to know how waiting until you're married to have sex somehow constitutes having integrity.
At least that's the impression I'm getting when these type of discussions occur.
I agree. That waiting to have intercourse, even oral sex, until after marriage is somehow more moral than not, seems to be on the wane. Having intercourse just isn't the big deal it once was. And I think a good deal of this change in attitude has to do with the realization that the act of intercourse itself is just that: a mutually agreed upon physical act. An act that when regarded as a purely physical interaction between two people is no worse than any other physical interaction. The physical coupling is certainly not detrimental to either party---the possibility of pregnancy and STD having been taken into account. So, the strictly physical considerations don't really mitigate against it.
The only other aspect is the emotional one, which is entirely up to the two participants to deterimne. Is a reciprocal emotional bond necessary? If so, then to what degree must such a bond be established? Some times very liitle is expected. Other times there must be a deep commitment and considerable love. But in all cases, the emotional component is up to the two individuals to establish.
Some people will say that in order for intercourse before marriage to be moral their must be a deep and abiding love. Others, say that a lesser degree of love is adequate. While others say love is not necessary at all. Whatever the case the only morality that really counts is that of the two people involved. I certainly don't expect anyone to live according to my moral standards, although it would be nice, nor do I live according to the standards of others.
Teens are sexual beings, and the best we can do to help them with their sexuality is to strongly impress upon them the possible pitfalls: primarily pregnancy and STDs. Other than that, I see no reason why teens should be denied the pleasure of sex, of any kind. No more so than any two single adults. Of course, just like irresponsible teen driving, if a teen is sexually irresponsible they shouldn't be engaging in any kind of sexual activity that has possible bad consequences.
Last edited by Washington; 11th July 2008 at 11:36 PM.
No matter how many times you tell a teenager "DON'T DO THAT!!!", they will do it anyway if they really want to. I was a teenager not too long ago so I remember what it was like. What a responsible parent would do is teach their teen about sexual education, about condoms and birth control pills, etc, because it's insane to assume they will never be curious about sex.
Besides, not everyone agrees with the idea of getting married, myself being one of those people.
Though I'd like to know how waiting until you're married to have sex somehow constitutes having integrity. 
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