Older guys and younger girls

LinkH · #61 3rd July 2012, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by Sailor_A

Then there are those men who are controlling and choose a younger girl because she is easier to be manipulated; she usually has less knowledge and life experience than him. He can take advantage of her. For those people they do not usually see this girl as an equal partner but more like a child or a pet. I'd say in those cases it is a bad thing.

Our society has some pretty messed up ideas about marriage and gender roles that aren't always consistent with Christianity. The desire to marry a more compliant younger woman who defers to the husband's leadership is not always as negative as the example you give. An older man could want to be with a younger woman because he thinks she will be more likely to submit to him and defer to his leadership out of a motivation to have a godly household that lives according to God's word. I've heard similar arguments for marrying a woman from Asia. I don't know any man personally who looked for an Asian wife with this in mind. As someone who is married to an Asian woman whose lived much of his life in Asia, though, my observation is that women are women and race or culture doesn't guarantee anything when it comes to these kinds of dynamics in relationships.

My wife is about three years younger than I am. The age difference was not that big of a deal at the age we married.

Sailor_A · #62 20th July 2012, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by LinkH

Our society has some pretty messed up ideas about marriage and gender roles that aren't always consistent with Christianity. The desire to marry a more compliant younger woman who defers to the husband's leadership is not always as negative as the example you give. An older man could want to be with a younger woman because he thinks she will be more likely to submit to him and defer to his leadership out of a motivation to have a godly household that lives according to God's word. I've heard similar arguments for marrying a woman from Asia. I don't know any man personally who looked for an Asian wife with this in mind. As someone who is married to an Asian woman whose lived much of his life in Asia, though, my observation is that women are women and race or culture doesn't guarantee anything when it comes to these kinds of dynamics in relationships.

My wife is about three years younger than I am. The age difference was not that big of a deal at the age we married.

Some people regardless of the era seem to disregard Jesus's commandments on how we should treat one another instead using the bible as a tool to abuse and mistreat another. You wife whether older, younger or the same age as you is a person and deserves to be treated with as much love and respect and you would yourself desire to be treated with. If you feel you are doing this then there would be no need to respond as you did to my post. Choosing a person with no life experience because you wish to manipulate, control and coerce that person into doing your will is not what I believe Christian marriage is about. Incidentally this is also why many western civilizations frown upon pedophilia. You are personally allowed to think such is an acceptable practice. In many countries a girl can be married even before she enters puberty. I mean a child is even easier to control than a grown up woman in most cases.

My husband is older than me as I have mentioned. He does not want me to follow him as a child because he is not God. He wants me to follow him as the consenting adult he married. Evidently I don't really have a problem with age differences but that doesn't mean I don't see any propensity to evil. For every disposition there is some propensity to evil.

California Dreamin' · #63 30th July 2012, 03:07 PM

I am 26 years old and my boyfriend is 43. We haven't been together that long yet.
I am divorced and really want to have a family. He's never had kids, I've never had kids, and we want to.

I've met very nice guys who already have 3 kids...

I am attracted to him because at his age, he's more serious about settling down. We are both of legal age.

jpcedotal · #64 30th July 2012, 03:14 PM

I am 38, my fiance' (who was my wife at one time) is 30, we have a 12 year old daughter.

I got her father's consent before I asked her out for the first time. I think as long as the man (that's a key word) gets the ok from the girl's parents, then it is ok. If there has to be any sneaking around, the man (again this is key) should back off and wait til the girl is 18.

jpcedotal · #65 30th July 2012, 03:17 PM

When my daughter get 15-17, and happens to get interested in a man over 20, and I don't like him and tell him "no and stay away"; it would best for him to heed my judgement... *edit* it will be bad for him, very bad. *edit*

I edited my post because of recent events, not because I was not completely serious.

California Dreamin' · #66 1st August 2012, 10:43 AM

Well that's also kind of illegal anyway.

LinkH · #67 2nd August 2012, 06:26 PM

Originally Posted by Sailor_A

Some people regardless of the era seem to disregard Jesus's commandments on how we should treat one another instead using the bible as a tool to abuse and mistreat another. You wife whether older, younger or the same age as you is a person and deserves to be treated with as much love and respect and you would yourself desire to be treated with. If you feel you are doing this then there would be no need to respond as you did to my post.

Your last sentence here is irrational. My wife is just a few years younger than me. I did not marry a very young girl so she'd follow me around.

Your post just presents a couple of possible scenarios explaining why an older man might want to marry a young woman. I presented a third. That is no reason to make an implicit personal attack on me or my marriage.

Choosing a person with no life experience because you wish to manipulate, control and coerce that person into doing your will is not what I believe Christian marriage is about.

You use negative words. Substitute 'mentor', 'lead', and 'guide.' These weren't motivations I had in choosing a spouse, but they could be for some men are do actually marry younger women.

Incidentally this is also why many western civilizations frown upon pedophilia. You are personally allowed to think such is an acceptable practice.

!!!
Why would you imply such a thing? I find your comments insulting. I'm thinking of young women in their early 20's or maybe late teens at the yongest. Marrying a 19 to 25 year old is not pedophilia.

Sailor_A · #68 6th August 2012, 04:41 PM

Originally Posted by LinkH

Your last sentence here is irrational.

Why?

My wife is just a few years younger than me. I did not marry a very young girl so she'd follow me around.

OK. This is not to do with you personally, I merely highlighted situations where the older younger dynamic may be "problematic". I've already said my husband is much older than I am and I do not believe he did that. Even though I did marry an older guy I am still able to stand back and look at why it may not be a good idea in many situations depending on your intentions. I think we can fall into the trap of thinking that just because something worked for us it is the elixir of life or comes with no problems. I like looking at all the possibilities.

Your post just presents a couple of possible scenarios explaining why an older man might want to marry a young woman. I presented a third. That is no reason to make an implicit personal attack on me or my marriage.

My apologies that you think I was attacking your marriage. I was not. Can you honestly say that you were not trying to attack me by bringing up things on what society says on gender roles as if that had anything to do with my first post? You presented a third scenario that I believed could also be abused. In actual fact any situation can be abused. You see it does depend on both parties. I'll give you a third then... because he loves her, cares for her and believes they can work together as a team

.

You use negative words. Substitute 'mentor', 'lead', and 'guide.' These weren't motivations I had in choosing a spouse, but they could be for some men are do actually marry younger women.

You know those were the reasons my parents had for wanting to become teachers and parents but not for a spouse. Still to each his own. I like to be careful before proclaiming things as right or wrong so often I'll leave it and just look at what may come of it. I was highlighting why such relations may be problematic. Your ideas (and this is not you personally) of what it is to mentor, lead and guide may not be what I would call positive. I was only giving the "possible" problems since I have a successful marriage with my husband.

!!!
Why would you imply such a thing? I find your comments insulting. I'm thinking of young women in their early 20's or maybe late teens at the yongest. Marrying a 19 to 25 year old is not pedophilia.

Imply what? You find it insulting that a person can think whatever they like. I never said that marrying a 19-25 year old was pedophilia. Are you being serious? I met my husband at 18 so do you really believe I think marrying a 19-25 year old is pedophilia? Besides that, pedophilia is attraction to prepubescent children. I was trying to relate that young people are often targeted because it is believed their will can be more easily bent that that of older people. They often do have less life experience, often less knowledge, lack financial security. This not a bad thing except when someone wishes to abuse it.

Sailor_A · #69 6th August 2012, 04:41 PM

Originally Posted by LinkH

Your last sentence here is irrational.

Why?

My wife is just a few years younger than me. I did not marry a very young girl so she'd follow me around.

OK. This is not to do with you personally, I merely highlighted situations where the older younger dynamic may be "problematic". I've already said my husband is much older than I am and I do not believe he did that. Even though I did marry an older guy I am still able to stand back and look at why it may not be a good idea in many situations depending on your intentions. I think we can fall into the trap of thinking that just because something worked for us it is the elixir of life or comes with no problems. I like looking at all the possibilities.

Your post just presents a couple of possible scenarios explaining why an older man might want to marry a young woman. I presented a third. That is no reason to make an implicit personal attack on me or my marriage.

My apologies that you think I was attacking your marriage. I was not. Can you honestly say that you were not trying to attack me by bringing up things on what society says on gender roles as if that had anything to do with my first post? You presented a third scenario that I believed could also be abused. In actual fact any situation can be abused. You see it does depend on both parties. I'll give you a third then... because he loves her, cares for her and believes they can work together as a team

.

You use negative words. Substitute 'mentor', 'lead', and 'guide.' These weren't motivations I had in choosing a spouse, but they could be for some men are do actually marry younger women.

You know those were the reasons my parents had for wanting to become teachers and parents but not for a spouse. Still to each his own. I like to be careful before proclaiming things as right or wrong so often I'll leave it and just look at what may come of it. I was highlighting why such relations may be problematic. Your ideas (and this is not you personally) of what it is to mentor, lead and guide may not be what I would call positive. I was only giving the "possible" problems since I have a successful marriage with my husband.

!!!
Why would you imply such a thing? I find your comments insulting. I'm thinking of young women in their early 20's or maybe late teens at the yongest. Marrying a 19 to 25 year old is not pedophilia.

Imply what? You find it insulting that a person can think whatever they like. I never said that marrying a 19-25 year old was pedophilia. Are you being serious? I met my husband at 18 so do you really believe I think marrying a 19-25 year old is pedophilia? Besides that, pedophilia is attraction to prepubescent children. I was trying to relate that young people are often targeted because it is believed their will can be more easily bent that that of older people. They often do have less life experience, often less knowledge, lack financial security. This not a bad thing except when someone wishes to abuse it.