It explains it all. I am just so frusterated. I dont think I can happily keep at my church when our pastors views are God then family and church ministry all in one bunch. My priorities are God, Family then church ministry and im being scrutinized for not being a slave to the church. Also being scrutinized for how I dress. Pretty much Im being picked apart, all of me and who i am pretty much, i dont feel good enough. I was told im not being a blessing to my husbands ministry.
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It sounds like a really tough situation to be in. The pastor and family always seem to be more closely scrutinized and I think sometimes we forget they are human like the rest of us.
What does your husband think about this situation? I'm not sure what your options are or what you should do, but it sounds like the two of you have some things to think about.
One of my close friends is a pastor's wife and I know she is expected to go up and above the call of duty - so I try really hard to treat her only as a friend - not the pastor's wife. Sometimes it's difficult, especially when I'm frustrated with something happening at church. Not to side track what's going on with you, just to say that I think we get insensitive sometimes and forget.
If you could see things differently and more in line with your vision of ministry, what would be different? What would your husband see differently?
I'm glad you're sharing. I hope other members will join in and give feedback and thoughts as well.
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I am so sorry for what you are going through. The issues seem to be many faceted.
firstly, is there a human resources commitee? if so, your hubby needs to talk to them, or better yet, to the pastor with one of them present. That behaviour is never acceptable. Ministry staff get beat up enough, they don't need it from each other too.
You have every right to be frustrated. I agree with you about the order of your priority. that's what my dad did while we were growing up, and what DH does now. Our young families actually thank us for it.
I'll keep you in prayer,...while your praying, get out your biggest shoulder pads, and let things just bounce off. If you, DH and God are all okay with how you and he are responding at church, then so be it.
I'm sorry you are having touble with this. It IS very hard to be married to someone in ministry. People just expect more from you. Was your husband in ministry before you were married? Sometimes wives aren't prepared for what life is going to be like being married to someone in ministry. Even more so when their husbands enter ministry after they are married.
I wish you the very best. The only thing I can offer is to go to God and pray. He will guide you.
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I am experiencing something of the same nature. I have been married to a PK/Minister of Music for 6 months and it seems that I am scrutinized completely. If I have a run in my stockings, it's noticed.
And what I wasn't prepared for were the groupies. A woman in our church constantly tries to link herself with my husband. While my husband tries to remain professional, she tries to insinuate herself in everything done at the church and openly seeks him out.
You have every right to be annoyed and feel overly-criticized when someone said that you weren´t a blessing to your husband´s ministry. What did your DH say to that? Try to let comments like this bounce off you and not gain entrance to your mind or heart, refuse to acept them. Do what you know is right and be in agreement with your husband as regards his ministry and "detach" when someone known for being too free with their nit-picking comments approaches you. My philosophy is to smile and say thank-you, and when alone leave it with the Lord.
You have every right to be annoyed and feel overly-criticized when someone said that you weren´t a blessing to your husband´s ministry. What did your DH say to that? Try to let comments like this bounce off you and not gain entrance to your mind or heart, refuse to acept them. Do what you know is right and be in agreement with your husband as regards his ministry and "detach" when someone known for being too free with their nit-picking comments approaches you. My philosophy is to smile and say thank-you, and when alone leave it with the Lord.
I couldn't agree more. Sometimes it can be hard to delve into this life because of the issues, but we women have to be strong and know that God is leading not only us, but our marriages and our roles in the ministry as well. I wish I could say that the nit-picking stops, but it doesn't, so you have to come up with ways to not even let get to you.
Pray for guidance, and pray for a healthy church to be in. Also your husband needs to make it clear that you are his wife, they should respect you. If you have to change anything they have to understand that God is the one who with love will help you in some areas. Pray again for a healthy church to be in, a church of love for Jesus and who will love you too.
God bless you...
__________________ Mrs. Linda Martinez
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I couldn't agree more. Sometimes it can be hard to delve into this life because of the issues, but we women have to be strong and know that God is leading not only us, but our marriages and our roles in the ministry as well. I wish I could say that the nit-picking stops, but it doesn't, so you have to come up with ways to not even let get to you. 
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