Home | Be a Christian | Devotionals | Join Us! | Forums | Rules | F.A.Q.


Go Back   Christian Forums > Recovery > Recovery > Struggles with Sexuality
Register BlogsPrayersJobsArcade Calendar Mark Forums Read

Struggles with Sexuality A new forum open to ALL members who are struggling with sexuality issues (including homosexuality). All posts will be reviewed before being made public. NOTE: Only Christians are allowed to reply and offer support here.

Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Unread 6th June 2004, 09:12 PM
Goodbye

Gender: Male Faith: Agnostic Member For 5 Years
 
Join Date: 31st August 2003
Posts: 2,952
Blessings: 146,643
Reps: 3,295 (power: 17)
doofus125 is a glorious beacon of light
doofus125 is a glorious beacon of lightdoofus125 is a glorious beacon of lightdoofus125 is a glorious beacon of light
Sad Tired of Struggling

I have struggled with homosexuality since I was 14 years old.....I'm 25 now, that's 11 years of depression, anger, frustration, confustion, and being hurt. I've come to a point as a christian where I will be finding myself without accountability because my accountability partner is moving. I have a friend who is 500 miles away and a friend who lives 2 miles away.....they both know my struggle, but the one who lives the closest to me is still a little freaked out about it and the one that I can talk to is to far away to meet with and it's hard to get together on the phone. I have another friend, well now x-friend who I suspect has the same struggle as I do, but when questioned he denied it and the reason we are x-friends now is still a mystery to me because he left me a voicemail telling me he was "terminateing our friendship" without any explanation so I can only suspect he feared that he was going to give in or make a move that he would regret.

I'm so confused and hurt at this point that I am afraid to trust anyone. My relationship with God hasn't been there....I haven't been able to pray, read, or attend church mostly because of pride and past hurts that I just don't know how to let go of. I guess I'm posting here because I am at the end of my rope, I have no idea which direction to turn anymore and I can feel myself slipping back into a depression and this time I just don't know if I'm going to make it through it.

Dying inside,

Bill
Become a CF Site Supporter Today and Make These Ads Go Away!

  #2  
Unread 9th June 2004, 03:49 AM
LynneClomina's Avatar
Veteran

40 Gender: Female Faith: Calvinist Country: Canada Member For 5 Years
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 31st January 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,938
Blessings: 110,705
Reps: 1,153 (power: 13)
LynneClomina is a glorious beacon of lightLynneClomina is a glorious beacon of lightLynneClomina is a glorious beacon of lightLynneClomina is a glorious beacon of lightLynneClomina is a glorious beacon of lightLynneClomina is a glorious beacon of lightLynneClomina is a glorious beacon of lightLynneClomina is a glorious beacon of lightLynneClomina is a glorious beacon of light
hi, doof...um, bill.

glad your thread got through!

i had similar struggles since i was about 8 until i was about 25 (i'm 30 now). i wont say i am never tempted, but the Lord has given me the strength to resist, and given me a yearning for "biblical womanhood" and all that entails.

i have a good friend who has serious struggles and we support each other quite a bit - but it's something that does indeed need to be tread upon carefully so as temptation doesnt come in. but i've only had her friendship for the last year or two, prior to that i was all on my own when it came to ppl understanding where you're coming from.

your reasoning behind your ex-friend teminating your friendship sounds about right, unfortunately. that is one reason it is seriously hard to find ppl to help you get through things. i think its important to find someone more of a mother/father figure (hopefully that's a GOOD relationship to the person... ) rather than a peer for that reason. and/or, someone who has been freed from it for a while and has a great deal of integrity and strength to resist possible temptations.

often a struggle seems to go on and on and we lose faith that God is going to do something; but He already is, we just can't see it yet. past hurts and pride are a hard thing to know how to let go of; on day, something will just click for you, and God will reveal it to you. it's our responsibility to just keep on seeking for God to bring that "click" - that He'll turn on the lightbulb that our soul needs to step out of its darkness... just keep talking to God, and to friends and ppl who can support you; hopefully this new forum will help provide that. dont worry about "praying right", just talk to Him. He is the best friend you have ever had, and He is with you all day every day, just waiting for you to talk to Him.... and listen to Him, too. when you catch yourself thinking to yourself - think to God instead. talk His ear off. pour it out on Him. He's waiting for you to.

i think one #1 thing to get into your heart, is this: if you are seeking to be pure, and be obedient to God, and leave this lifestyle, then you are by definition NOT a homosexual. you have temptations and weaknesses in that area, but you are chooseing to not live for yourself, you are living for God. and He didnt create you for sin; the moment you forsake that lifestyle in favor of God's way, you are no longer a willingly active homosexual seeking to justify their behaviour - you are a tempted child of God who can do all things through Christ - and that includes living a godly life. dont think you are trying to get OUT of it, you ARE out of it, and the enemy tries to pull you back. as a child of God, you no longer HAVE to live that way. God can and will give the strength needed to resist. you dont have to get yourself through the "door" to the other side of godly living; Christ has already brought you through the door, and made you a NEW CREATION. does it feel like it? very possilbly not. but it is TRUTH, ok? your responsibility is to keep seeking His face and resisting temptation. keep getting support and input from christians who can give it (not all can, sadly), and stay open, ie. don't isolate yourself. when you are struggling, tell ppl you are struggling. don't walk in shame. never did i feel so much freedom until AFTER i started being point blank honest with ppl about where i've come from. i dont tell every person i meet, but ppl who i have relationship with and can trust, i will not hide. if i feel fearful to share, i share anyways, i will not let fear isolate me again.

hoping to hear from you soon again, Bill.

Lynne
__________________
A life lived in fear is a life half lived.
~Strictly Ballroom
  #3  
Unread 9th June 2004, 05:58 AM
mpshiel's Avatar
Senior Veteran

43 Gender: Female Married Faith: Christian Member For 5 Years
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 22nd November 2003
Location: I've been told "Sodom" so I guess that's close enough
Posts: 2,058
Blessings: 51,465
My Mood Tired
Reps: 18,747,667,136,190,128 (power: 18,747,667,136,203)
mpshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond repute
mpshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond repute
Doofus,

Get counselling, really! I am not trying to push you on way or another. But from what you are saying, you are too isolated and too close to all these issues to make a decision.

When I was going through the same things, I was desperate in both the need to keep silence and the need to "find a solution" - I had the idea that there was some magic thing I could do so I bounced into whatever strange idea came into my head - Maybe I'm not praying enough, so I will pray for 48 striaght hours; maybe I am not repentant enough, etc.

With a counsellor, you willl be able to slowly pull off the different feelings you have and examine them in a safe space allowing you to decide what YOU want to do as well as having someone who can accept the struggles you are going through without judging or looking down on you. I went to the university because they offered free counselling and I didn't want the church to know. The hardest thing was went the person filling out the form said, "And the nature of the counselling?" - and I squeeked out, "sexual." It even took a few sessions before I was convinced that the consellor wasn't judging me.

But seriously, it sounds like you really need a "safe space" in your life where you can work this through.
  #4  
Unread 9th June 2004, 03:37 PM
Lieutenant

28 Gender: Male Faith: Christian Country: United States Member For 5 Years
 
Join Date: 20th January 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 149
Blessings: 146,617
Reps: 25 (power: 0)
Curtis Frantz is on a distinguished road
I've had urges myself, though they've never been extremely strong. I can't help you so much get rid of those, and I'm not even sure that they will go away. But I do know that no matter what you're going through, God will pull you through it. I'm personally on the tail end (as far as I can tell) of one of the darkest times of my life. It started by my girlfriend, who've I had had a romantic relationship with for a year and a half, dumping me. With a couple of days of that, school was out for spring break and my parents had to work. And on top of that, I had my foot operated on, so I couldn't go anywhere. Alone, severly depressed, and bored, I had no where to go to but to God. And He opened His arms for me. About a month later, a good friend of mine from Church died of cancer. I have a feeling that without God, I would probably have gotten so depressed, I wouldn't have been coming back. But I do, and you can to, just go to Him. Pray for His presence in your life. May I suggest the book "The Jesus I Never Knew". It truly made Christ much more real for me in my time of need. It may do the same for you. God bless my friend, my brother in Christ.
  #5  
Unread 17th June 2004, 02:08 PM
DaveKerwin's Avatar
Represent the Most High

33 Gender: Male Married Faith: Christian Country: United States Member For 5 Years
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 31st May 2002
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 4,677
Blessings: 161,967
Reps: 2,628 (power: 19)
DaveKerwin is a glorious beacon of lightDaveKerwin is a glorious beacon of lightDaveKerwin is a glorious beacon of lightDaveKerwin is a glorious beacon of lightDaveKerwin is a glorious beacon of lightDaveKerwin is a glorious beacon of lightDaveKerwin is a glorious beacon of lightDaveKerwin is a glorious beacon of lightDaveKerwin is a glorious beacon of lightDaveKerwin is a glorious beacon of lightDaveKerwin is a glorious beacon of lightDaveKerwin is a glorious beacon of lightDaveKerwin is a glorious beacon of lightDaveKerwin is a glorious beacon of light
Lynne, that was an absolutely AWESOME post.

Bill my friend, take her advice seriously and apply every word of it.

On top of that, I do encourage you to read the Bible eventhough you may not find God very much in it. Our journey with God is always coupled with faith. Believe as you read, and just do it whether you want to or not. I suggest getting the Message version of the Bible. It is written very plainly, and in new ways you never heard it before. I believe with my brothers and sisters here that there is hope in Christ. Never give up.

Love from Christ and his people!
__________________
Psalm 40: 2
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
  #6  
Unread 24th June 2004, 10:29 AM
Polycarp1's Avatar
Born-again Liberal Episcopalian

65 Gender: Male Married Faith: Anglican Party: US-Democrat Country: United States Member For 5 Years Fisherman
 
Join Date: 4th September 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 10,261
Blessings: 2,262,865
Reps: 262,607,594,537,243,968 (power: 262,607,594,537,265)
Polycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond repute
Polycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond repute
You know, I've been outspoken on how this Forum needs to find a way to help people in your boat, and you in particular, but I've never taken the time to write specifically for you, doofus. Please forgive that, and pray for me.

It occurs to me that probably the key point is that nothing you can feel, say, or do will take you beyond the reach of God's grace, and that's probably the most important thing you need to keep in mind.

Several years ago, I had occasion to have a dialogue with a Mormon boy who was not only gay, but also a paranoid schizophrenic (on medication, thank God!) and with a strong phobia against being with large numbers of people, so he couldn't even get support from his church.

I'd say first that you must realize, not only in your head but in your heart, that God loves you. You'll have seen the hundreds of threads about your sexuality and what people think that He thinks about it -- but your sexuality is not the whole of you. He made you; He loves you; He is working within you for your salvation and healing. He knows your sexual thoughts and feelings, and still loves you unconditionally and more greatly than anyone human can express.

And everything that happens, is part of His Plan. He made or allowed you to be gay -- why, is a question I don't have the answer to. But recognizing that this is the case, and that your task is to live out a moral life in service to Him, with your sexuality, is the first step towards dealing with your problem. If God loves you, and does not condemn you for what you cannot help, ought you not to love yourself and accept who you are?

Having done that, you must then seek to use every part of yourself, including your sexuality, to the glory of God. As a child, I was small, weak, un-athletic, and as a result ostracized by my classmates and playmates. But God allowed me to go through that in order to implant in me a desire to reach out and help those who feel outcast and rejected. Certainly you, struggling with your sexual desires, have a better handle on how other people in your boat might feel than almost anyone else on this board. A wise author once wrote of being "a wounded healer" -- one who finds in his pain and suffering the means to help others with similar pain and suffering. This may be your role in life.

There are a few people on this board who have been delivered from homosexuality -- kdet is one of the most outspoken of these, and if you have not discussed your circumstances privately with her, I strongly encourage it. Her public posts are often very polemic, but she is one of the sweetest people I know of on a one-on-one basis, and I have a strong feeling that she can be a great deal of help to you.

I will not get into the question of what is moral or immoral for you to do -- the Holy Spirit working within you will lead and guide you if you give Him room to do so. What I feel called to say is that you must not obsess over your particular temptation to sin, but rather find ways to glorify God in your own life, including using that particular burden you bear to His glory and your own healing. Because that healing is, bluntly, there for the asking. I cannot tell you in what way He will heal you of the burden you bear, but I am confident that in His own amazing way, He will work in your heart and soul to shape you into a glorious creature. And remember that He enabled you to feel gay tendencies for a reason, which only He knows, and it is for you to live out the purpose behind why He did so, being led by and trusting in the Holy Spirit.

And keep this in mind:
[bible]Romans 8:31-39[/bible]

Hateful people may reject you. But He never does. Be at peace in His love.
__________________
"It is written, 'My house shall be a house of prayer,' but you have made it a den of thieves." -Jesus


"You've got to be taught before it's too late / Before you are six or seven or eight / To hate all the people your relatives hate / You've got to be carefully taught." - Oscar Hammerstein II
  #7  
Unread 24th June 2004, 09:31 PM
Goodbye

Gender: Male Faith: Agnostic Member For 5 Years
 
Join Date: 31st August 2003
Posts: 2,952
Blessings: 146,643
Reps: 3,295 (power: 17)
doofus125 is a glorious beacon of light
doofus125 is a glorious beacon of lightdoofus125 is a glorious beacon of lightdoofus125 is a glorious beacon of light
I just wanted to say thank you for all of your encouragement and prayers. I haven't faced any of the issues in the past couple of weeks because I've submerged myself with work. I figure if I don't have time to worry about it then it's not a problem so I've been working double shifts and coming home and going straight to bed. At some point things may change, but at this point I'm very angry with God and want nothing to do with him and I have nothing to say to him. Yes, he has hurt me, yes he has deserted me, I don't care what the bible says because he has.
  #8  
Unread 6th July 2004, 04:44 PM
Goodbye

Gender: Male Faith: Agnostic Member For 5 Years
 
Join Date: 31st August 2003
Posts: 2,952
Blessings: 146,643
Reps: 3,295 (power: 17)
doofus125 is a glorious beacon of light
doofus125 is a glorious beacon of lightdoofus125 is a glorious beacon of lightdoofus125 is a glorious beacon of light
Ok, so I went to church on sunday and I realized that people are the one's that have hurt me, yet I still don't have any desire to go to church or spend time with God. I don't want anything to do with anyone anymore, but what's wrong with me that I dont' care or want a relationship with God? I think it's because I'm tired of trying to live a bunch of rules that I don't want to live by. Any thoughts?
  #9  
Unread 6th July 2004, 07:11 PM
Polycarp1's Avatar
Born-again Liberal Episcopalian

65 Gender: Male Married Faith: Anglican Party: US-Democrat Country: United States Member For 5 Years Fisherman
 
Join Date: 4th September 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 10,261
Blessings: 2,262,865
Reps: 262,607,594,537,243,968 (power: 262,607,594,537,265)
Polycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond repute
Polycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond reputePolycarp1 has a reputation beyond repute
"Footprints" -- if you know the story, you know just what I'm saying.

And I think you have it right on target -- being a Christian is not a matter of following rules, but of enjoying new and richer life in Christ. He knows and loves you, and is very well aware of how you feel. I'm not encouraging you to sin here, but try relaxing and not feeling the guilt from your sexuality for a bit, and letting His love percolate into your spirit -- and see if that changes your feelings towards Him.
__________________
"It is written, 'My house shall be a house of prayer,' but you have made it a den of thieves." -Jesus


"You've got to be taught before it's too late / Before you are six or seven or eight / To hate all the people your relatives hate / You've got to be carefully taught." - Oscar Hammerstein II
  #10  
Unread 6th July 2004, 07:33 PM
mpshiel's Avatar
Senior Veteran

43 Gender: Female Married Faith: Christian Member For 5 Years
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 22nd November 2003
Location: I've been told "Sodom" so I guess that's close enough
Posts: 2,058
Blessings: 51,465
My Mood Tired
Reps: 18,747,667,136,190,128 (power: 18,747,667,136,203)
mpshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond repute
mpshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond reputempshiel has a reputation beyond repute
Well, it sounds like you are working through your hurts which is good. I think recognizing the difference between the way God sees us and the way other people who want to tell us they represent God and how they see us are two very different things.

I still think it would be good for you to get some counselling over these issues. I would ask, how do you see God - as someone who is angry or despises you whenever you don't do what you are told? Or someone who is like a best friend, they may not like everything you do, but they like you and they like being around you?
Closed Thread


Return to Struggles with Sexuality

Thread Tools
Display Modes


 
Become a CF Site Supporter Today and Make These Ads Go Away!


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:29 AM.