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  #41  
Unread 7th July 2004, 02:55 AM
Sixshooter

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Originally Posted by thirstforGod
My son is almost 9 and has had maybe 5 spankings. I use a paddle on the outside of his jeans. I paddle him for certain reasons only. Lying is a major offense in my home. If he does something he knows he shouldnt, he gets privledges taken away. But if he LIES about it..he gets a paddleling. He gets 3 swats after which I tell him I love him and that I want him to grow up to be a good man. I always ask him why he was spanked and he has to tell me. That way he knows why its happening. He is one of the few children I know that will NOT lie. I do not tolerate fighting or disrespect either. But I never give more than three swats and I never punish without explanation and lots of love. He has never struggled because if he does he gets an extra swat.
Just do the punishment and don't lecture him afterwards...he is not interested. My stepfather would lecture me for days when I had already ben punished. Punish him and let it be over.
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  #42  
Unread 7th July 2004, 03:01 AM
Sixshooter

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jhco50 is just really nicejhco50 is just really nicejhco50 is just really nicejhco50 is just really nicejhco50 is just really nicejhco50 is just really nice
Originally Posted by Totally Transformed
Kimmie, please go to Dr. Dobson's web site at this url:

http://family-topics.custhelp.com/cg...nking&p_page=1

I spank my children and I used his advice and it works! Never spank in anger. Use a neutral object. Never spank with your hand. The hand should always be used to comfort and show love. Speak words of love to them as you spank. Hug and kiss them afterwards. Always spank on the bare bottom. He says spanking should not continue after the age of 8 or begin before 18 months. Lots of good advice from Dr. Dobson.

My son tried to wiggle and squirm, but I just held him tightly so he couldn't move. I usually just had to spank one time sometimes two. Once I heard the tears I knew it was time to stop. Although the tears are there as you're getting ready, you know which tears I'm talking about. Not the ones to get out of being disciplined. Now my son will just come and pull down his pants willingly and lie across my lap when it's time for a spanking. I'd say I've only had to spank him about 10-15 times and he's now 7. My daughter has learned from her brother. She's 3 1/2 and has been spanked maybe 3 times. As soon as I tell her she is going to be spanked she obeys. Same with my son. Funny how they do what you tell them when they know something bad is going to happen.
I don't agree with Mr. Dobson on most issues. BTW, I don't believe he has a doctrate in anything. He has become wealthy, though. He lives in a gated community near Gardon of the Gods here in the Springs.
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  #43  
Unread 8th July 2004, 03:56 AM
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Disagree

Originally Posted by jhco50
I don't agree with Mr. Dobson on most issues. BTW, I don't believe he has a doctrate in anything.
About Dr. James C. Dobson Ph.D... For 14 years Dr. Dobson was an Associate Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at the University of Southern California School of Medicine, and served for 17 years on the Attending Staff of Children's Hospital of Los Angeles in the Division of Child Development and Medical Genetics. He has an earned Ph.D. from the University of Southern California (1967) in the field of child development. He is a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, a licensed psychologist in California, and is listed in Who's Who in Medicine and Healthcare.

I got the above from Dr Dobson's bio on family.org.
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  #44  
Unread 8th July 2004, 09:55 AM
awake

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1. Should a hand or object be used? What object do you use to administer a spanking?

The hand is a direct connection to mommy and daddy hitting them with themselves. Using an instrument to do the deed seperates the two.

Wooden spoon is a good stinger. rubbermaid or wooden spatula too.
Later on when they are bigger a belt is good.

My cousin made a swatter from a length of leather and a hack saw blade.
He covered the blade in the leather and bound it and crafted a handle for it. It looked very proffesional like you would have bought it at a store or something. While it was a very effective instrument and small and convienient for travel, I thought it a bit cruel that he wasted his time (which his children so desperately desire) crafting an instrument for discipline.

2. Should it be done over clothing or bare bottom? Some say it's more effective bare bottom.

Bare bottoms, gets a good sting going, plus you know exactly where your blow will fall, if you can't see you may just be smacking them on their legs and not know it. Which is quiet painful and cruel

3. How many swats should be given? When do you stop the spanking?

Pain threshold assesment is key here. Every child will be different, and every child will be crying on the first swat, so good luck on that one. If you stick to the buttocks you'l be fine.

4. What do you do if they try and kick and get away during a spanking?

Gotta hold 'em down. I was always told not to move or I might injure myself more by making dad hit my leg or something. Of course I always squirmed, so a Good stong forearm across the back does a good job.


From a previous post of mine:

As with any tool you use, you have to know how to use it. If you love your children and you are a true follower of Christ you will do fine.

My father used to smack my butt till I was almost biting a hole in the bed mattress. At least that's what it felt like.

It was always very structured:
He showed me in scripture where our Lord told us to do this
He always told me when I was getting one
He always told me why I was getting one
He never spanked while he was angry
He always did it just on my butt, never anywhere that could be damaged by a blow.
He never exceeded spanking more than was necessary
He always told me it hurt him more
He always cried when he was done, and sometimes during.
He always held me and cried with me afterward, and told me how much he loved me.


Once I had taken my licks I was free to go, no grudge, no hardfeelings, my offense was paid for, and I couldn't be held responsible for it anymore.
We could be father and son again and play catch or do whatever (sound familiar?)



Looking back, it was very good for me.

I respected my father, and knew I couldn't give mom the shaft while dad was away at work.
I knew I had to be a man like my father, more importantly I had to be that man when he wasn't around.
I knew just how much he loved me by the emotion he showed during these times.
I knew just how much he loved mom, by what he was willing to do to protect her honor.
I knew he absoloutly hated to do it.
I knew that I had created a debt, and taken responsibility for my actions like a man has to do for the rest of his life.
and lastley I knew not to do it again.

I wasn't ever wooped for anything petty either. It would be mostly for direct disobediance of orders (I was a bullheaded jerk), destruction of property, hassleing my mother to tears, that kind of stuff.
In fact I don't think I got a "GOOD" spanking, but a few times. The other ones were usually administered by my mom with a wooden spoon, just a swat on the butt here and there or whatever, but for the major ones I got the whole pomp and circumstance tour down the hall with dad.



My father was the son of an alcoholic, and had many family problems. He received many brutal beetings with no love involved and never with any care for his health or body.

I think this played a key role in shaping how he would administer the woopins. I'm sure in his heart he never wanted me or my brother to feal the emotional pain and scars of an undeserved spanking or rather a full on "@**-beating" without love and direction being the motive.


~
__________________
" The glory of God is man fully alive "
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"It was those who loved him most who died young. He was the rock they broke themselves against."

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  #45  
Unread 14th July 2004, 12:03 AM
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I have a 5 year old son and i have never and will never ever physically punish him i believe it is abuse. How degrading for the child to have the ones they love (mum, dad) to humiliate them in this way. I think it will mentally scar them for life and i refuse to be a part of it. There are other more effective ways for punishment. I know a day of been banned of his playstation or no pocket money for the week will be far more punishing to him than physically abusing him. Just my opinion.
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  #46  
Unread 16th July 2004, 09:21 AM
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Wow. I just joined this forum and it hit on a subject a friend and I discussed last night. A few months ago her 12 year old son and my 9 year old son were playing with another child. The "other' child told my son that if he said the"B" word that he would tell him how to win at a video game. my son asked"Do you mean B----?" The 12 year old and the other child began laughing and my 9 year old son ran to me crying that he said bad word. I punished all involved by taking away their McDonald's Happy Meal toys that I bought immediately before the incident. She said her child knows not to cuss but he doesn't know not to laugh at people when they cuss. She said that he has probably never wanted to bring toys to my house since because he thinks I will take them away. I gave her 3 different examples of toys he has brought to my house since. I asked her why he wants to come over all the time if the incident was so difficult for him to handle and why he didn't tell her. She is the type of parent who smacks her children and spanks with a wooden spoon. i would never spank someone else's child but do believe there has to be consistent rules so the children know the bottom line when they visit and I enjoy their company. I told her her 12 year old is an extraordinarily intelligent young man and there is no doubt in my mind that he knows not to laugh when people cuss. am I wrong for setting up ground rules in my home by taking things away. And if this works well with my own children shouldn't I do this before spanking? I believe in spanking but I have a 5 year old that forgets the whole thing after the spanking is done. He does it again and again. But taking away something that has meaning has a lasting impact upon him. She told me that spanking is in the bible so it will work every time. Taking away privileges is not in the Bible. I personally believe in spanking but I also believe if it doesn't work then a parent needs to find something that does. I believe the "rod" was used for guiding sheep not beating them . and whatever practices guide our children to appropriate Christian Behavior fall into this frame work. What do you think? Was I wrong to assume a 12 year ol whose parents do not cuss doesn't know that he should not laugh when others cuss?
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  #47  
Unread 16th July 2004, 12:29 PM
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Originally Posted by hunterchad'smom
Wow. I just joined this forum and it hit on a subject a friend and I discussed last night. A few months ago her 12 year old son and my 9 year old son were playing with another child. The "other' child told my son that if he said the"B" word that he would tell him how to win at a video game. my son asked"Do you mean B----?" The 12 year old and the other child began laughing and my 9 year old son ran to me crying that he said bad word. I punished all involved by taking away their McDonald's Happy Meal toys that I bought immediately before the incident. She said her child knows not to cuss but he doesn't know not to laugh at people when they cuss. She said that he has probably never wanted to bring toys to my house since because he thinks I will take them away. I gave her 3 different examples of toys he has brought to my house since. I asked her why he wants to come over all the time if the incident was so difficult for him to handle and why he didn't tell her. She is the type of parent who smacks her children and spanks with a wooden spoon. i would never spank someone else's child but do believe there has to be consistent rules so the children know the bottom line when they visit and I enjoy their company. I told her her 12 year old is an extraordinarily intelligent young man and there is no doubt in my mind that he knows not to laugh when people cuss. am I wrong for setting up ground rules in my home by taking things away. And if this works well with my own children shouldn't I do this before spanking? I believe in spanking but I have a 5 year old that forgets the whole thing after the spanking is done. He does it again and again. But taking away something that has meaning has a lasting impact upon him. She told me that spanking is in the bible so it will work every time. Taking away privileges is not in the Bible. I personally believe in spanking but I also believe if it doesn't work then a parent needs to find something that does. I believe the "rod" was used for guiding sheep not beating them . and whatever practices guide our children to appropriate Christian Behavior fall into this frame work. What do you think? Was I wrong to assume a 12 year ol whose parents do not cuss doesn't know that he should not laugh when others cuss?
You are absolutely right. The "rod" was used to guide. Sometimes this will require taking privileges; other times one may need to spank. Spanking, however, should never be a beating. There is a big difference.

I do agree that one should not spank someone else's child. From what you posted, you handled the situation in an appropriate manner.

As for the 12-year-old ... Surely he knew that it was wrong to laugh when others cuss. We have never had to tell our 13-year-old that he should not laugh when someone cusses or when someone does something wrong. He is smart enough to know better.

Hope this answered your questions.



God Bless!!
Dawn
Shining brightly for Jesus
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  #48  
Unread 18th July 2004, 09:12 PM
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Originally Posted by hunterchad'smom
She told me that spanking is in the bible so it will work every time.
If spanking worked, you'd never have to do it more than once.

Secondly, in Deuteronomy it says to let the village stone your child to death if he or she is disobedient.

There are a lot of things in the Bible that are repugnant and/or unethical.

I hope that more and more Christians will eventually realize that the Bible is a product of its time, and that a bit of common sense needs to be utilized in applying Biblical teachings to our lives.
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  #49  
Unread 19th July 2004, 12:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Hatsumi
If spanking worked, you'd never have to do it more than once.

Secondly, in Deuteronomy it says to let the village stone your child to death if he or she is disobedient.

There are a lot of things in the Bible that are repugnant and/or unethical.

I hope that more and more Christians will eventually realize that the Bible is a product of its time, and that a bit of common sense needs to be utilized in applying Biblical teachings to our lives.

Bingo.
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  #50  
Unread 19th July 2004, 04:11 AM
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When my brother and sister and I we brought up My Father was a Long Distance Truck Driver and my Mom was a housewife who did most or the correcting of the kids . When Mom could not handle the situation it usually was placed on hold until Dad got home and then it was addressed with questions and then consequence hardly ever were there any spankings but when we got them we knew we had done severely wrong and that we were being corrected because they wanted us to know right from wrong . I am now a Father of an 11 year old beautiful Little girl who I dont think I have ever raised my hand too but we do have a way of dealing with her other then spanking .I have a great relationship with my daughter and I praise God that I dont have to spank her but deep down in her heart she knows that if she got a spanking it was-given out of love notanger. My Father always said that a child was not put on this earth to be physically punched or kicked but they were given a behind for correcting if necessary
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